A
female
age
30-35,
*indaloo
writes:Hi after some advice- my so called friend keeps cancelling on me. 3 night we have arranged to go out/do something together and she either never replies to me saying what time are we meeting or you know general questions and then texts me for example; we were going out tonight which she suggested and she never replied to me until about 10 mins ago saying that her phone has broken so couldnt get in touch with me to say she cant come blah blah blah and i put back what is the point in arranging something with you in the first place- if I had known I would hav gone out last night with the other (i didnt put the last bit, but thats what I am now wishing I had done!!!) her reply is now that her mum is in hospital doesnt feel like going out...do i ignore her? i will blow it if i text her again!! we have also booked a holiday for april which i have paid for until she eventually pays me which i am very doubting shes coming with me on. She also says she would like to do something for new years eve but I dont want her to do the exact same thing like she has been doing these past few weeks. I know she has boyfriend but you would think spending time with a friend would be nice too with her organising it in the first place. I basically have very limited friends so the ones i do have mean a lot so i dont want to fall out with her over this. What would you all do? or suggest i did? I am beginning to think I am doing something wrong now??
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 December 2014):
 THREE stand-ups?????? That's two-and-a-half too many to believe that there is really "something" going on between the two of you....
Give up on her, and get on with your life....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 December 2014):
 Don't be afraid to let her know you made other plans, YOU after all didn't like it when SHE didn't text you, so don't play those games.
You ARE allowed to go out with other people, specially if she has flaked n you SEVERAL times.
A:" I'm sorry, I already made plans tonight, maybe a rain check?"
If she gets mad over that, then *shrug* I'd ignore her a while.
I had a friend who suffered from anxieties, and she would cancel WELL MADE plans at the drop of a hat. A couple of time I would just stop by her house and talk her into coming out anyways, other times just to say hey, it's OK. We will be at this place if you still want to come later on. BUT with her we all KNEW that she had anxieties and that she WOULD "flake" with your friend I am not sure why she does it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Not all friends are unreliable. Protect yourself financially and seek other people it's time to get your power back. This so called friend is not worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Thanks everyone. In the meantime she has text me again to say that we could meet up and go for a meal tonight. I've already got plans so im not cancelling them now. I haven't replied to her though. I dont want to lose her as a friend but if i text back i know it wont be a pleasant read!!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 December 2014):
 Woah! Check your travel booking for any conditions attached to cancelling. Ask her after Christmas what her plans are for repaying you ......... tell her Christmas has left you short of cash or something, if she doesn't start paying within a week or two cancel the tickets.
I wouldn't be making too many plans with her, she does appear to be flakey and unreliable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): I had exactly the same kind of a friend. I don't have good news for you: this is hopeless. People like this are just so flaky that nothing ever works out with them. She will make you wait and wait, she will cancell on you all the time, she will always have excuses. I went actually through 2 of "friends" like that. Everything has to be on their term. Actually it is funny how you said she is the one that organizes the sole outing and then cancels. With my last friend it was the same story, she was the one who was initiating everything and then when I am all ready she calls me 10 min. Before I have to leave and cancells. My advice would be to give up on her. She will never be your real friend, she will manipulate you into waiting for her endlessly and she will ruin lots of your weeknights.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2014):
Tell your friend that you are sorry her mom is in the hospital and then go out with other people.
You might want to remember that EVERYONE else don't revolve around you, and what YOU want to do.
For now makes plans without her, if she has started to become fickle then give her a little space, you could (be nice) and ask her to join but don't build you whole "entertainment" around her.
As for the holiday in April, you have paid for the both of you to go? Or for yourself? If you have paid for both, I would ask her (after Christmas) if she is still going if not cancel her booking/ticket and either go by yourself or someone else.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 December 2014):
 Yes you are doing something wrong you are expecting a different result every time you try to be nice. Your "friend" is inconsiderate and selfish. Might be time to seek out a new and improved friend.
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