A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23, male. I met this mentally challenged girl (21 y.o.) about six months ago. Before I met her I was a very lonely person. I never had many friends. Those whom I trusted always betrayed me in some way or the other. This girl changed my life. She needed me because her parents had abandoned her. I cared for her a lot and fell in love with her. Since then I feel I cannot live without her. She's so innocent, so loving. I know she won't betray me like every other person did.It has been a month that my parents have come to know about her. They don't want me to keep any relationship with her. I have tried to talk with them and make them understand her situation and helplessness but to no success. They have given me a month's time to make a decision- either to leave the girl or to snap any ties with my parents. I'm at my wits end. I cannot break my relationship with my parents because today I'm whatever for my parents. Nor can I abandon the girl or keep her away from me, we're too close, we can't live without each other, I'm completely emotionally and mentally attached to her.Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Your parents have some major issues. To put you in that position and threaten to take their love and support away from you because of who you date is evil. Their love is all about control, domination and manipulation. Parents who truly love you would never take away their love or even threaten to no matter what. I encourage you to get away from your parents and let them think about what they've said and show them you cannot be pushed around. You'd think you were dating a meth addict who just robbed a bank! I mean the irrationalness of your parents is scary. No wonder you have attachment and social issues and fear of betrayal. It's because of the abuse you've endured from your parents. They love you on the condition that you do as they say regardless of whether it's right or wrong or benefits you or not. They treat you like you are expendable. If you love her, stay with her. And don't ever let your parents or anyone else push you around again or threaten you with their manipulation. I also encourage you to see a therapist so that you can work on your self esteem issues. A therapist will give you a better understanding of your relationship with your parents and how it's affected you and give you proper coping skills to improve.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 Opps, missed the "I hate sex bit"
Does she feel the same?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 July 2013):
You present as aged 22-25 years old and currently living in the USA. You are above the age of consent, and at 21, so is your girlfriend.Your parents have no right to force you to do anything. Your a grown adult, and you live in a free society, you can love anyone you want, and have any relationship which is legal.I can understand if your parents are concerned, your girlfriend is a vulnerable adult, and by the sounds of it, so are you. You may find in the future life and circumstances may give you both difficulties. But that's your future to make, it's not your parents power to decide for you.You both are ADULTS.What kind of love threatens to throw you away because you fell in love? What the hell will they tell people when they are asked where their son has gone? Why do they want to see you crying and lonely? They got each other, why can't you have the same?Your parents gave you life, but now they sound like they're trying to take it back. Do they want to keep you locked in your bedroom, alone, lonely without friends.Your a man, an adult... if you love this girl, then stand up and be a man. What happens if they don't like the next girlfriend either? What happens if they force you to marry a woman you find ugly and you can't stand? What will you do then?You sound like you love her a lot, and she sounds very nice. We are in the 21st century, children got rights and freedom years ago.How much is your love worth, are you gonna throw her away because somebody told you too. So what she's got some difficulties, so have you, so have I, so have many people... including your parents I think.Time to stand up young man, put love first, and people (parents) who don't like this, well, they don't sound like they value you much.Good luck.. stick by your girl.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 There is way more that is missing from this story.
you don't want to have sex. (you hate sex) she is mentally challenged... I assume you mean her IQ is below 100...
What is your primary diagnosis? I ask because you write and sound so much like my son who is 29 with various disorders.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): @Brokenv She's not emotionally challenged, but she's mentally challenged. I can never think of taking any advantage of her. I can never think of harming her. I cannot think of having sex with her either. (BTW I hate sex)
Maybe yes, she maybe filling the void in my life, but I'm not forcing her to do so. Yes, it's true that I'm lonely. I don't have any friend or any other person to care for me. Also I'm not sure if calling her my girlfriend would be right or not. We are a lot emotionally attached.
I appreciate whatever you suggested me, and that's why I'm here. I want to know what I should do. Please feel free to ask me questions.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I have a feeling that there's a ton of history between you and your parents that you're leaving out this question. For your parents to give you that ultimatum just because they found out you're dating a mentally challenged girl doesn't make sense on it's own.How codependent is this girl? Can she literally not function on her own? It really isn't your responsibility to take care of her. Even if you're only doing it out of the goodness of your heart. She more than likely needs a certified caretaker, not a single and lonely hopeless romantic, to watch over her. And if you are a professional caretaker, shame on you for taking advantage of your position in her life to start a rendezvous.I think what you need to do is start broadening your search for a gal to date. You've admitted that you were very lonely before you met this girl, and I get the feeling that if you had more people in your life and met more women on a day-to-day basis you never would have even considered being with this girl.There's nothing wrong with dating someone who's mentally challenged, but it's YOUR specific motivations that I am concerned about. And that's probably how you're parents feel, too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): Coming from someone who works with (voluntary basis) autistic adults, I would say you should try and discuss it with your parents - a month is not, nowhere, near long enough.
It's ambiguous what disability she has, from what you've said, but a third party specialising in subjects like autism/Asperger's syndrome, Down's etc. - disability counsellor - may work.
It may seem hypocritical of me to suggest this considering I've never had counselling, but then again, I have known of people for whom such things have worked.
Your parents want the best for you, but I feel their problem is that they may lack understanding of disability - and believe me, this is still as much of an issue in society today as racism/sexism etc.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 July 2013):
On what level is the girl emotionally challenged? Are you taking advantage of the situation? Are you just so lonely and she is filling the void? This is a tough one to answer I would need to ask a lot of questions. You should attend a counselor with your girlfriend and explain to the counselor your situation. I don't think what your parents are saying is fair. I don't think leaving your girlfriend high and dry is fair either. You need to have a third party help you with this situation. I don't think anyone here could give you an answer. There is so many unanswered questions.Good Luck!
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