A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i tried posting this yesterday but i can't find anywhere. My situation, i contacted my ex bf to inform of our baby. he wanted a dna test so i was just following up to see when/how, if he had found any info about getting a test done, etc. He said he hadn't really thought about it because he was busy. We spent the rest of the night going over what had went wrong between us, if we missed each other, who the baby is like, and sort of flirting. it was really nice to talk to him again. we talked like this for a couple days. the other night, he said something about if i had told him, he would've been there and it struck a chord with me. i told him that we probably shouldn't be talking the way that we were (sexually reminiscent and flirting) because i still had feelings for him and wanted us to be a family and it was only confusing and further complicating things. he hadn't said anything about us being together but i felt that the fact that we were talking again and that i have his baby doesn't entitle him to talk to me in this way. i contacted solely to establish a.relationship between he and our baby. I'm complying with his request for a dna test however insulting but i understand. he said "well do you want to stop talking until i can figure out how to get this dna test done. if you wanted a family you should've said something sooner because i loved you. we don't have to talk if it hurts because i don't want you to have to feel that way." my problem is this, we broke up because he thought i was distant and i may have talked to other guys, flirting but nothing more. he flirted with other girls in return, and i just broke up with him. he completely cut ties with me. i had no way of contacting him. it wasn't until i was cleaning out my inbox that i found an old email. i contacted him and i gave him his space. i contacted him again after some time and he starts flirting and saying he misses me. he hardly asks about the baby after the first day but expects me to sext with him. my emotions are all messed up because I still love the guy. i tried to protect myself by enforcing boundaries and now i miss again. i break into tears at random because i keep thinking about what he said if i had told him sooner, he would've been there, why can't he be here now? I'm doing all that i can. i tried to keep myself out of it, but he's involved me with all this reminiscing. i don't know where to go now. And top it off, i gave him the info i had about dna testing and he never said anything since. i don't know if he's handling it or i should be. i don't know if i should ask him or just wait. i only ever wanted my baby to have a father. I'm willing to step out of the picture and put my feelings aside, i just wanted him to stop talking to me the way he was.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2014):
 Don't let HIM take charge of the DNA testing.
CONTACT the Child Support Services for your area and GO through them. THEY will contact him for the testing. (and you) since Daddy/baby will be tested together in some places.
It's YOUR job to make SURE your BABY is taken care of, which means YOU need to step up and contact CSS. He is QUITE happy not lifting a finger because as long as he can drag it out, he won't have to pay or deal with the fact that he has a child.
YOU presume that he gives a rats behind and THUS will do the right thing and step up, HE WON'T.
And I agree wanting to have a family with him, BECAUSE he is the bio-dad doesn't mean you "love" him. I mean seriously, what is there to love about this guy? I think you LOVE the idea of you 3 together. I think you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed having to deal with EVERYTHING yourself. THAT is why you want him in the picture. (not that I blame you) but going by how he has treated you since... he isn't GOING to step up.
http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=185
http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/child/child2c.htm
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 December 2014):
 FOCUS!!!!!! You (and he) want a DNA test done to see if this guy is, in fact, the father of your baby..... Stick to arranging for that...... and, later, you can come back on here and tell us what happened......
If'n I were he..... I'd do JUST WHAT HE'S DOING, in order to obsfuscate what's going on...... Don't fall for it...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 December 2014):
 As I remember you and him were casual. He's had weeks to think about it, probably some days trying not to and being "busy." He's putting this all on you so you won't look at him as some heartless, cold person who balks at the idea of being a father. To say he loved you was far fetched. As for the dna test you can ask clinics or the court to speed up that process. All he has to do is agree to a time for an appointment. You should also not confuse your desire to have an intact family for loving him. To love you need time to get together and form a deep connection. He was sexting because he wants to lighten up after the bomb had been dropped on him. If you don't like him just discourage that conversation.
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