A
male
age
51-59,
*ericduffy
writes:I want to start off by saying I know my actions were uncalled for and I truly am sorry for the details I shared andhow they effected everyone.I'm 41 years old and this winter I met a 22 year old student and "hooked up" with her a few times. I am going to admit I was a complete jerk about the whole thing. Some friends and I were out for drinks , we started chatting , I bought her drinks and took her home at the end of the night. The next day my friend were joking about picking up a hot college chick and laughing about the things we did in bed. This happened a few times and each time I pretty much bragged about banging this young girl. I didn't think anything would ever amount to anything but the night time calls soon became afternoon hang out sessions and now I find myself in love with her. My friends are having a harder time with our transition from "fuck buddies" to a couple and still make vulgar comments about her or make jokes about the details I shared from the beginning about our sex life.This weekend I went boating with the guys and they still asked about our sex life and joking about the "tights ass" I get to be with every night. I know its my fault they view her this way but it was one thing to have them saying these things about the girl I was hooking up with but not something your friends should be saying about your girl friend. Is there any way for me to redeem her reputation among my friends and how can I explain to them that this is now my girl friend so respect needs to be shown to her.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (1 July 2014):
Yes, listen to DKW. I'm also with an almost three decades younger woman and used to get the usual jokes, but it's been almost 10 years now and we're recognised as a couple. BTW, 'Savile Row' is the London street at the epicentre of British tailoring from the early 1800s on, and co-incidentally named Jimmy Savile was a BBC-TV children's TV host who after his death was exposed as a voracious child molester, ergo the joke in DKW's response.
A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (27 June 2014):
It depends what kind of guys your friends are and how you bounce off each other. I was in a similar situation to you, I'm in my 40s and dated a much younger girl a while back, all the guys at work made jokes about going to nativity plays, do I need a booster seat for her in the car, do I get my clothes from Saville Row, it's just guy banter and I knew that it was rooted in their jealousy and envy of me, so it never bothered me.
If I was to call out every single guy on his wisecracks I'd have been very busy unmaking friends all day!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 June 2014):
 My husband and I started out as FWB/NSA
I'm much older than he is and when we were going to start up he told his THEN friend about it and his friend told him
"it's old and not that attractive, hit it and be done with it"
husband (then creepy younger boytoy of mine) said "sure" and laughed.
3 months later we got serious.
he called his friend and he said "SVC is now my partner and you will treat her with the respect she deserves or we will have to end our friendship" We see this guy once a year since my husband moved and he is very respectful of me now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): You are right it is your fault and you basically set yourself up for this. However, that does not give your friends the right to talk about her or anyone for that matter in such manner. I think the question you are faced with is how do you tell your buddies to stop without putting strain on your friendship. Honestly, the best way to go about it is to tell them the truth. You say "Hey guys, I know when I started seeing this girl it was all fun and games and because of that I shared our intimacy with you all. However, I am in love with her and we are dating. All the things you are saying now about her upsets me so can you please stop." If they are your real friends they will stop and if they don't then its time to look for new friends. You cannot assume they wouldn't stop, If they care about how you feel and your friendship means something to them they will stop. Give it a shot and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): Your 'fuck buddy' and your 'girlfriend' are the same person.
Ergo both deserve respect. Next time your friends disrespect her you ask them to please not to disrespect the woman you care about.
But, if you ask me, they'll keep making snide remarks because you and them disrespect women unless you have a special relationship with them - which is ridiculous. That's not going to change overnight I'm afraid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): No. Put simply, YOU are the only reason they degrade her. YOU need to say "look, I won't accept this any more" and leave. They probably don't think it will last because of the age gap, so it's just something you'll have to deal with and your girlfriend deserves better. Does she KNOW they say these things?
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