A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello again dear cupid. right now i feel my life is in shambles. Me and my bf broke up yesterday night. He told me that something inside him was broken since his work accident (building blew up, people died) this has affected our relationship from the start. we have been together for 10 months. everything was perfect.. up until the accident. He says he doesnt feel anything. He said that if i stayed any longer he would hate me and that he doesnt want it to come to that. so i set him free. told him to live his life to the fullest and be happy. We cried alot and held each other. Yesterday night was the most beautiful night we have ever had. We talked and kissed, held hands, laughed, watched a movie and when we went to bed, made love one last time. It was all pretty bittersweet. He wants to stay friends because he wants to see if later on when he has resolved his issues, he wants to try and give us another try. This is the man i have been waiting all my life for. I believe he is my soulmate, we just havent met up at the right time in our lives. I guess what i wanna know is, should i keep the no contact rule or stay in contact as friends. I'm scared it'll just hurt me more if i keep contact. but im so scared of losing him at the same time. whats the best course of action for me from here. because eventually i want to get back with him. there is no doubt in my mind of that. he is very lost and confused right now in his life. hes not the kind of guy that will seek any help either. he wants to work it out on his own. This hurts so much right now ... i just moved out all my things from his house today. we were living together, now im back at my parents. Im giving him all the space he needs because i love him. Even though this is killing me... it was the only choice i had to set him free. Now what do i do...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I would suggest he get some treatment for his PTSD and that you go no contact.
if he can figure out what he wants let him contact you to get back together... if you are willing then great. By the time he is ready however you may have moved on.
I would suggest you go no contact, mourn your loss appropriately and move on to the best of your ability.. go out meet folks, leave yourself open to meeting new people and see what happens.
NC and therapy may help him heal faster and he may see he needs and wants to be with you... But I would strongly urge you not to consider taking him back if he has NOT deal with his PTSD in therapy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice adviceneeded01. It has lifted my spirits somewhat. Ill give him the time he needs but its going to be hard.
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female
reader, adviceneeded01  +, writes (4 July 2013):
I had a similar thing with me, she said she cant see a future with us, but she did say that she loved me still.. grief does funny things to people, I would have a read up on it if you can, it makes people question everything about there lives, im not saying wait, because there is a chance he might not come back, but if there is a small bit of hope and you want it, then I suggest to try.. dont put your life on hold for him, but if in a few months he does come back, maybe give him another go, let him be, let him grieve and let him miss you.. if that really is the only reason he left, then im sure he will come back, even if you have to do all the talking to begin with! try and stay positive, I know how you feel, I have never ever felt so awful than i have the past 4 months.. try to work on yourself and show him what he is missing when he gets past this feeling! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers guys. But im losing hope. Something keeps bugging me is that he said he didnt feel that he loved me anymore that he only cared for me as a friend. These feelings at the beginning that he was sure i was the one disappeared. Why would he say that hell contact me when he is ready, if its over in his head? He wont keep me as a fwb cuz the feeling is not there but it sure was on our last night. To him he said it will be one last beautiful memory. God it hurts. I know i must go on but do i keep a glimmer of hope that maybe....
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A
female
reader, adviceneeded01 +, writes (4 July 2013):
Hi, I have been in a very similar situation as you with my ex.. her dad had a very bad accident and she was grieving. We broke up after a solid 2 year relationship, at first she said she thought we would be okay eventually, but ten she told me she couldn't see a future with me in it. This broke me, but I knew she was the one, I couldn't go no contact no matter how much I tried, id do it for a few weeks, then text, then a few days etc.. we broke up 4 months ago, and havent seen each other in 3 months. Last night we met up for the first time and we ended up kissing, the connection was just how we left it. Believe that you can get him back and you will, I have had the worst 4 months of my whole life, and we are not back together but we are certainly moving in the right direction.. Good luck, stay strong, and when you meet, be the woman he fell in love with, try to stay strong for him, because the last thing he needs is the thought of you being upset aswell, hes having a hard time with all of that let alone the guilt of breaking your heart. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a little update... I called him just recently... I know im weak but i had to hear his voice. Talked about keeping contact and being friends. But it ended in he needs time and space for himself. So i told him i understood and when he is ready he will contact me. So ill stay no contact. This hurts so much. Ill never find someone like him and i dont want to either. I feel so lost. I guess i just need some support.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 July 2013):
 You need to do what is best for you. If you "stay friends" in hopes that he will see if whatever, then you will keep getting hurt, and you will also not free yourself to live your own life, which is the biggest waster of your time and life.
He needs to get professional help. You are not his professional help and can never be. His saying he'll "hate you" is the main reason why you need to live as if you're set free. You aren't and can't be his therapy, his crutch, or his excuse not to deal with his own life and his own pain himself.
I think you need to tell him that you love him, but you must be free to pursue your own life, and that means that things must end all the way. If he's resolved his issues, then you both can talk, but you may have moved on, and he takes that risk.
Then you need to properly mourn the end of the 10-month relationship instead of getting sucked into his trauma and his own depression. You must look to your future, not worry about his. Your own healing will only happen if you step all the way away from him. That means delete from Facebook, delete from phone and texting, refrain from constantly asking mutual loved ones for updates on whether or not he's alright.
In a sense, you leaving his life may help him more than you staying in there trying to be his caretaker. He's got a choice whether to wallow in self-pity or get help and heal. You must wish him well, and then you need to move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): Dear OP,Don't give up on himGive him space, let him build himself up againalways let him know that you are there.He'll remember. good luck
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