A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When my ex broke up with me I told her how I wanted to marry her and that I was secretly saving money on the side to buy an engagement ring. She told me “Don’t buy her a ring because she wants a ring, buy her a ring because I want to buy her a ring” Does someone know what this means because I’m confused, I thought when I was saving money on the side that was something I wanted to do like making her my wife.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (26 December 2014):
Dear OP,
I think your ex meant that men should save for a wedding ring if they truly desire to marry the woman. And that you did something else, saving money to buy her a ring, because you thought SHE wanted one, but not out of your own desire. So basically, the ring would not have been a symbol for your love, but for your obedience and addiction to harmony.
Maybe she said that to feel less guilty about breaking up with you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2014):
 My guess?
You ONLY told her you were saving up for a engagement ring AFTER you two broke up. Making her think you are now "offering" marriage, not because you WANT to marry her, but because you think that is the ONLY way to stay together.
So it's not a sincere offer (in her mind) it's a: " OH shit I better say I want to marry her.... or else."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): She feels like you're only buying her a ring because she wants you to, NOT because you WANT to. There's a difference in doing something because you know someone expects/wants it and doing something because YOU want to.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 December 2014):
 Too much semantic obsfuscation here. Here's "the answer" to what I THINK you are asking:
DON'T get her a ring because you THINK that that is what SHE would like...... GET HER A RING because YOU think that SHE is the cat's pajamas.... that YOU are crazy about her and want to spend the rest of your life with her....
Isn't that perfectly clear?????
Merry Christmas, and good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): it will be more meaningful if she had said “Don’t buy her a ring because she wants a ring, buy her a ring because you want to buy her a ring”. Do you think that is what she meant?
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (26 December 2014):
It sounds as if she thinks you were going to propose because SHE wanted you to, not because YOU are excited about marrying her.
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