A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony aunts and uncles. My dilemma is my girlfriends children. I've been seeing my girlfriend for over 18 months now and we've discussed moving into together, however the problem is, is her children. They are 18 (daughter) and 2 sons 20 and 21. The youngest and eldest have started taking the next steps in their lives (work, relationships and sharing a home together). But the middle son, isn't motivated to get a job, build a relationship with a girl, or even contribute by picking up a broom to help out. His day is filled with sleeping beyond noon and then visiting a bunch of like minded friends and smoke weed till he's hungry. He then eats her food has hasn't contributed to, leaves a mess and then visits his friends for more weed smoking which sees him till bedtime and then repeats the same process the next day.Going back to my original comment, I've asked her to move in and she's very willing, but wants to make sure that her son picks himself up and learns to stand up on his own feet 1st before doing so. Consequently she's staying put till this happens. I've said he's welcome at my house which is 35miles away and will kill 2 birds with 1 stone as it'll force him to part with the friends he's currently got and hopefully break his non healthy cycle. But she knows he wont move. She's suspicious that because he's always got enough money to buy his weed, she thinks he's small time dealing and by moving away it'll encourage him to increase the scale of what he's doing and will then start running the higher risk of being arrested and imprisoned or popping up on a drug gangs radar and being attacked or worse.I'm therefore asking what advice would any of you have that I could give to her which she could implement to her son, return him into a good routine and away from a bad future life.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): Sorry to say this but your wasting your time with this woman, my son was similar age to this womans son and doing similar things. My son now has his own flat and I dont feel as depressed watching his sad little lifw. Its up to him what he does now. Im not saying I dont speak to him, everyday I do but im so glad he is
not around me a anymore just being a bum.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): Sir don't surround yourself with these people the relationship is not going to work she's not going to pick between the two of you her son won.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 December 2014):
 You are really only parenthetic to what goes on between her and her son. HOWEVER, considering that,.... YOU need to have "that discussion" with her, wherein you tell her that you consider it impossible for the "relationship" between you and her to continue until/ unless she is out of "Mommy" mode....
In your submittal... I read you as trying desparately to avoid the heartbreak - ostensibly, for her; but actually, for both of you - that will ensue as her son resists and resists "growing up." You can reasonably predict that son is a master manipulator, and G/F is rather quite an "enabler."
Set the table - between you and G/F - that you do not wish to enter in to a "live together" relationship under the existing conditions.... and see how she reacts... DON'T go to your "guy, Saviour" thing (Most of us guys tend to do this... "save" our (prospective) girlfriends from life's foibles.)... as that is a painful, and sometimes protracted, way to learn that your "relationship" really isn't meant to be.
Good luck....
...............................
|
