A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I feel so sad. I feel like I lost something. My partner of 4 yrs just does not make love to me anymore. He says it hurts him when he tries but does not bother or care about my needs. He went to Dr and said he can't take pills because of side effects. He was very casual about it as if no big deal. He says he loves me and gives me hugs but I find I am getting frustrated and want more than this. Should I be glad to have a good friend as a partner but not a lover? I am 55 so will my desire fade with age? Ever since I met him the sex was far apart and never that good but I kept hoping it would get better. We are supposed to be getting married but I feel like saying why? We are just friends who live together. I do care about him but as my desire for him is never satisfied I think I will end up hating him. Am I so fickle for even thinking like this? I think he has always had issues in the bedroom as he made comments like he knows he is no good under the sheets. I feel like he deceived me when he said he would get better when there was less stress and I chilled about it. He blamed me for his issue. I feel undesirable now and get depressed by his lack of sexual interest. Should I ask him to move on or should I get married and make out all is well as we are getting older and I will get over my desire for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): Do not marry this man, unless you are willing to go without sex for the rest of your life. I married my husband when I was 37 years old. A month or two after getting married, he sprung this on me: "Oh, and just so you know, I don't need sex like you do, so don't expect to be getting it all the time. But, if you step outside the marriage, don't bother coming home." I couldn't believe it, but he held to his word. It's been 11 years, and we've had sex less than 20 times (I have kept track on calendars). I am chronically ill, so I stay, but I tell you what: I am the most miserable wife there is. Do yourself a favor and find someone who is sexually compatible to you. You'll be miserable, like me, if you don't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Don't marry him unless you both agree to an open marriage meaning you can sleep with other people with his consent. This is only fair. However even if he allows it, sleeping with another man might make you fall in love and that would then undermine the rest of your marriage so it does open a can of worms yo go the open marriage route.
If wont allow you to sleep with other men yet won't sleep with you either, then this marriage is just a prison for you. And yes there is no point. Unless you have other reasons for wanting to marry him (like financial or religious reasons??)
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (5 July 2013):
 It sounds very convenient of him to blame you for his lack of talent/interest etc. under the sheets. Since when did he think you were born yesterday when he even admits to being ‘no go’?Sure enough you’re going to eventually grow resentful of him if your needs are not met, he already has casually copped out of one solution with taking pills. Fair enough there are side-effects, but what about him creating less stress and chilling out himself to rectify the matter?Be it that you would like a fulfilling sexual all encompassing loving relationship; some people like him or you perhaps, could opt to marry for companionship reasons… However you’d be the one suppressing a desire that has not faded with age 55!? Although this is something important to you and if he cannot reciprocate with alternate affection, I do not see you as being fickle. Here you are bound to wake his sorry arse and see it for what it is; “he’s a good friend…” ”not a lover” When you take the ‘L’ out of lover it spells OVER!?Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I'm 53 and my drive gets stronger all the time and I'm with a guy with a low drive.
I get kisses and cuddles all the time every day... NOT enough. I miss sex. I miss being physically wanted...
don't marry him. stay as long as you can but you need to let him know that lack of sex is a deal breaker and when you are ready you are leaving....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 July 2013):
 You shouldn't marry him. If you wanted a friend, you would invite your friend to move in with you. Sex is a huge part of a relationship, you shouldn't have to simply give up on it. Basically in marrying him what you are saying is that you are willing to never, ever have sex again in your life. I doubt that is something many people would be happy about committing to.
He furthermore does not even seem to view it as a problem and does not seem willing to come up with possible solutions. Like, why can't he pleasure you even if he's not wanting anything back? To me, as someone who isn't a doctor, it sounds like there is no sex drive underlying it. Not because of you, but him. I am not sure whether it's hormonal or due to some other behaviors he has in secret, but do you know any guys who would simply give up on sex entirely happily? Just say "my penis hurts" and that's the end of it, no more investigation, no more trying to figure it out, just, that's the end of it. I don't know anyone who would do that without either being asexual, having a hormonal imbalance, or who does something else in their private time that completely halts their ability to have sex. I just don't think it's quite so cut and dry as he's making it out to me. Something seems fishy to me.
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A
male
reader, Debonaughty +, writes (5 July 2013):
My grandmother is 85 and still likes sex, so don't count on desire fading.
Personally I wouldn't settle for someone who doesn't do it for me in the bedroom and doesn't seem interested in learning. You're absolutely right to ask "what's the point?" because sex is the primary difference between a spouse and just being very good friends.
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