A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey so I'll try and keep this short. Basically when I was a teenager I always liked girls but I didn't want to be gay I guess so I kept myself to myself messed about with girls but nothing serious. And then I meet a guy one i finally thought I could sleep with so I did then I hung on so tight to him I got married and had a kid all before I was 24. I have been married nearly 2 years we treat and talk to each other bad we don't have sex and I'm now cheating on him. I aint happy about that fact he knows I have but he says I'm his one and he loves me and don't want to let me go. I'm having an affair with a girl I feel something for her if never felt before I feel when I got married and settled down I did it wen I was in denial and didn't know who I was. I'm glad I have a child but I'm married to a guy who is nice but isn't the one for me even my family have said that from day one but he won't let me go. I like his security and the fact he is there but there is no connection the thought of having sex with him replulses me. I'm in total love with this girl but what should I do I hate myself!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Oh hugs sweetie... what a rough place for you to be in.
My aunt married when I was about 4. I remember it. I was a flower girl. I loved my uncle. They had a child. Then about 25 years ago my aunt told her husband of forever that she was gay. Thankfully he took it well.
They never divorced legally. He moved out, he met a woman and he lived with her but was always there for my aunt. My aunt had a gf for a while, then that ended and she met her wife shortly thereafter. They have been together 20 years or so now. My uncle died early from cancer and we all cried at his funeral with his legal wife comforting his gf and my aunt (the legal wife) being comforted by her partner.
Sometimes I wish my family could be the poster family for how to have a gay family....
anyway on to your issue now that you know you are not alone and I get your pain...
the first thing you must do is talk to your husband about this. You must be honest. It will upset and shock him. Just tell him and back off and give him time to process it.
Once he's ready to talk then you two can decide what to do.
perhaps divorce is what works for you two
or perhaps you want to stay married but only in name and living arrangements for your child and take discrete (and approved by your legal spouse) lovers to meet that need.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 June 2014):
 This is a prime example of why it's not a good idea to supress ones sexuality. Because then, you wind up married with kids and realize you were gay all along and want to leave. At that point, however, it feels really difficult.
You aren't the first person to feel this way and you certainly won't be the last. I think you need to follow what makes you happy. Clearly you're miserable in your marriage. And rightfully so - you're gay! One can't suppress their feelings or force themselves to be straight anymore than a straight person can force themselves to be gay. And why would you want to? There's no sense in denying yourself of happiness. If being with a woman makes you feel happy and complete, then you owe it to yourself to do that.
As a gay woman, myself, I get it. I really do. I fully suggest leaving your marriage and pursuing your own happiness for a change, rather than trying to please everyone else. Because denying yourself of who you are because you're afraid of what society may say is only hurting you. Don't hurt yourself any longer. Your husband will survive. It won't be easy, but no split ever is. Give him time, and he'll be okay. Don't hate yourself. You're human. Cut yourself some slack.
Good luck.
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