A
male
age
41-50,
*by1
writes:Would you allow your ex to move on to a new partner when you love them so much? They were everything and your entire reason for being here. 3 years I've tried everything to win her back. I've only ever loved her, I will only ever love her. The mother to my sons and my little family. Miss them dearly. How can I let her go when she is the whole reason I live, the most important person in my life and without her I'm falling apart, should she ever see a scumbag I'm not sure how Ill let it happen, I get emotional just thinking that it could ever happenI'm not sure what to do, make things awkward, cut financial help etc. lost totally. Wondering why god feels the need to punish me like this, what is this reason he wants me to endure such pain and torment
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 Not only would I allow it, if I truly loved them and wanted them to be happy I would encourage it.
if you have children with her you must continue to support your children. If you do not have a legal agreement to this, get one include, child support and visitation as well as makeing sure she can't move your children away from you...
other than that, as long as your kids are safe, her life is not your concern. I'm sorry this hurts you so badly but it's the truth.
do you think maybe one of the reasons she left was you were smothering her?
A
male
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Hi there!
your message is so short but very intense.
well, forgetting someone we love is really hard.
we may conceal our feelings but at the end of the day, no matter how busy our schedule could be, we will still think of the one who captured our hearts.
If she found a new man, that's the time to let go.
What you can do to forget about her is to start thinking about your kids future.
This is not just about you, there are kids involved.
They should serve as your inspiration to move on and keep on fighting for life.
Don't take things seriously, sometimes there are people not meant for us. No matter how much we wanted them to have an active role in our life.
On the bright funny side of life, try to watch a super scary movie, the one that will not make you sleep becuase its really scary, for a while it will help you stop thinking about her. It works for me, maybe it will work for you too..
Pray and hang on because your kids count on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Hi there!
your message is so short but very intense.
well, forgetting someone we love is really hard.
we may conceal our feelings but at the end of the day, no matter how busy our schedule could be, we will still think of the one who captured our hearts.
If she found a new man, that's the time to let go.
What you can do to forget about her is to start thinking about your kids future.
This is not just about you, there are kids involved.
They should serve as your inspiration to move on and keep on fighting for life.
Don't take things seriously, sometimes there are people not meant for us. No matter how much we wanted them to have an active role in our life.
On the bright funny side of life, try to watch a super scary movie, the one that will not make you sleep becuase its really scary, for a while it will help you stop thinking about her. It works for me, maybe it will work for you too..
Pray and hang on because your kids count on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): It's very difficult to let go of people whom we love, in life or in death. At the minute, your going through what's known as the grief process even though your ex hasn't died .. You feel angry, you deny that she could leave you, you think that by changing something you can bring her back ( bargaining) you feel upset and it's okey to feel these emotions .. It is also alright to feel like life has stopped as it has for a bit.But you have fantastic babies, who need you!! They need you very much ... And you need to get your act together for them.Noone can say that your ex will relent or not but how your acting is only going to push her further away and you into the nearest psychiatric ward... Now you must and I stress must let her have room to breath and move on from your relationship .. You can still have hope that things may change.. Hope is a good thing... But you must let her move on.As I said your life doesn't stop spinning, it's just slowed down a bit and at this present time that's a good thing. As you have to have time to grieve your past relationship .. And let it go.. I do feel like the other aunts and uncles that therapy for you is a good idea it will let you vent some of the emotions that you can't with friends Nd family. So get an appointment ASAP ..Also look at how your behaviour was when together? And look at conquering some of the negative part of your behaviour, take responsibility for your part.You also need to take responsibility for your children, they are defo your reasoning for waking up and going to work and raising them .. They need you to be able to work with mummy and look past how you feel.. They need their dad. They are your legacy.. Fed them love time and give them patience and they will blossom be consumed by your emotions and angry and you will distroy their world.Now I picked up that you do love your kids immensely that no matter the issue leading to the break up your a good man.So.. 1) let go2) get therapy3) get past the hurt work with your ex and love your kids4) you are allowed to grieve ..5) have hope ..Sometimes relationships can restart . But you have to work on what ever was wrong in the relationship due to behaviour, attitude etc.. And You have to do that alone..You must let her move on.. And hope for the best.. Sometimes god gives us challenges to overcome that make us a better person. I think this is your challenge . Be strong for your children they love you unconditionally .. Take care x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): "Would you allow...?"
I'm sorry, but your ex is a grown woman and a free human being. It's not upto you to "allow" or "disallow" that she do anything. I'm sorry that your relationship with her didn't work out, but you HAVE to accept that she has the right to choose who she wants to be with.
Guys who can't or won't do that are the stuff restraining orders are made of.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (4 July 2013):
 You have to let her go. She doesn't want to be with you. You must accept it and move on.
You can find love again, but you must release her emotionally first.
You sound needy. This is not good. Set yourself some personal goals and start planning a bright future for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): You aren't "allowing" your ex to do anything. She has a right to do as she pleases. Even if she were still married to you.
You may love her sir, but you do not own her. To say she is your everything is somewhat of no consequence, if you are now divorced. She obviously doesn't want YOU back.
No one is the reason you live. If you believe that; then that extremely desperate behavior is part of the reason she is unable to return to you. She apparently wasn't happy being married to you; so you have no choice but to come to terms with the fact.
People who make other people the center of their universe smother their partners; until they have to fight to get away from them. They leave because they feel trapped.
You may be in an extreme state of denial; if you have struggled for 3 years. If you haven't succeeded, she does not love you enough to want you back. In fact, she had a reason for leaving you. You offer no details why she left; but it can safely be assumed that she was very unhappy, and felt there were irreconcilable differences.
Seek grief counseling, to help you to deal with your loss.
There was a reason she took the family away from you. You know what that is.
Instead of wasting time trying to get her back, get started working on the issues you have that forced your family out of your life. You obviously haven't changed; if she refuses to allow you to see your children.
All the pleading and begging in the world, doesn't correct the mistakes made that ended your marriage.
Cutting off financial support to your children;if court ordered, may land you in jail. You have no right to stop her from being with anyone. It is likely she will have to seek a protection order, if you don't get a grip on yourself.
Tons of details are left out. So if she left you, she had a good reason to separate her children from their father.
When people finally decide to seek professional help to correct emotional and psychological issues that have caused loss in their lives; they have proven themselves worthy of forgiveness, and only then are they able to find a way to move on.
They find peace and redemption, once they go the distance to prove they want to change. The proof is evidenced by their actions. Promises to change mean nothing.
Sometimes hitting rock bottom and losing everything you value most is your wake-up call.
That is the only thing that will help you at this time.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (4 July 2013):
I'm sorry to hear that you think she is your reason for living. Your children need you more to be the stable dad and encourage them to grow up in a health home.
She is gone. You need to put your efforts into getting yourself healthy. You need to seek some counseling to help you with your thoughts. Nobody is worth you not living everyday to the fullest. You need to move on and get involved with your kids, go to the gym, work overtime read a book DO SOMETHING to occupy your time.
She has moved on whether you like it or not. You have no choice but to move on. Start today!
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A
male
reader, mkateko  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 you know what man, she is not at all, not even by change, she is not your reason of living. You have meet her when you were an adult I believe though you hadn't specified. 18 and older I consider that adult. She was the part of your live, and the she did her role and it is now over, let it go. You will find someone who can even make you happier than her, but please make no mistake of trying to compare your Ex and the new lady you meet in your life. Get a lady, try to learn loving her. If she decided to move on, even if she is the mother of your child, forget about her move on brother, don't make you life stucks cause you might endup comming suicede, and I asure you, your life is precious and Important to those who loves you, your son included.Get a proffetional help inthe form of couselling man if you feel like it is not easy to copy alone.GOOD LUCK!!!
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A
male
reader, justjim +, writes (4 July 2013):
Hi after 20 years of marriage I found myself in the same boat as you ,except you have the children?
let her go
she will never come back and if she did things would be so different for th pair off you I let mine go after 5 years don't waste this amount of time there are a lot os nice people out there for you to meet .
I look at my ex now and think Christ I had a lucky escape lol and you will too one day.take care feller
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