A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help my partner has told me he would participate in a threesome with me and another man if I ever wanted that . I told him that I would never ask for that and the fantasy is one thing but in real life a threesome is not something I'm interested in He then asked if I would do the same for him with another woman and I said no . He replied that he would never ask me anyway as he doesn't want that but got upset that I wouldn't at least do it to make him happy I can't help but feel that he really does want that and tried to manipulate me into agreeing to it . I'm so hurt because I've made it very clear that I want a monogamous relationship and am not interested in threesomes or sharing .Am I'm overreacting
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 What a jerk. He caught himself in his own lie and tried emotional manipulation on you to try and soften you up for the idea of a threesome with another woman.
You said this:
"He replied that he would never ask me anyway as he doesn't want that but got upset that I wouldn't at least do it to make him happy"
If he would "never ask", then why would he get upset? Your partner needs to be kicked to the curb if he thinks for one second that your job is to "make HIM happy". His getting upset that you aren't interested in bringing other people sexually into your relationship with him is an insult to you.
You also saw through the BS of "If you wanted another man in a threesome, I'd do it" because that was only a grooming statement to worm his "Two women" thing into the mix. That guy's bad news, and if he has the gall to turn that whole thing around on you and get upset at you, then he'll think NOTHING of outright cheating on you and blaming you for it, whether it's some spat or a manufactured offense that makes him somehow come out the "good" guy and you the partner that "failed" him in some way.
I wouldn't drop a guy who asked me about threesomes as long as he respected how I feel about it and it was in the context of exploring fantasies. However, what he did in getting upset that it's your duty to give that to him to "make him happy" would be THE deal breaker for me. His manipulation exposed a huge red flag in your relationship.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 Good for you. Stick to your values, he apparently has none. A marraige is built for two not three, otherwise the best man would have honeymooned with you guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): No you're not overreacting at all. You have every right to want a monogamous relationship. Alternative lifestyles aren't for everyone. He's full of bullsh*t when he tried to turn it around on you. Angry you wouldn't do it for him, because he would do it for you? Seriously?!! Are you sure he isn't bisexual as well?
Madam, you've got yourself a swinger. If you want a monogamous relationship? You had better decide if his request is a deal-breaker. I'm reasonably sure his suggestion of a threesome will arise again; or he will decide to take matters into his own hands. He has clearly established that he is not monogamous.
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