A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:You can be walking down the street (or in a store), and men would approach and ask for your name and number. Or you're at the club and they offer to buy you a drink. Pretty much wherever you are, men shower you with attention, even if you just met. And after years of experiences like these, you've come to realize that you're attractive to men, and you know it. I have 3 questions about this:1. Can you describe what's it like to be attractive to men? 2. How do you now expect the average man to behave when he notices you for the first time?3. What do you think of men in general as it relates to them being attracted to you? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): Wow, what a fem.anonymous below described is a very rare phenomenon.
She must be somehow extraordinary beatifull and have a very unusual effect on men if she gets offers for jobs, celebrities are smitten by her and so on. There are so many beatifull girls and women out there, but I am sure not many have the same overwhelming effect on people.
When women are very young , let's say before the age of 25, they do get lots of attention from males. I remember that period of my life. Was it "amazing", did I feel like I have an upper hand, did I feel that I can get anything I want? Not really.
Most times guys that gave me this much attention didn't interest me at all.
I was a beatifull girl, but I was heartbroken as many times as the average looking girl was. To climb on a career ladder took me a great deal of effort,
CEOs didn't jump out of their pants to offer me a dream job only based ona fact that I am beatifull.
Men who could be my fathers age wise stared and drooled over me. Was that supposed to make feel good? I don't think so.
Many guys who offered me the sky In a beginning and said how incredibly beatifull I am were loosing interest in me as soon as sex happened, because this is all they needed to begin with.
The era of intense starring and thousands of compliments from guys lasts only a few years. You get older, men who are younger become more in quantity, and for them you are out of their age range.
Overall, I can't imagine that ANY woman can enjoy this kind of attention.
IT gets old very fast, and very fast I started not to care at all what a guy has to say about my beauty.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): I suppose it is the same feeling when you are a very handsome guy and get many hits from girls. I am not handsome but assume that it is a great feeling to be attractive to the opposite sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): It's amazing. It feels really good. You know you can get and can have anything you want. It gives you an upper hand. That's the best way I can describe it. It's not only men, you get approached by women too sometimes. You get special treatment. People will like you or give you a chance just because of what you look like.
It feels good when you run into a celebrity you grew up watching and he is smitten with you. Or when you go to an office party of one of the leading architects in the world and your just standing there nibbling on some cheese and for no apparent reason the CEO asks to be introduced to you and offers you a job with the mayor upon graduating college. Just because you're pretty. You know something is going on in your exterior, you are giving off a vibe, you have a look, that draws people to you. But no matter how many times you hear it, it never quite sinks in. I don't see what other people see. It's like I know the power I hold in terms of beauty but I don't see why people see that in me. You know you can be thrown into scenarios most people could only dream of and never feel out of place. Just because of how you look.
It won't fix all your problems but it definitely gives you confidence and a sense of importance.
You notice interesting things that break stereotypes. Its interesting to walk into a gallery opening, with minimal make up on, just blue jeans and a blouse, and the man who has a voluptuous, heavily made up woman on his arm with massive cleavage exposed, can't keep his eyes off of you. Which brings up another point. How minimalist you can be. Even walking out of your house with Sunday morning bed head still doesn't take away from you.
And meeting a guy at a bar? A guy opening a door, buying you drinks? That's peanuts. That's nothing. Some guys are afraid to ask for your number. One guy who used to have a crush on me used to call my work to find out information about me. My name. My number. He was denied but he told my employers to let me know that "I'm beautiful." He could not bring himself to talk to me so would resort to these roundabout gestures. Nonetheless, it still feels good.
Sometimes you get compliments that deep down you know are not just pick up lines but are very unique to you. And the times you do dress up and you do get made up, you are the show stopper. And you got strangers on elevators staring at you commenting on how stunning you look.
I mean what can I say. It feels really good. In a lot of ways it makes life easy.
What a woman expects from a man is subjective. I like to feel like I am respected. That's all. I don't expect anything from anybody upon first meeting them. Except respect.
That a man is attracted to me does not change what I think of him. If I like him I like him, if I don't, I simply don't. This guy I don't get along with once told me I am one of the most attractive women he'd ever seen. I certainly indulged the compliment but it doesn't change our animosity toward each other.
This is a touchy subject as it seems to come off as I may have a high level of conceit. But I don't. Its pretty taboo, not a topic that is appropriate to talk about without sounding like a braggard jackass. You know? You asked, I answered as honestly as possible. But yeah, that's what it's like.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 January 2015):
 Hey Sage, it's a dude posting this.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2015):
 Here are your answers, from an old codger, who's "been there, done that".....
1. I can't, but you can. IF it goes to your head, and makes you think that your really "sumthin' special" then you need to figure out how to come down from your self-constructed pedestal......
2. You'll find men along a spectrum from "total as$hole to darn nice guy..."
3. Men who behave forwardly and/or aggressively toward you - because you are so darn HOT - aren't worth your time and/or attention. I'm sure it's tempting to lure them along.... but.... if'n you do (lure them).... then you'll be just like all the other self-centered cute girls who are doing the same, and setting themselves up for disappointment, later...
The "rules" for people being nice to one-another aren't predicated on whether or not one (or, both) of them is/are attractive....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 January 2015):
Personally I think every girl deals with attention like this, whether they look like a victoria's secret model or a "plain jane". But to answer your questions:
1. The only times I truly felt attractive to men was when they approached me with a very nice compliment and then gave me space to let me know that just because they said that to me doesn't mean I owe them something. That's when I know someone is attracted to me because they let me know and still treated me in a respectful manner. Catcalling, innuendo's, blatant flirting and being put on the spot about giving your contact information are not things that make me feel attractive. It makes me feel like a piece of meat and I do not enjoy that at all.
2. What I expect and what I hope for are unfortunately two very different things. I expect the bad behavior described above, but I hold out hope for being treated well. In a professional situation I expect professionalism. I can't take any man seriously who uses a business transaction as an opportunity to flirt.
3. When you're young and pretty, which is supposed to be a glorious time, many men manage to turn it into a curse. It's a well known cliche that pretty girls complain about being pretty, but a lot of attention they get because of their looks is simply creepy and not enjoyable at all. So let's stop making what's supposed to be the best time of a woman's life the most uncomfortable. Because women are living a balance act. They're supposed to be beautiful but to be beautiful means having to put up with creepy attention from men. However, once you're not beautiful or because you don't subscribe to that standard you get overlooked and dismissed by everyone so that's not a nice situation either. (To illustrate how important beauty has become in relation to women, look at Audrey Hepburn. She's someone who has accomplished tons of admirable things that have nothing to do with looks, but all society remembers her by is the fact she was pretty.)
If you want to give a woman a compliment, say something nice, but back off afterwards. She doesn't owe you her attention (or sex) because you gave her attention. Treat her like a person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): I was harrassed by men from 15 onwards. My best friend had it worse. She was followed by guys and they used to flock round her in pubs or in clubs. She was a beautiful girl and not at all vain or conceited. It's not nice and I don't miss that attention one bit. The middle aged men were the worst ie my friends' fathers and uncles with their lustful looks and comments "Haven't you grown up!" I was quite a shy teenager and used to cringe at the unwanted attention I got from men. Things got easier after I passed my driving test and didn't have to walk or get public transport......
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 January 2015):
Well, I am older now and so don't get as much attention anymore, but I will tell you that back when I was constantly approached by men I will tell you that I was NOT flattered.
It isn't flattering to be approached by strangers when you are minding your own darn business at the grocery store. It isn't flattering to be leered at, or have men catcall at you, or to be put in the uncomfortable position of NOT wanting to give out your number. And sometimes men get angry when you say no. And there is no way to tell which guys will get angry. And often those that don't get angry just try to pressure you into it.
It is almost as though they feel as though they are entitled to you. As though you aren't a real person with real feelings, but a piece of ass put on earth for them. And then they have the audacity to tell you that you should be "flattered". Really? Flattered? Not so much.
My two cents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): I honestly don't know if I'm attractive to all men or most men. But I am attractive to some men at least. My impression when a man hits on me or asks me out without knowing me, only seeing me, is displeasure. I don't trust a man like that. He doesn't know anything about me and obviously does care, he hits on every girl who looks good. In my experience, a man who can appreciate attractiveness but not be leashed to it is a more mature guy. You can tell because he asks out women that he knows he can respect and be happy with because of her personality and other qualities. He shoots high and not for just anything. As a waitress, it was the worst being ogled and shouted at by a table of men. It's humiliating and irritating. The average man, I expect to behave decently in most settings such as a grocery store or bank or restaurant. He might behave differently at a bar or club. I've found that the average man will not objectify and put me on the spot as a waitress, only the more childish ones. I found the average man might wait till the end of the meal and leave me a sweet note.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): Almost any woman since the age of 12 gets attention from men. When I say any, I literally mean any. When a woman is very young she attracts men non stop as she is in the age where young men her age are the most active looking for sex.,By a certain age let's say 30 being a woman I was pretty much fed up with all this attention. I pretty much knew that men are looking for sex at all times and this attention didn't flatter me a bit. Of course I have a strikingly beatifull friend who turns heads, I don't have this effect on men but honestly both of us don't really care for this kind of attention. Attention and showers with attention can be a very annoying and irritating thing. Once I was in Turkey and this attention really drove me up the wall. I changed clothes, put a scarf around my neck to cover my boobs, still though it went down a bit, I had more attention that I wanted my much. I expect men to treat me with respect. First minute he put an eye on me or later. I don't expect them to buy me drinks or compliment me non stop. Now being in my 40s I really don't even care about their opinion about my appearance. Though I am in good shape, and still get hit on often I remain quite indifferent honestly. I know what's underneath this attention and it worth very little in my eyes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): 1. Can you describe what's it like to be attractive to men? Horrible. I now distrust men because unfortunately more often than not, when they so much as open their mouths it's sexual. I feel like I can't even stop to tell him the time if a man asks me because I've had enough men come onto me to think they all want a stag. It is incredibly demeaning to walk into a room and always feel people looking at your are or your chest - smirking at their friends or looking at you with lust. 2. How do you now expect the average man to behave when he notices you for the first time?To ask for my number or to flirt. Or at least smile longingly. Experience has taught me that men see me 1st sex on legs. 3. What do you think of men in general as it relates to them being attracted to you? Thanks.Disappointed. I am afraid to make friends with them because it often turns out they had a hidden agenda.I respect them less because they often don't see past my beautiful body.
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