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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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How do I get my 73 year old husband to wash every day?
Q. How can I get my husband of 73 to wash everyday? He gets upset when I pull away from him as even a kiss makes me feel sick...he never brushes his teeth, I change pillow cases every day as they are smelly and greasy! We have single beds now...I ...
A. 25 July 2014: OMG! I'm 70 and and cannot imagine going one day without a long hot shower in the morning. I can't stand someone eles' BO much less my own. I'd gue that he must be suffering from something deep an dark that needs extra therapy like (phsycological) ... (read in full...)
I feel like a booty call without the sex! Should I give him a chance or run for the hills?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month now. My issue is for some reason if I plan a date something family related always comes up and he either ends up coming really late or rescheduling. The huge thing is we always end up hanging out ...
A. 25 July 2014: Yep, a booty call is the end game..he's just setting you up for it by demonstrating to him that he has control.... (read in full...)
I think a man who wants woman will not let her go!
Q. I met a man and everything fell together so seamlessly. We were both crazy about each other and he told me he saw a future with me, and very quickly was telling me he was in love with me (within a month). I am weary of people falling too quickly ...
A. 24 July 2014: OK, it doesn't make sense to you then you should do what does make sense to you. If you think the world revolves around you and your man is supposed to feel the same way, that's fine. You should make that known going into any relationship first ... (read in full...)
Does porn preference coincide with sex preference?
Q. My live in girlfriend of four years and I have a great relationship and a healthy sex life. I recently discovered that she is into porn. She forgot to close a tab on the browser and after seeing it I checked the history. She views a lot of intense, ...
A. 24 July 2014: Who knows, it could be that she's into that OR, it could mean she was just curious. Haven't you ever opened up a fetish site out of curiosity? Doesn't mean since you watched grannie porn that you're into older women or does it? Ask her about it.... (read in full...)
Why have I never felt this way about any other guy? He makes me tingle.
Q. My boyfriend is the one and only person that I have ever been with that literally makes me go crazy horny when I think of him. I'm thirty years old! I never felt this physical attraction with anyone else.. Sorry for TMI but my clitoris literall...
A. 24 July 2014: He is one lucky guy!... (read in full...)
I've made it clear: monogamy is my preference. Am I over-reacting to his suggestion re a threesome?
Q. Help my partner has told me he would participate in a threesome with me and another man if I ever wanted that . I told him that I would never ask for that and the fantasy is one thing but in real life a threesome is not something I'm interested in ...
A. 24 July 2014: Good for you. Stick to your values, he apparently has none. A marraige is built for two not three, otherwise the best man would have honeymooned with you guys.... (read in full...)
She's come back into my life, but she has a Bf. Should I tell her my feelings for her?
Q. Too make a long story short. A girl who ive really liked has come back into my life, I've liked her since 7th grade and that was 9 years ago. I'm a college junior now and a lot has changed from then, she is still amazing to me, when i first saw her ...
A. 24 July 2014: She has an 'established' life plan with her curren boyfriend. Why confuse(disrupt) that? just to hope against hope that she might have latent feelings for you and dump her current love? I think you;re trying to live out a fantasy we all have from ... (read in full...)
Should I choose loyalty or my own interest? I'd love to have kids but her condition means she cannot have intercourse.
Q. Hi, I am in my early 40s and in a relationship with a woman for a very long time. We really get along very well and I would be happy to spend the rest of our lives together... IF it weren't for the fact that she has a health condition for a ver...
A. 23 July 2014: Agoraphobia is a wierd phobia but it is real and should thus be treated. As to intercourse,well there are millions of us out here that just have had to deal with it as should you. Get a grip, take her to a 'shrink' for the phobia and use porn as ... (read in full...)
The spark is gone from our sex life, will bringing in a third person help?
Q. Hi. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. We still love each other but the spark has gone from our sex life, although we regularly have sex. For many years I have always told her that the thought of her having sex with another well endowed ...
A. 22 July 2014: Three's a crowd especially in the bedroom.don't do it not even just for fun. You cannot un-see that event and your memory of it will be toxic to the future relationship.... (read in full...)
Why are some women so insecure when it comes to porn?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the last five years. We met in high school and pretty much hit it off right away. We became instantly close from then and although we have our own share of problems, porn was never one of them. We have b...
A. 22 July 2014: There's a big difference when it comes to porn. Women are not excited by it like we men are,therefore they don't find any relevance in it other than a time bandit away from them.... (read in full...)
I don't want to give him an ultimatum, either pick me or masturbation/porn but his choice is having an impact on our sex life. What would you do?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has a lot of great qualities but our sex life is lacking. He can't always maintain an erection when we're having sex or when he can he can sometimes he still can't orgasm. He says he watches a lot of porn and masturb...
A. 22 July 2014: Te this sounds like you've already made up your mind that his pleasures need to be more with himself than with you,ergo the ultimatum would be a good idea to let him know why you're going to leave.... (read in full...)
How do I keep from being a slut?
Q. I fell for this guy when I was 15, and we broke up when I was 17. I'm 19 now. When we were together I was so happy, he was my first kiss, first love and on my 17th birthday I gave him my virginity. A couple weeks later he broke up with me. For the ...
A. 22 July 2014: Not to worry, you can unring any bell in this catagory. Just because yo've been taken advantage of doesn't men you have to go down in flames. You may be using that event as a rational for current behavior, but deep down you know it's just an excuse ... (read in full...)
I've met his friends but not his family -- is he not as sincere as I'd thought?
Q. I've been seeing a chap for two years; he is a widower and I am a divorcee with a young son. 'My' chap has met my family (parents and sister) and I have met his friends but not his family. I don't want to come over all 'bunny boiler' about th...
A. 22 July 2014: Your instincts are telling you what to do...I'd follow them. Anyone that 'hides' their family has something to hide more than the family. most folks are proud of the family they came from and can'y wait to have them meet the prospective family ... (read in full...)
My heart is broken....I don't know how to fix this. Help me!
Q. My husband asked me to fulfill a fantasy for him. He wanted me to have sex with another man and video it for he and I to watch later. I am not as open minded as him and it took me a while to process the idea and agree to it. We did it this ...
A. 22 July 2014: Frankly, your husband is an ass and yor heart should not bebroken it should befilled with contempt! My advice would be find a path to freedom from this creep. Now, I'm as kinky asthe next guy but what he had you do was way over the top. Get away ... (read in full...)
Would any man even be interested in a woman of only five feet if she is not extremely slim ?
Q. I'm recently back in the dating game after a long relationship but finding myself worried about my height . I only five feet tall and a little plump. I lost considerable weight through weight loss surgery and am happy with where I'm at now . I am ...
A. 21 July 2014: body image be damned...It's the eyes that are the secret to whether or not a man is attracted to you. In my mind anyway.... (read in full...)
My B/f seems to think I should be available to fit around his busy schedule. Am I being out of line?
Q. I'm looking for some advice on the argument I just had with my boyfriend please. He has been on vacation for 2 and a bit weeks, at a music festival in Spain. Before he left and during the course of him being away, I've asked him a couple of time...
A. 21 July 2014: Not the way it works in my world. In my world the male is conditioned to be at the beconed call of the female and the male has NO timetables of his own...but that's from way back when[When the women of the world took charge and said, 'now look here, ... (read in full...)
He love me not ... he loves me?
Q. ok, i'm trying to think less about boys and i'm getting out more because i know it's good for me, but the guy i really like is next door and we're kinda like best friends (we knew about each other since we were little but rarely got to see each ...
A. 21 July 2014: I didn't realize there were tests for this sort of thing but admittadly I am way behind times on these issues.Soooo,my advice is when the "do nothing option" is available take it!... (read in full...)
Husband has no interest in sex and has ED. Ten years of no sex. How can I address my need for sexual satisfaction?
Q. I'm so sad, I don't know what to do. Me and my husband can't have sex , due to his lack of libido, and inability to get an erection . I just don't know what to do. I'm in such a despair , about this. Time to time, I feel I can't go on like this. I ...
A. 19 July 2014: It cuts both ways; 50 years married, wife can't/won't no sex in 15 years.....Life sucks, then you die. Hope your luck improves. I'm sure mine won't.... (read in full...)
Why are some younger guys physically attracted to older women?
Q. When you write that question on google, you get a lot of answers such: having their life together, being more self-assured, more open sexually, etc etc, but I was wondering how some younger men find bodies with signs of aging attractive, what do ...
A. 19 July 2014: Older women are usually more mature and not as 'giggly' and superficial as the younger women. They don't spend time telling you about their problems with ex-boyfriends or current girlfriends etc. And they're more experiencd in the bedroom.... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting? My husband's been having outburts that make no sense. It this the start of domestic abuse?
Q. I have been with my husband for five years, married for two of them. He is usually helpful, polite, funny and affectionate. In the last three years, there have been outbursts that made no sense. In the first one, he started an argument when we ...
A. 19 July 2014: My bet is he is suffering from depression which manifests itself in the kind of ourburst you describe. Seek help.... (read in full...)
What are my chances with her? Should I message her? It was going so well at first.
Q. I met this girl on a web site. we went on a date on sat night and met her again on sunday. We had so much fun.. went back to her house on saturday night ( no sex) and sunday she came over we went to the pool ( no sex) she wants to wait. I respec...
A. 18 July 2014: The new personal communication skills are limited to text,msg and FB? Th ONLY real way to communicate is face-to face. If she doesn't want to see you face to face drop her like a hot potatoe.... (read in full...)
Why would my sexy sext stranger mention marriage, of all things?
Q. A guy I met online (from far faaar away) and I have been texting/sexting for about 2 and a 1/2 weeks now. I'm new to sexting and find that I'm enjoying it immensly - we seem to be very compatible. However I don't expect anything more of this. It's ...
A. 17 July 2014: You are in a danger zone and need to withdraw ASAP. Forget sexting forget internet socializing .It's not real and you will get hurt! You think those pics just go away? Nope your pics are in the net and will follow you everywhere. Good Luck now get ... (read in full...)
I told my porn-addicted fiance that if he looked at porn again, I'm done. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and guess what?
Q. My now fiance had a porn addiction he was even looking at it at work. I basically told him if you do it again i'm done, this was over a year ago and i never caught him looking at it until now. I'm 37 weeks pregnant I looked at his phone history last ...
A. 17 July 2014: You presented an ultimatum and you should follow through with it.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I'm having twins?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have had sex for a little bit about every weekend for 1month I'm 22 he is 23 and we weren't protected once. I thought he was wearing a condom turns out I was wrong... Now I'm pregnant. I told him and he was quite surprised but ...
A. 17 July 2014: Tell him he's either going to love you twice as much as before or he's going to want to run. If he runs good ridence to bad rubish..otherwise everything 's fine.... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable? She went too far on a fourth date.
Q. I know I do have some OCD issues which I think may be contributing to this. I have been in love with my current GF for over 6 mos. She is 37 and was previously married for 13 years to the man that she saved herself for on her wedding day at t...
A. 17 July 2014: Not really, My current wife was pretty much 'that way' but I still love her. The past is the past what she did then was no more my business than what I did was her business.Carry on.... (read in full...)
Why do so many women have issues with men watching porn?
Q. I'm just a bit curious. I dont understand why some women get mad just because they caught their husbands/bfs watching porn? what's the deal? I used to watch porn with my bf, I dont see the big deal... It doesnt bother me... but why does it bother o...
A. 17 July 2014: My thoery is that some women are jealous of porn because it takes attention away from them for a period of time. These women see porn as some sort of evil distraction that will seduce their mate away.They couldn't be more wrong. Men know porn is an ... (read in full...)
I'm absolutely miserable at my job, what should I do when there are no tasks needing doing?
Q. I've been working a 9-5 summer internship/job for the summer - I do get paid, but on the downside, I'm absolutely miserable. I ask my supervisors for work, but they really don't have anything for me to do. When they give me work, I accomplish it, ...
A. 17 July 2014: Educate yourself about other interests within the company. Visit the th other departments.Get involed in continueing ucation couse on-line or at night schools. Motivate yourlf by takig extra courses i similar fields.... (read in full...)
Wedding booked, but worried about his flirty ways. How can I learn to trust him?
Q. I am getting married in June and I don't trust my partner in the staying faithful side. He is my soul mate i trust him in every other way 110% except to stay faithful to me. I married before 4 years ago and the guy was a complete idiot he did not ...
A. 17 July 2014: Itis ry understandable thatyou need an extra ose of reasurance asto faithfull. Hopeful, your new husband knows the history, he will be a man and stay faithfull while giving yo thoughtfull reassurances. In the meantime your best bet is to "trust yet ... (read in full...)
I can't get a Bf, but is it because I think boys judge girls on their looks?
Q. I had a crush on this boy for about a year, (he was 18) and we have been friends for about 4 years. I thought it was time for me to tell him how I feel, it took a lot of courage but eventually I asked him out. He said he'd get back to me.. He came ...
A. 17 July 2014: The short answer is no. Some boys are VERY imature and think a certain body type or hair color dictates who they should be attracted to. At aboutage 18 we guys begin to realize girls are all attractive just in different ways. You just haven't met a ... (read in full...)
Should I leave this FWB?
Q. We've now known eachother for 5 five and have been FWB for four. In the beginning, I was instantly attracted to her but due to certain anti-social qualities, I didn't want to be in a relationship. She was also attracted to me as well so she wanted ...
A. 17 July 2014: this sounds so wrong on so many levels that have to go for the break-up option. Too much drama or one brain to deal with. A good relationship is very subtle and "drama-less in my mind... (read in full...)
How do I regain some control?
Q. Were now a year in to our relationship At first i couldnt believe how amazing he was. Ive definitely never loved anyone like i love him and hes like my best friend but the past 6 weeks hes been really distant and is cancelling plans. Ive always been ...
A. 17 July 2014: Why should you want to control him?... (read in full...)
Meeting my LDR boyfriend's family for the first time. Does this mean that he's thinking long term with me, or conceptualizing marriage?
Q. Hi Dear Cupiders, I've been involved in a long distance relationship (LDR) with my boyfriend of 10 months. I'm African American and he's Nigerian. We're both committed and love each other dearly. After the multiple visits to and from NYC and Atl...
A. 16 July 2014: It might just mean he thinks you're pretty special and he'd like to "show you off" to the family. Why not ask? If you're afraid of the answer, don't ask the question is my motto.It could also just mean he's hungry. Good Luck... (read in full...)
I just don't really know where I could ever find someone.
Q. I am sort of looking for ideas and advice on where I can find/meet a guy. I am 21 years old and I have never really had a boyfriend. I know a lot of people meet partners at college or school but I am not in college. I work full time in a reta...
A. 16 July 2014: Other than school,work or bars, there's always the church. Lots od single guys go to church regularly and with a common belief already established it's pretty easy to start up a conversation ,i.e, wow,what a sermon!" etc.Good Luck... (read in full...)
Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl?
Q. Why do "nice" guys complain that girls never want them when what the problem REALLY is, is that they keep going for the same type of girl? They're doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome. What I mean by the same type of ...
A. 16 July 2014: I know what you mean, I remember back when i was in high school..yes they had schools back then. Thr "jocks"(ball player atheletes) all dated the "eye candy" girls and the nerds like me felt left out. Things haven't changed that much and I guess it ... (read in full...)
Is my husband mentally abusing me?
Q. Ok I don't know where to start if am honest in 21 years old and have a 2 month old baby. I've been with my husband 3 years and married for one. I am occasionally told from family I need to leave him as I'm getting abused. I have lost all my ...
A. 15 July 2014: Mental abuse is way worse than physical abuse because the marks left are invisable to the rest of the world,only the abused knows what they are and how deep they are..Leave the bastard! It's the ONLY way to save yourself. Make a plan that only you ... (read in full...)
Is any man excited by an average looking female body after watching porn?
Q. I am concerned that my bfs constant access to a never ending stream of physically perfect women in porn to look at and masturbate to is causing him to get bored with my appearance. He simply doesn't seem excited by the sight of me anymore yet if h...
A. 15 July 2014: Physically perfect? Have you ever looked at porn? There are no physically perfect women in porn. They all have an issue someplace. Quit your worries,nobody is perfect!... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay? straight? or just curious?
Q. I'm questioning whether to believe my husband when he says he's not gay or bi after I confronted him about knowing he watched/chatted with a couple trannies this one time that I know of. There were also females he watched/chatted with as well. He ...
A. 15 July 2014: ranny pornis just plain wierd anyway so what's the deal? He's just like the rest of us, he's curious to see why anyone would make that transition. It's a huge leap to make so how much fun could it be?... (read in full...)
I have an irrational fear he will cheat on me!
Q. I've known my boyfriend for seven years, been in a relationship for one year. We have never had an argument and he is a total gentlemen. It feels as though we were made specifically for each other and, while I've never told him, I do hope he asks me ...
A. 15 July 2014: Try this; Look up the word irrational and you'll determine that if you were looking at it rationally..everything would be just fine and you could relax. Unless of course you just like torturing yourself, in which case you need proffessional help.... (read in full...)
I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating. Do I confront him?
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheated on me?For the last week or two ive been having over time and my boyfriend doesnt want me to really go to his baseball games as much anymore and when he gets off work earlier than me hes always out somewhere one day I ...
A. 15 July 2014: Younglady you are being played for a fool. Now's the time to regain your self respect! Get on with your life elsewhere!... (read in full...)
Am I too polite?
Q. I have been single for 4 years now and am getting worse with women. I am too polite and too gentleman like at times , and when meeting a girl I like I go really polite I can occasionally have a chat with one but never see a signal for me to ask th...
A. 15 July 2014: No such thing as to polite. Sounds likeyou're just temporarily socially inept. The world is a complicated and complex place full of false reads and mistakes that create frustration and confusion. No worries, it will all fall into place one day and ... (read in full...)
Are people more likely to speak their minds when they are drunk?
Q. So ive got the inevitable question. Are people (espeically guys who are kinda of shy but just in general as well) more likely to tell their true feelings, and speak their mind when they're drunk or after even drinks? Is it true what they say th...
A. 15 July 2014: Not in myexperience and believe me I've had a lot of experience in this subject. People do tend to feel more self-important when drunk though. The world's problems are easily solved by drunks. "Why what we ought to do is just kill all the ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay? straight? or just curious?
Q. I'm questioning whether to believe my husband when he says he's not gay or bi after I confronted him about knowing he watched/chatted with a couple trannies this one time that I know of. There were also females he watched/chatted with as well. He ...
A. 13 July 2014: If a women watches girl-on-girl porn or strap on porn is he curious or gay?... (read in full...)
Is any man excited by an average looking female body after watching porn?
Q. I am concerned that my bfs constant access to a never ending stream of physically perfect women in porn to look at and masturbate to is causing him to get bored with my appearance. He simply doesn't seem excited by the sight of me anymore yet if h...
A. 11 July 2014: "Physically perfect"? you obviously don't view much porn. It's not what they look like..It's what they do that turns men on. They could look like alien creatures for all that matters. Don't try to compair yourself. The guys in porn aren't "all ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay? straight? or just curious?
Q. I'm questioning whether to believe my husband when he says he's not gay or bi after I confronted him about knowing he watched/chatted with a couple trannies this one time that I know of. There were also females he watched/chatted with as well. He ...
A. 11 July 2014: He's no more gay than before taking a peek at the other side. Haven't yo ever wondered what the "other folks" do for pleasure?... (read in full...)
Is any man excited by an average looking female body after watching porn?
Q. I am concerned that my bfs constant access to a never ending stream of physically perfect women in porn to look at and masturbate to is causing him to get bored with my appearance. He simply doesn't seem excited by the sight of me anymore yet if h...
A. 9 July 2014: chigirl has it right!... (read in full...)
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