A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! A while back I wrote to you asking if I should break up with my depressed boyfriend. I did it, we broke up. He was since sent to hospital again, where he is currently staying against his will because they believe him to be a danger to himself. However, things are going better it seems, he will be released in about a weeks time. In this time I have begun dating again. Yes, getting up on the horse is the best way for me to recover, but also since my ex had been mentally ill for so long, in essence we didn't have a relationship for about half a year before we broke up. So to me, it's like I've already grieved for the last 6 months. I want to move on. To get to the question: me and my ex are still in a relationship on facebook. I didn't want to just end it, as it'd say on his profile that he is now single.. And he's not much on facebook, so it'd probably stay there as a status on his wall for weeks before he'd log on. And I just really feel awkward about doing that to him without notice. So I hid the relationship status on my page, yet when people visit his page it'll say we're in a relationship. How do I go about this? Some of the guy's I have met have asked to add me on facebook, and Im not sure that's a good idea with this status still up there. They could easily find out who my ex is, as there are photos of us together in several pictures (we were a couple for 3 years, so naturally the pics go way back too).Do I sit him down and ask him to remove it, making him aware that the status will go public (on facebook)? I want to give him the opportunity to hide that status, it's not like you want everyone to know, especially as he's mentally ill and people would start to ask questions. Currently I have just put it off and not mentioned it, because I don't know how he will react. He knows we're broken up, but removing the status might be more black on white. He also has tons of stuff stashed at my apartment. Should I talk to him about this now, or wait and see if he makes a move towards getting his things and updating the facebook-profile?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, facebook, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right, it's just facebook.. shouldn't be a big deal, so I just called him to let him know I would change it, to give him a heads up and a chance to hide the status also. But I think facebook has improved since I last had a break-up, it was easy to not make it public on the wall. I have colleagues etc on facebook, hence why it'd be a bit messy to have a big public announcement.
Thank you everyone for your answers! I asked him about his stuff, he said we'd just talk about it later, but I think I will just box it up and deliver it to him one of these days.
Have another date tomorrow, blind date that a friend set up actually... Here's hoping it goes well!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): You should either just delete your ex on facebook or just go ahead and change it to single. The first real step of moving on from a relationship is making it known and leaving the past in the past. If you start seeing a guy you really like and you wont add him on facebook he'll probably get suspicious or just go ahead and look you up and think you were lying to him and you could potentially scare off a good guy. I would either contact a family member and give them his stuff or contact the hospital and ask if you could give it to them and have them give it to him. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 It's kind of you to be concerned about his feelings but I imagine the actual breakup was a much bigger blow than the act of changing a Facebook status.
If anything, leaving it up could ultimately cause him more anguish if his friends see it, are confused by it, and ask if you and he are back together or continue referring to you as though you're still in his life. Closure after a breakup goes both ways and in all honesty it's probably best for you *both* to make a clean break of this and move on.
Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2014):
 If you two have already had the breaking up conversation then you should have changed your facebook status to single then and there.
It's FACEBOOK for goodness sake not life.
He is your ex. No longer do you need to worry about it.
go ahead and change your status to single and don't think about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 He is your ex, delete him from social media to avoid any potential issues of him contacting you, thus preventing you from moving on, or the problem you describe.
To move on you need to do so completely IMO. Having him "around" on FB wont help you, nor him. You need to speak to whoever is in charge of him at the place he is incarcerated and ask them about his belongings. Or if he has a family member or landlord, ask them if they can let you drop off his stuff at his own place.
You cannot have a relationship with another man while living in the shadow of your ex.
Mark
...............................
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Hi,
I think worrying about a facebook status or being in a relationship status is a silly thing to to worried about.
Take it down if it means that much to you, I don't think it will drive him back into the hospital. But in the grand scheme of things this is like a tick bite on a dinosaur.
...............................
|
