A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. First, il wish everybody on here a very merry Christmas and I hope you all have a great day! Anyway, here's the deal, I am married for two years and been trying for a baby for almost a year, but we are certainly not panicking yet as we have found out there is nothing wrong with us physically, so at the moment we are just grateful for that and preying to god to bless us when the time is right. My problem is with my mother in law. She is an alcoholic and is literally drinking herself to death. She has really upset me with some of the things she has said me. She said she wishes we would hurry up because she is dying and that we need to get a move on or she won't get to see her grandchild. Her exact words were "this is my last year alive, you need to get a f*****g move on". I simply said, I wish I could hurry up, and that it was as simple as that. She even made cruel comments to me about how my husband must shoot blanks, but i quickly told her that the leading fertility doctor in our country has told him this is not true, infact, his count is higher than most. I know this, and that our doc has every faith it will happen, but I've felt like a failure ever since she said we visited. We haven't allowed it to stress us out over Christmas, but the fact I don't have control over it is killing me. Getting pregnant is not something that always happens when you click your fingers, and she should know, as she apparently tried for two years for my husband, so a whole year longer than us! She also said she will be really disappointed if its not a girl, which is just silly because nobody can control that. I know she is just a spiteful woman, and she has said lots of things to me in the past that I have just let wash over me because she is ill, but this has really got to me. I'm tired of her self inflicted illness being an excuse for her behaviour. Should I ask my husband to speak to her, or is there no point, as she is unlikely to heed him? I don't want to see her anymore, and she is oblivious to the stress she has caused. She also moaned at me that her two nieces are pregnant before me, and she wanted me to be before them. It's not some sort of race or competition, but she has made me feel like it is and that I am failing miserably. And if something, god forbid, does happen her before I have a baby, I will feel so guilty because although she has really annoyed me, I know how much it means to her. What would you guys do in my situation?
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alcoholic, christmas, her ex, move on, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 December 2014):
 honeypie speaks truth.... Since your M-i-L adds lots of vitriole to the human condition.... you have to cancel her out by being even NICER to her than she is NASTY to you...
It does work!!!
Merry Christmas and good luck....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2014):
 "Kill" her with kindness and IGNORE all the monster-in-law rudeness.
If she starts talking smack about your hubby or you.. then just change subject, don't argue, don't get in the gutter with her, pretend you didn't hear it, because.... whatever she said... doesn't matter. NOT ONE BIT.
You will conceive when YOUR body is good and ready, if she is around GREAT (well maybe no, since she isn't exactly mom of the year and I doubt will never be Grandma of the year either) if she DOESN'T make it to see your child, well, THAT is her choice AS SHE IS drinking herself to death. (or is that your fault too?)
I would stop talking to her if she starts getting nasty, just make an excuse and get off the phone with her, EVERY FRAKKING time. Maybe she will get the hint.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 December 2014):
 You sound like a really nice young woman. Its a shame your mother in law just can't appreciate you and be greatful to have a lovely daughter in law. Sadly, dealing with an alcoholic can be very trying. My son is in a smilar situation with his dad, my ex husband. He is a raging alcoholic and desperately wants to have a grandchild. My son is 27 is not where he wants to be in his career yet and also hasn't find a girl that he wants to settle down with. His dad doesn't care, he makes outrageous remarks telling my son to "just find any girl, get her pregnant and give me a grandchild!" I mean..are you kidding me??? He also likes to play the "I'm dying" card. Its disgusting. Little does he know that my son would NEVER let him around a child.
My son just laughs at his dad and says "Uh..it will be when I'm good and ready and not until then dad..so knock it off". And my son will then walk away.
Don't let her make you feel guilty sweetie. I would't even discuss things with her anymore, just look at her and say "this subject isn't open to discussion..would you like to talk about something else?"
And kudos to you for trying to be kind and understanding. Alcoholics are very difficult people to be around. It sounds like you handle her with grace and dignity.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 December 2014):
 For God's sake, please stop trying to reason with this woman. No more fertility doctor testimonials and explanations on the human reproductive system. The woman can't have lived all these years without learning a thing or two. She knows how it works.
Don't involve your husband in this and stop taking what she says to heart. The next time she opens her mouth, you reply with a short, sharp 'We're not having a baby at YOUR convenience'. Not nasty, just deadpan and unimpressed.
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