A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sort of looking for ideas and advice on where I can find/meet a guy. I am 21 years old and I have never really had a boyfriend. I know a lot of people meet partners at college or school but I am not in college. I work full time in a retail store and it's not exactly a place where I would ever meet a guy. I'm not really the partying type so I don't go out to clubs or bars. I've been thinking about online dating sites, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea as those can be sketchy. I just don't really know where I could ever find someone. I don't want to be desperate, but I would like to have a relationship somewhat soon. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): There are loads of places you can go to make friends without going to clubs and bars.
I know that you've said you're looking for a relationship rather than just friends but increasing you circle of friends also helps when you're looking for a partner. You make new friends, you meet their friends etc etc and amongst them might be future partner. So go out with the aim of meeting lots of new people and not just one particular one.
You can meet new people through hobby groups, doing evening courses/classes, joining a volunteer group, joining a sports team or attending church.
Choose classes/groups that have a strong focus on teamwork rather than ones which rely on working alone so you get the opportunity to talk to people. Things like art classes, yoga classes or gym work outs are all good hobbies but it's all too easy to just "do your own thing" and then go home without having spoken to the other participants. Drama clubs, volunteer work or sports teams mean that you have to interact with lots of other people.
If you feel that you already have plenty of friends and want to meet men specifically, then choose classes/groups that appeal to the male sex but that you won't completely stick out like a sore thumb as a woman. You'd probaly find that flower arranging and knitting circles are a bit female heavy so choose something like sailing or mountaineering or karate.
So here are some ideas with pros and cons
Church (or other place of worship if you are not christian) - great because its FREE but not great if you're an athiest.
Working out at the gym - great because it's good for you and boosts self confidence. Not great because it can be difficult to strike up a conversation with somebody while you or they are all sweaty and out of breath.
Yoga classes - again, they're good for you but it tends to be a solo activity and the groups female dominated
Sports team - great for getting you interacting with others but it can be hard finding a mixed sex team with some sports. Not great if you hate sports or you feel that you're holding you team-mates back.
Mountaineering/sailing/sky-diving/surfing/white-water rafting - great for interacting with others and you'd get to meet lots of men but these hobbies aren't for the faint-hearted. Not just because they're a bit scary but they are expensive.
Hiking and walking clubs - great because they're much cheaper than those other extreme sports and you don't have to have any special training or equipment to start. Not so great if you live in an urban area and don't have a car (or good transport links) to get you to the meeting points. It's also not so great if you find it hard to chat to people as it's very easy for a shy person to walk along in silence and not interact with people (even though they may still enjoy the walk)
Drama clubs, choirs and other performing arts groups - great for meeting a wide range of people and having to work in team with them. If you're not a performer, these clubs also need people to help out with other tasks backstage such as marketing, artwork, costumes, set-building - the list is endless. Can't think of any drawbacks except that the costs of these clubs vary massively.
Art classes, pottery, flower arranging, cooking and baking classes, sewing and knitting circles - not so great for meeting the male sex and there's a lot of emphasis on solo work rather than group work. Great for widening your circle of female friends of all ages (and hopefully male friends too if the friends you make introduce you to their brother/cousin/son/nephew etc)
Photography classes, foreign language classes, advanced first aid - great for meeting lots of people and having to interact with them and great for learning a very useful skill. Not so great if you're short of money or if you find that work patterns prevent you from attending the classes/groups regularly as they would expect a certain level of commitment from the group and they can be expensive.
Book clubs can get you meeting lots of people and introduce you to lots of new books/writers but they're not so great if you have difficulty chatting in a group situation. A shy person could simply attend, sip their coffee whilst listening to what everybody has to say and then just go home.
Volunteer work also gets you interacting with a wide range of people on a worthwhile project and you can often choose to give as much or as little time as you like (although many volunteer projects will stipulate that you have to do a certain amount of hours per week/month) and it's FREE (although you may have to meet your own expenses such as transport or meals).
Um... I can't think of anything else but I'm sure there are lots.
And there's no reason why you can't do some internet dating AS WELL if you decide to at a later time. I've tried internet dating and I didn't find it as shady and sketchy as people often describe. Sure, I met a few guys who I didn't really like but nobody really weird or dodgy. I stopped because I found it easier and more pleasant to meet people the more conventional way.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 July 2014):
 "looking for ideas and advice on where I can find/meet a guy."
It's been a while since I've answered a question like this but the answers are still the same.
Hobbies, Clubs, and service groups.
This way you meet people who are interested in what you are interested in. You meet guys who aren't "on the prowl". Best thing is you tend to find people who are less self centered. Not all but most.
FA
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 Other than school,work or bars, there's always the church. Lots od single guys go to church regularly and with a common belief already established it's pretty easy to start up a conversation ,i.e, wow,what a sermon!" etc.Good Luck
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