My married boyfriend of two years is torn. He cannot give me up but he cannot leave his marriage. How do I handle this?
Q. I have deep feelings for a man who has been married for 20 years. I have been with him for almost 2 years. It happened because I suppose we met at the right place and the right time and we had this undeniable connection... right from the very st...
A. 7 January 2015: In one of your re-submittals you wrote: "....It is just so hard."
No, it's not. You know what's hard? Recall, a year or so ago there was a man who was repairing his oil burner, and it tipped over, trapping his arm? He couldn't lift the burn... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend of two years is torn. He cannot give me up but he cannot leave his marriage. How do I handle this?
Q. I have deep feelings for a man who has been married for 20 years. I have been with him for almost 2 years. It happened because I suppose we met at the right place and the right time and we had this undeniable connection... right from the very st...
A. 6 January 2015: When you wrote this: "Clearly there must have been a disconnect between him and his wife for him to seek out a relationship with me outside his marriage. I am not so sure he could really love her if he is involved with me this way and for so long. ... (read in full...)
How does one get a guy to realise what he's lost? I want him feel the pain he has caused me.
Q. been friends with this guy for years but he's shown a lack of value and respect towards me, because everytime I send goodbye messages ... then a few days will pass and we will talk again. How do I get him to start taking me seriously? How to be ...
A. 5 January 2015: You ask:
"How do I get him to start taking me seriously?" You can't.... especially, now that you've revealed to him that you are fond of him.. HE's revealed himself as having not much respect for you... so YOU'RE reaction to that has to be the s... (read in full...)
Should we have a discussion about being exclusive?
Q. I met a guy 5 months ago and we got on very well and kept seeing each other. In the early days we went on dates regularly and things were going well for us. We are going away on holiday together in a few weeks and I have no reason to think that we ...
A. 4 January 2015: Try something like this: "Hey, Hunchy-Bunchy, you know, we've been seeing each other for nigh on 5 months now... Do you suppose that we are "an item?"
That should start the conversation that will ferret out all the concerns and apprehen... (read in full...)
Would it be okay for me to ask my boyfriend which of his female friends he has slept with?
Q. My boyfriend still has a lot of female friends from high school. He is now 33. Some of them are ex gfs and others are girls he just hooked up with once or twice. They are all friends on FB and continue to see each others in groups or separately as ...
A. 3 January 2015: No....... (read in full...)
Do most guys in their 20's prefer "trashy" women?
Q. The guy I like said to us last night that he prefers women who are "trashy". When we asked him what he meant by "trashy" he said those who are more sexually forward/experienced and are liberal about things like doing drugs, as they're more "open ...
A. 3 January 2015: Heck... this isn't limited to guys in their 20's. I'm in my mid-60's and STILL can't resist a woman who's "... a little on the trashy side..."
Chin up!!!!!.......... (read in full...)
Still a virgin - is it too late for me?
Q. Dear Cupid, So cards in the table, I'm a 28 year old virgin and very inexperienced (I.e have only ever kissed and had my breasts fondled). I'm not religious, or waiting for my soul mate it's just I've been very career focused so relationships/se...
A. 3 January 2015: P.S. There ARE some benefits to that.... since all the Catholics will say prayers to you..... AND you'll get to be in all the Christmas creches....... (read in full...)
Questions for women who KNOW they are attractive to men.
Q. You can be walking down the street (or in a store), and men would approach and ask for your name and number. Or you're at the club and they offer to buy you a drink. Pretty much wherever you are, men shower you with attention, even if you just met. ...
A. 2 January 2015: Here are your answers, from an old codger, who's "been there, done that".....
1. I can't, but you can. IF it goes to your head, and makes you think that your really "sumthin' special" then you need to figure out how to come down from your sel... (read in full...)
Why does living with your parents look much worse in guys than it does in girls? for guys it usually kills their chances of having a dating life/sex life, for girls not so much
Q. If a guy lives with his parents, usually it seems if the guy is past a certain age and lives with his parents, he won't get a second look from most women, but if a woman lives with her parents regardless of her age, it's usually not a deal-breaker ...
A. 28 December 2014: It's just a pragmatic thing. What guy can say to his folks; "Do you mind if I bring (your name here) home for the night... and take her up to my room for a little sex?" Whilest that young lady can say to HER parents: "I have a date with (his name ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother dominates our relationship. What should I do?
Q. (Sorry, this ended up being a long question. It's a few issues, that all stem from the same issue. I think. I hope the below makes sense!) So I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months and for the most part our relationship is happy and health...
A. 28 December 2014: You note: "...I don't know how much longer I can cope with being the last thing on his list of priorities."
I suggest that you give it 15 minutes. Tell "boyfriend" that you wrote this submittal.... and ask him if he ever expects to find that he ... (read in full...)
Are these signals he likes me?
Q. *OP's original title* Are these signs coworker likes me? He gently nudged me on the back and when I turned he smiled and walked away He hits the back of my chair so I'll look up and notice him He stood in my way in the lunchroom, he got...
A. 28 December 2014: I think it's "borderline" flirting. I don't consider it flirting until I say to a girl: "So.... do you want to come over for a late-night swim in my pool.... it's heated... AND it's "clothing optional."
I hope this helps....... (read in full...)
I've been asked to use my wedding as a fundraiser
Q. I currently am living in an apartment that a program helps with a portion of our rent. My fiance and I are wanting to get married and have recently been told the program that helps us with rent wants us to have our ceremony at the house they use ...
A. 28 December 2014: When I was a kid, the local TV station learned that it was my birthday, and asked if they could come to my back yard, and record my birthday party, and use it for the "Howdy Doody" Show. I told them to "ef-off" because my party was my party, and I ... (read in full...)
Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?
Q. I sent a goodbye email to a guy in my life that is not healthy for me. We have known each other for 4 years but never had relationship. We only had physical only FWB. I caught feelings he didn't so we decided not to be physical or talk anymore. ...
A. 28 December 2014: OOOppppps... that should say "men".... not, "me".... since I've never found a girl who would go "FWB" with me!!!!
... (read in full...)
Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?
Q. I sent a goodbye email to a guy in my life that is not healthy for me. We have known each other for 4 years but never had relationship. We only had physical only FWB. I caught feelings he didn't so we decided not to be physical or talk anymore. ...
A. 28 December 2014: Of course, he won't "understand." He sees you as a warm, soft pussy..... nothing more.... and so he has - or, will - reconcile that you've decided never to see/speak/communicate/put out for him again.... and he will get on to his next ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 26 December 2014: You write: "...it's just that I think we need to move in and see how we get on before we take the next step...."
What an ASS!!! After 5 years, YOU want to give her yet ANOTHER of YOUR tests to see if SHE can meet YOUR expectat... (read in full...)
What's up with his behaviour? He has a Gf. Would it be weird to hang out with him?
Q. I saw a guy friend today that has a GF, he admitted he liked me and that he didn't want to hurt me or his GF by cheating but still bothers me to hang out with him. Its like he is obsessed. We used to hang out alot but I stopped since his GF is home ...
A. 26 December 2014: You ask: "Do you think its weird to just hang out with him?"
I answer: No. It wouldn't be weird; it would be stupid.
Why waste your time (AND provide fodder for the "relationship" that he does have to be compromised.)
You can find a be... (read in full...)
Why would he delete messages if they are innocent?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together around 7-8 months before me there was a girl at work he was friends with or so he says he was friends with they talked on Facebook and he'd give her lifts home she then started to tell people he'd tried it ...
A. 26 December 2014: Sounds to me, like you've discovered that your "boyfriend" is a deceitful cad who has no respect for you (and for what YOU think is "going on" between the two of you)... and so he's gone to that "guy" scheme of blaming YOU for what's happening (that ... (read in full...)
Why can't lovers be friends instead of enemies?
Q. Dear cupid I have a few exes in my life that I still communicate with but now all of a sudden everyone of them seems as if I did some thing wrong to them but I didn't.We as adults still talk to one another but now they are ignoring me.I'm not ...
A. 26 December 2014: They are "EX-es" fer cryin' out loud..... They're "ex-es" for a reason......
Now, GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE, and don't spend another neuron of mental energy worrying about them or what they think of you.....
good luck...... (read in full...)
Her words have me confused!
Q. When my ex broke up with me I told her how I wanted to marry her and that I was secretly saving money on the side to buy an engagement ring. She told me “Don’t buy her a ring because she wants a ring, buy her a ring because I want to buy her a ring” ...
A. 26 December 2014: Too much semantic obsfuscation here. Here's "the answer" to what I THINK you are asking:
DON'T get her a ring because you THINK that that is what SHE would like...... GET HER A RING because YOU think that SHE is the cat's pajamas.... that YOU... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 25 December 2014: You and she have been an item for FIVE YEARS??? ... and you're still playing that "...I'm not sure when I'll be ready for marriage.." guy line????
Count your lucky stars that she's waited this long.... and count those stars again if she doesn't ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my nasty mother in law?
Q. Hi everyone. First, il wish everybody on here a very merry Christmas and I hope you all have a great day! Anyway, here's the deal, I am married for two years and been trying for a baby for almost a year, but we are certainly not panicking ...
A. 25 December 2014: honeypie speaks truth.... Since your M-i-L adds lots of vitriole to the human condition.... you have to cancel her out by being even NICER to her than she is NASTY to you...
It does work!!!
Merry Christmas and good luck....... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: Your submittal makes it perfectly clear that you know how boneheaded it would be to meet up with this creature...
HOWEVER, I can't help but imagine you, at your computer keyboard, typing it, and thinking: "Oh, please Aunts and Uncles.... PLEASE g... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my frustration at the rude ignorant behaviour of my Bf?
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend and I were in (large well known store) tonight. The cashier was being very slow and having difficulties with the register or something. WE had to wait...My bf then starts saying OUT LOUD something along the ...
A. 23 December 2014: Some of us guys will find the flimsiest excuse to make absolute ASSES of ourselves....
... (read in full...)
Do December May relationships ever work, especially if the woman is older?
Q. Do December-May relationships ever work in the real world? Woman older, man 17 years younger....
A. 23 December 2014: I date a woman who is 10 years older than I... and it's a dream come true!!!!
Do you really think that you need a platitude to justify yourself?????... (read in full...)
He feels responsible for his depressed ex gf......how do I deal with this?
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for a month now. We really like each other and things were going great. Til now. I dont know the ins and outs of why he and his ex of 7 years split up back in summer but I do know that they werent right together and they ...
A. 23 December 2014: Step away from him.... and tell him to call you, in six months, if - and only if - he has come to his senses....
Good luck....
P.S. Dramatic ex's are like the burrs from a bougainvilla plant.... they penetrate your skin, and you have to erad... (read in full...)
She wont move in with me until her 20yo weed smoking, all day sleepin' unemployed son is on his feet!
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles. My dilemma is my girlfriends children. I've been seeing my girlfriend for over 18 months now and we've discussed moving into together, however the problem is, is her children. They are 18 (daughter) and 2 sons 20 and ...
A. 23 December 2014: You are really only parenthetic to what goes on between her and her son. HOWEVER, considering that,.... YOU need to have "that discussion" with her, wherein you tell her that you consider it impossible for the "relationship" between you and her to ... (read in full...)
Help, my friend keeps cancelling on me?!
Q. Hi after some advice- my so called friend keeps cancelling on me. 3 night we have arranged to go out/do something together and she either never replies to me saying what time are we meeting or you know general questions and then texts me for exam...
A. 22 December 2014: THREE stand-ups?????? That's two-and-a-half too many to believe that there is really "something" going on between the two of you....
Give up on her, and get on with your life....
Good luck...... (read in full...)
I cant have sex with my g/f after knowing she had sex with another man
Q. What should I.Do I can't enjoy sex with girlfriend after finding out she had sex with another man while a one mouth split. I.Just keep seeing him with her while having sex....
A. 22 December 2014: Well, then, you have to reconcile that, whatever MIGHT have happened between you and her, is "kaputski"....and you'll need to find another girl - whose sexual background you don't know - if you are going to have $ex with her...
Good luck....... (read in full...)
My ex is coming over and says he doesn't want sex. What if I do?
Q. Dear cupid, My ex is coming over tomorrow to hag out,he says he wants to catch up and watch TV. He says he doesn't want to have sex but what if I want to? I know I'm not gonna pressure him but I don't want to come on too strong. What do I do?...
A. 22 December 2014: You pull down his trousers, expost Mr Happy, and say to him, "You know, Hunchy-Bunchy, I was hoping I could "get a little" from you if you stopped over... so HOW ABOUT IT?????"
That should do the trick....
Good luck...
P.S. Please r... (read in full...)
I love her and we've been doing sexual things together. Despite all this she says she doesn't love me sexually. So what am I, to her?
Q. I've been best friends with a girl for 5 months. She's my daughters uncle's wife. We have been come really close, and doing sexual things with each other. It's happened 3 times now. I'm confused in what to do. I love her to bits, but she sa...
A. 22 December 2014: Your "daughter's uncle's wife" is EITHER your SISTER, or your sister-in-law...(your brother's wife). I'll give you the benefit of the doubt... that she is your brother's wife....
Soooo.... how much of a cad do you intend to be???? ... to be so... (read in full...)
How do I let stubborn guys know that I really do not want to give out my number?
Q. I live in a town where men interpret "no" as "yes, but I'm just playing hard to get for now." In addition to that, they're also very forward and persuasive. Often when I'm approached for my number but am uninterested, I'll initially just plain ou...
A. 22 December 2014: YOU are in total control of who contacts you, and who knows - or learns - how to contact you....
IF there is a guy who asks you for "your number"... it is OK for you to say, "I really don't want to have you get in touch with me....".... OR, you ... (read in full...)
Why would he message this ex? Why can't he just ignore messages from an ex? what should I do?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend over a year. Things are great its been a great year and weve talked of buying a place together next year. So were both very serious about one another. We've told each other we love each other etc and i really do want to ...
A. 21 December 2014: "My point is why would he message this ex? "
He messaged his ex- because YOU gave him permission to do so.....
You see.... we guys hate to let a girl "off the hook" if there's a chance - no matter how remote - that we can get her to put out f... (read in full...)
Together 18 years, yet sexually it could be better. Emotionally we have issues. How can this situation be improved?
Q. My husband and I dated for three years and were sexually active. When we got married, I just stopped wanting sex at all, but I did continue to masturbate. I dreaded sex and just had no interest. And when I say dreaded I mean I would just pray ...
A. 21 December 2014: May I repeat my mantra:
If/when two people find that they are sexually/sensually/intimately incompatible... then there is NOTHING there, between them... and they are DOOMED if they believe that they can share a life together...
You and he ne... (read in full...)
He changed his mind about marrying me but still expects me to stay
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend for a year ... we've been together about a year and a half now. We're both in our 40s and divorced with adult children. He asked me to marry him last year and over the last several months, he has seemed to be ve...
A. 21 December 2014: Soooo, you have a "non-relationship" with this guy... and you are STILL holding out that he will fall in love with - and marry - you....
Re-read your submittal... and see if there isn't a different - and better - path that you can follow..... (read in full...)
My family seems disinterested in my upcoming wedding
Q. I'm with my finacee 2 years and we are getting married in 2016. I'm 20 and my sisters are 32 and 40. My fiancee is 30 and i love him so much and we get on incredibly. Since I got engaged both of them have changed it is like they don't want to ...
A. 21 December 2014: Sooooo..... now you know where you fit in the family hierarchy of "give a damn".... and IT AIN'T NEAR THE TOP!!!
The best you can do is "not give a damn" in proportion.... and get on with your life.... with your "family" in the rear-view mirror. ... (read in full...)
Does clothing really play a part in attractiveness?
Q. Does clothing really play a part in your attractiveness? I come from a relatively 'poor' or woking middle class family. While I've never had to worry about going to bed on an empty stomach and have always attended quality schools, my family income...
A. 17 December 2014: Yes. I find a lady much more attractive when her clothes are in a clump, on the floor, next to her, or my, bed...
Good luck...... (read in full...)
His actions speak louder than words, what do you think?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend around ten months. We only see each other twice a week due to work commitments on both parts so the time I get to spend with him is precious. He has told me I'm the first woman he's ever truly loved...
A. 17 December 2014: I think there are plenty of oddities with this guy....
YOU must decide if one, or more, of them (the oddities) is a "deal-breaker" for you. If so.... keep looking.
Good luck...
P.S. To me, anyone who puts burning foliage in his/her mouth... (read in full...)
Why is he allowed to complain and I'm not?
Q. Hi my partner is quite complex we have been together nearly 3 years and have a 2 year old son. Ok so I go to college and work and pay for everything in the home my partner is currently unemployed and hasn't really looked for a job either. I'm not ...
A. 16 December 2014: You ask: "Am I in the wrong?"
Yes.... you ARE wrong.... to be hanging around that loll-about, not very good, "boyfriend"... He sounds like an immature jerk.... (and) NOT someone who seems to tend to himself, OR his partner (you!)....
WHAT do... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't bothered by keeping me waiting.
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend does not see anything wrong with keeping me waiting. I will say "I can be to your house at 7, does that sound good"?He will say yes and a lot of the time when I get there he is just getting in the shower. He ...
A. 15 December 2014: Chronic tardiness is more than just disrepectful of you....
It is:
1. A form of control along the lines of passive-aggressive behaviour,
2. Stupid.... especially if, say, you are going to an event that has a starting time... and you... (read in full...)
Boyriend locked me out all night -- am I in the wrong or is he?
Q. Sorry it's really long.The other day I was at my boyfriends place and he was being really grumpy and unreasonable with me but I held my tongue as I didn't want a big row,however just as I left his house to go home he said something really nasty to ...
A. 15 December 2014: WHY would you spend even another MINUTE with a guy who behaves (and treats you) like this???????
Good luck...... (read in full...)
I only contacted him because of the baby
Q. i tried posting this yesterday but i can't find anywhere. My situation, i contacted my ex bf to inform of our baby. he wanted a dna test so i was just following up to see when/how, if he had found any info about getting a test done, etc. He said he ...
A. 13 December 2014: FOCUS!!!!!! You (and he) want a DNA test done to see if this guy is, in fact, the father of your baby..... Stick to arranging for that...... and, later, you can come back on here and tell us what happened......
If'n I were he..... I'd do J... (read in full...)
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