A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi my partner is quite complex we have been together nearly 3 years and have a 2 year old son. Ok so I go to college and work and pay for everything in the home my partner is currently unemployed and hasn't really looked for a job either. I'm not happy as he has not contributed to Xmas not even for his own family! Any way I said I'm not happy today and he got really defensive and angry at me.We were ok for a while and he said he was popping out for half an hour and that he would look after our child so I could finish my assignment for college as its to be handed in tomorrow. Anyway 2 hours later he's not home so I ring him and he said he's at his moms and setting off now should be around 5 minutes but he never showed so I keep ringing him and he keeps telling me hes setting off, 5 hours later he arrives and I'm pissed off and said so. He took this as I'm controlling and stop him from seeing his mom (spends hours there each day!) which isn't true! He smashed his phone and said he's leaving and banging around the house! He does this (taking hours to do something) everyday and I never complain its just today as I have an assignment to finish for tomorrows deadline. Am I in the wrong? Why he allowed to tell me hes pissed off with me about something when he feels like it but I'm not? I'm getting so sick of this shit I feel like I'm living with a loser! Please help thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): You are a fair better human being then he is. You are furthering your education, working hard and raising a child. Whereas he sits on his arse. I assume he looks after your child while you work and study, but you don't need to be in a relationship with him for him to do that. As the father he should be willing to help raise his child.Why do you put up with his crap? He's obviously a liar - because he didn't come back when he said he would on a day that was so important to you. He doesn't seem to value your opinion or your feelings. He claimed to want to spend all this time with his mum but he couldn't even contribute to their Christmas?! What a tool.Does this relationship make you happy? How is this going to affect your child, seeing this idiotic behaviour of throwing things around and shouting? It might not be directy in front of your child but I guarantee they've already heard enough to know what's going on - kids no matter how young are not blind to all this.You are driven, you must be to hold down college, work and a family. You would cope without this waster in your life and it might even be easier without his tantrums and random absences.Think of yourself and your child and weigh up your relationship. What if in one of his tantrums he threw something and it hit your child? Or your child sees him as a role model and thinks it's ok to also react to you in that way? Consider your long term future and where you see this relationship going, you've got to do what's right for you and your child. You can't change someone, they've got to do it for themselves x
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 December 2014):
 When you go to college and work, who is watching your 2-year old son?? Do you put him in day care, have your parents or in-laws watching him, or does he watch him?? If it your boyfriend is watching your son, that is a contribution. If he's home keeping house, taking care of your kid, and cooking/cleaning, that is a contribution.
However, even if he's contributing, that doesn't excuse the 5 hours he took off on you the day of your big project. That's not cool.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 December 2014):
 You ask: "Am I in the wrong?"
Yes.... you ARE wrong.... to be hanging around that loll-about, not very good, "boyfriend"... He sounds like an immature jerk.... (and) NOT someone who seems to tend to himself, OR his partner (you!)....
WHAT does he have to offer you, in life? ... besides this strife that you've described? Do you want to be able to write this submittal again, in five years? ... in ten years? Unless HE changes... or you replace him with a real "boyfriend".... then I'm sorry to say that you will be able to do so...
Dump him....
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