A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloSo my bf of 3yrs was caught on a dating site. My friend happened to ne on the same site and alerted me. I confronted him and he had some lame excuse for being on it. I asked if he had met anyone off of there, and he said no of course. He said he didn't even communicate with anyone. I find it very hard to believe that you'd create a profile but not looking to meet anyone. Hes been distant not saying he loves me much and also I seen he commented on one of his friends pictures that she was beautiful. I don't recall when hes last told me that. It hurt. I asked him why hes flirting with women on fb and he said its not flirting. I have asked him several times to come clean but he denies hes done anything with anyone. I don't feel Im over reacting I just want the truth. Even if he doesn't tell me what really happened I believe I should tell him to take a hike. What do you think? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): In my situation I came clean and told the truth because I wanted to have an honest and open relationship. When you're trying to hide it, you never know your bf or gf may find out. The thing about trust is that you have to really know what you want in the relationship. I told him that I wanted to hear from him more. I also wanted him to come and see me so I was thinking after months and months of talking, texting, and emailing it was time. I was questioning how serious he was about me. I basically have a lot of time on my hands and I would be on the site at night just talking to guys. I didn't go on any other dates after he contacted me when I didn't hear from him for a while thinking he was gone. When he returned we talked about the site cause he asked me if I was talking to other guys and he understood that I had moved on.
He sent me a text once and he wanted me to promise that I wouldn't give any of them my phone number date them, or give any pictures of myself so when I caved in to a guy who was asking to exchange I sent him one and I felt so guilty that I told him. So I broke my promise and we are not on good terms right now. I could have accused him of things cause he lives in another state but why make it worse, I had already questioned him about 2 women on his email and he told me they were his exes and were way before me. He swore he wasn't cheating on me with any of his exes so I didn't push it. In your situation if you are uneasy ask
him how serious he is about the two of you.
A
female
reader, Miss Led  +, writes (27 June 2014):
I went through exactly the same as you. The truth is, if you give him another chance, the chances are he will see you as a fool and will do it again because he knows he can talk his way out of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): This is so common whether it's with a dating site or social media like FB. Most of us end up learning the hard way. Pay attention to the red flags and proceed with caution. Too many of us end up in denial for so long giving him/her too many chances and the benefit of the doubt. At the end, we end up playing detective. When we do this, it's the beginning of the end. Don't do this to yourself. For the record, even though it sounds harsh, it seems that you may not be THE ONE for him or he would not be doing this. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): Different timescales but I found my now ex boyfriend was still active on a dating website that we had met on 4 months into our relationship when I thought we were serious... I confronted him and he said he had not communicated with anyone and was just being nosey. I chose to continue the relationship for a while after that as he said he came off the website (which he then did) and he was sorry he hurt me. However, the distrust remained and I never got over the fact that he obviously never liked me that much to continue on the website as another post puts it 'window shopping'. It undermined my confidence and made me feel low so in the end I split up with him at the 6 month mark. Sure enough he was back on the website within a day of us being split up! I reckon some guys just never satisfied. You have a choice. I know what I would do.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 June 2014):
 "I seen he commented on one of his friends pictures that she was beautiful. I don't recall when hes last told me that. It hurt."
Stick a shovel in the ground, I bet you find dirt.
Not to be disrespectful, but you are out there looking for a reason to dump him, Just do it. There is no reason to have a relationship of distrust.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2014):
 EVEN if he didn't do anything wrong (as WiseOwlE suggests) YOU do not trust him or believe him... that alone should tell you something about your relationship with him.
IF you don't trust him or believe him, it would be fine for you to say "It's not you it's me" and walk away from him.
the thing is that you probably will not end up with this guy anyway based on this post so you are probably better off getting out sooner rather than later.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 June 2014):
 The time and energy it must have taken him to create a profile leads me to believe this is no idle curiosity, but he is researching the dating field to date… Presently he’s window-shopping!? If one subscribes to a website it would ‘generally’ indicate an interest in that site!?
I.E. I have an interest in Rock ‘n Roll dancing… should I then create a profile on a dating site or log in to the appropriate website? My partner has interest is football, motor sports etc. but neither of those interests require a profile for a dating site?
Stick to your instincts; he is being deceitful and in the long run you’ll always be wondering what’s going on behind your back if you stay.
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (26 June 2014):
 He's probably just curious and wants to see how the dumb thing works..here's how it works....Flirt on the web and you get kicked to the curb! You go girl!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): I had the same situation with my hb, I didn't trust my instincts and made every excuse under the sun about why he was on a dating site, even made the excuse he was lonely and wanted a "friend" as I was to busy with our baby, cut a long story short, my hb was and is a lying prxxk, he's emotional cheated on me loads and I'm trapped now due to money and children...don't be me, leave and meet a decent bloke who wants a mutually faithful relationship!
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (26 June 2014):
 To quote Shakespeare, "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark". Your bf is not being honest with you, and I bet your instincts are screaming warning signs. No, you are not over reacting. If I were you, I'd keep a close eye on him. His dodgy behaviour warrants it, and he will never admit to cheating on you. Very few people would openly admit to cheating. You would have to practically catch him in the act, and even then he might make an excuse (like that lame, old song, "It wasn't me" by Shaggy). The things I've heard some of my male friends do to cover the fact that they are cheating on their gf, will make you go OMG!
So now that your instincts are on high alert, I recommend you put on your detective cap and start watching him like hawk. I assume you probably want to make damn sure he's cheating on you before you dump him...but be aware that this mistrust will eventually destroy the relationship.
If you could not be bothered with his stupid excuses, then get rid of him. From what you said, it looks like he's going to cheat, if he has not already cheated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): I will try to make it simple - YES.
Throw him out of your life. He is not even interested in being with you.
You are worth a thousand more than him.
Good luck doll.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 June 2014):
In his defense some of those dating sights require you to make a profile in order to view other people's profiles. I was curious about what kind of people were on dating sites in my area and created a fake profile to look.
I had absolutely zero intention of communicating, or anything else. I didn't use my name or put up a picture.
So if he didn't use a picture or actually fill out a profile he may have been doing something similar.
If he DID, there's your answer. He wouldn't have gone through the trouble unless he was actually communicating.
If you stay with him you're going to be always wondering if he's cheating. How about you break up now instead of waiting until he breaks your heart? Find a guy who gives you what you want. Not who is always leaving you wanting more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2014):
 Well, he denies being on (lie) and then admit it and claim he just made a profile but isn't looking (another lie?) and hasn't met anyone (lie again?)
Are you happy with the situation? Are you OK being lied too? Is that OK to you?
If not, leave.
I don't think he WILL tell you the truth because lying is so much easier and convenient for him.
Personally, that would be a deal-breaker for me. One thing is if you MET on the dating site and he "forgot" to remove his profile, but being with someone for 3 years only to find out he has MADE one (profile) during this relationship, I would take it as him not being happy and looking for greener grass.
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