A
female
age
41-50,
*3b3lR3d
writes:I am dating a guy that I am crazy about, I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men, two divorces and several lost relationship problems in between with men and woman. Needless to say, been single for a while now and I am starting to fall for my boyfriend when I look into his eyes when I smell his fragrance, when he touches me I get knots in my stomach and heart beats so fast its an amazing feeling. But, last night He brought home a chick that was down to have a 3some (a fantasy of his) he told me he wanted to see me eat pussy, kiss her, take a shower and that its mostly about him getting turned on by watching me with another woman. First off we are in our late thirties and he brought home a 18 year old chick who was not of my taste, but was his. I got nothing from her but bad kissing, I rode his cock for like 2 mins then he f^^^s her and cums within 5 mins INSIDE HER!!!! omg my heart is breaking right now cause im thinking even though I wanted this to become whatever I am feeling when I think, hear, or see him. My stomach has a horrible ache and I feel like I want to cry but no tears are coming out. Help me please someone, should I take it for what it is, he brought a chick home he wanted to f^^^ and just let go now or do I deal with the fact that I said yes and it bit me in the ass. Im so done with men always wanting more no matter what I give. what do I do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (26 June 2014):
Dear OP,
My advice about what you should do:
- Leave your boyfriend! No matter if he gives you butterflies. He's selfish.
- Learn to live as a happy single person! This will give you the patience to find a really good man at your side.. and also to learn what you like, need, love.
- Learn to set boundaries and demand them to be respected! If you let men step all over you, some of them will.. not all.. but some. Maybe even most?
- Don't give "everything" to men. Love is not a contest, where the most eager ones will win. Give what comes from your heart, what you feel honestly good about. If you feel like giving your man a threesome experience, go ahead. If you don't feel good about it.. don't. Men won't love you more just because you make everything easy and comfortable for them. They will love your personality, if you show it to them. But showing your personality also means saying "no, thanks" from time to time, or simply "no, I don't like this, I prefer that". Or, even more simple: NO.
- Forgive yourself your "track record", we all make mistakes and have dated one or a few people who weren't good for us (at least I have). The art is to realize when there is a pattern of bad decisions, and try to break it. Give yourself credit for trying to have lasting relationships, I am sure that you also learned one or two things about relationships and love along the way. You are not broken, just bent. And you can recover from this crisis and come out of it as a stronger and wiser person.
Best wishes to you,
E.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2014):
 If my husband walked in the house with a woman 20 years younger than I am and wanted me to have sex with her (and I'm bisexual)I would have said NO. Sex with people for me is ON MY TERMS... NOT theirs. it has to be mutual.
YOU mean nothing to this man.
You were driven to say yes to something you didn't really want to do. You need to figure out what drove you to do what you didn't want to...
and yeah I would end the relationship.. you have opened Pandora's box and there is no putting the demons back in....
he will now bring home anything he wants to bang and expect you to accept it...
eventually he won't even bring them home...he'll just do it when he's out and blow you off when you ask...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 June 2014):
 You write: "I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men...." Then, you proceeded to detail one GOOD reason WHY "I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men...."
How about you dump this cad? ... then, take about six months by yourself.... no dating, no cruising.... no NUTHIN' with and about men? ... and see if YOU can figure out WHY, "I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men..."
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (26 June 2014):
 The relationship is over. If you don't accept this then be prepared that there always will be another woman in your bed. I am one of those that believe that if a man loves you then you alone should be sufficient and he would not want to be with anyone else. He wanted a threesome and if he really wanted it for you then he would have brought another guy home.
Anyway I think you know in your heart that this is over. Next time you go into a relationship, first deal with your baggage of heartbreak and disappointment. Do not over compensate and be the perfect woman with hope that the guy will be the one. Men want a little challenge, not some puppy dog and they also respect a woman that is strong. There is nothing wrong with you and all you want is a man that can be faithful and love you for the person you are. Just remember don't compromise on your values , be strong and do not settle for less.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): My husband and I contemplated having a threesome. I was going to say yes, but I thought about it and him being intimate with someone else that way wasn't okay with me. No matter if it's just "sex" to him. Sex is a very personal thing for me. So I told him no and if he wasn't okay with that then we have a problem.I asked him if he would be okay with us having a threesome with another man and I and he said absolutely not. You could have said no, but no doubt based on what you said you probably felt pressured and like you couldn't say no for fear that he would leave you. In my opinion, he shouldn't have ever just sprung that on you. That was really asshole of him to do that. You could have said no. Obviously you're not comfortable enough with your relationship to say no, so if you're not okay with sharing your man, I would end it. If he doesn't accept that you can't emotionally share him then I think you should walk and find a man who will respect you and value your feelings and opinions, especially when it comes to being intimate with another person. If it were me, I'd leave. Focus on you. :) I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): Leave him things will never be the same and next time say NO. get to know the person better before they become your boyfriend make sure if they have the same fantasy as him that they know it will never come true before-hand. Also you need to be careful she could of given him an STD or get pregnant. It's best to just end it Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Well first off, there is the simple practise of saying no. I'm not down for this.
YOU participated even if you weren't into her or into a 3-some ALL to please a guy.
He has no respect for your boundaries(unless you SUGGEST a 3-some down the line?) and he KNOWS exactly how to play you.
This girl he brought home WASN'T for you to enjoy, it was for him to basically CHEAT on you with YOUR approval (or even without, he knew you wouldn't say no).
HAVE some CLEAR boundaries. SAY no when you think NO is the right thing for you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 June 2014):
 You could have said no and you didn't. Why did you agree to something that you knew would break your heart? Your boyfriend wanted what he wanted and you went along with it. Why? Because you were afraid you were going to lose him??? Do you really have him anyway? You need to step back and think about why you let this happen. Why do have relationships with the men that you do? Its called RESPECT yourself sweetie. And apparently you don't respect yourself enough to let men walk all over you. I have been there..done that. If you don't stand up for yourself, who do you think is going to??
I don't know how you can cope with this to be honest. It happened..and the bad feelings are there. And I'll be honest, if you let it happen once, he'll want a threesome again. If it was me, the threesome never would have happened. I would have ended things right there..but thats me.
You aren't going to be able to forget what happened. So you need to ask yourself do you want to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you really felt? Or walk away? Whats it going to be? I can't imagine my guy having sex with a woman right in front of me. I just can't. I would never be able to be with him again, I can tell you that. I wouldn't want to be with him again. I realize everyone is different of course. What can you deal with from here on??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): Er, did he ever consult you about a threesome before he brought home the 18-year-old? Don't you think it's just a little troubling that he brought home someone so young? 18 is a legal adult in the U.S., but....
Leave him.
Take a break from relationships. It's hard not having that comfort and affection, but you can catch some fresh air. Focus on your career. Maybe adopt some new hobbies. Go travel, abroad even. Get your mind off men. Be happy doing your own things as an individual.
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