A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on.That ended a couple of years ago and since then he has married someone else. He moved abroad with her just over a year ago for his job but has come back for Christmas. He's gotten in touch with me and says he wants to meet up for a drink. Now, i'm not a total idiot. The messages between us have been some-what flirty and i know what he's like so i don't think it's a very good idea to be meeting up with him.I know i shouldn't have even considered it and just said no outright but when it comes to him i tend to make very stupid choices. I can' help but feel jealous of his wife. They post pictures together on Facebook, they now live in a hot country where he has a good job and he's always boasting about a new car he's bought etc They even posted a picture where they got matching teeth whitening together.It's like they're living this perfect life and she's got everything yet he only sees me as someone to try and sleep with. He never said sex but he said he wanted a cuddle from me when he sees me. Should i just ignore him if he sends anymore messages? Would you be jealous of her if you were me? I don't know what to do.
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christmas, facebook, flirt, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (24 December 2014):
 I don't follow your logic OP. The man buys his wife things and she thinks they are happy and yet he wants to sneak around to see you. thats not a great guy. Who wants that type of a relationship? he hurt you, even more reason to stay away. Thank your lucky stars you aren't his wife. End of story.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 December 2014):
 Nope not a bit PLUS there's no upside to chit-charing any more so knock it off.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (24 December 2014):
All of these answers you have got are great but So Very Confused has said what I was thinking. You are the lucky one here, you didnt get to have a farce of a marriage with this loser. Surely you see that? And NO dont meet up with him for ANY reason/excuse, that is the worst thing you could do. Take it from me, you were lucky to escape him. Remember how bad he made you feel, next time he attempts to contact you. Merry Christmas
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 December 2014):
 Your submittal makes it perfectly clear that you know how boneheaded it would be to meet up with this creature...
HOWEVER, I can't help but imagine you, at your computer keyboard, typing it, and thinking: "Oh, please Aunts and Uncles.... PLEASE give me some justification - some excuse - to do this meet-up..."
Ain't gonna happen...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): OP here.
I'm not some heartless person. I do care. That's the problem. If I didn't care I'd meet with him, guilt free and sleep with him but I couldn't. It's a very long story bit this man has caused me a great deal of pain over the past few years. This isn't about something as petty as what car his wife drives. I just used those material things as example. He clearly loves her and treats her with respect. It just seems like they have the perfect life and it's very hard for me to not care or feel anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2014):
 Would I be jealous of her? No. She didn't win some great prize. She got a husband who was a cheater (might still be one) and she got MATERIAL goodies of an affluent lifestyle, so WHAT? Having new shiny things doesn't make a person have a happy life or marriage.
I honestly think you are considering the met up, because you are not jealous of her, you are mad at her. Because HE married her and only had dalliances with you. Like that was her choice!
You know what's right and what's wrong, I just don't think you care.
Meeting up with him will DO nothing for you. Not boost your self esteem (because let's face it, he could go visit a massage parlor if he JUST wants sex, but you would be "free/without cost" and hopefully STD free too.
Why you waste your life with petty jealousy of a women you don't know and talking/flirting with this man is beyond me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2014):
 you are jealous of a woman who's husband lies to her and cheats on her (emotional cheating is worse in my book than physical)
you are jealous of THINGS she has. cars, vacations, white teeth..... NOT of the (non) CATCH of a spouse she has.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 December 2014):
I wouldn't meet him, I would delete every way possible for him to contact you and put him out of mind. Don't be jealous of his wife! You dodged a bullet. She probably thinks she has a loyal loving husband when in reality he's a scoundrel and would cheat on her any chance he got. She's living in a dream world and when she finally wakes up, its not going to be pretty. Don't be jealous..be happy you aren't her.
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