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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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She's using me as an excuse while she cheats again!
Q. Just looking for a bit of advice please. It's it a relationship problem as such. I have been friends with a girl for about 6 years now. Quite close. About 2 years ago I distanced myself and didn't speak to her because she was messing about behind ...
A. 10 September 2014: You have to stop tryig to maintain her as an old friend orwhatever you think sh is. It is obvious that you are no friend of hers. There are some relatonships in life that are just plain toxic and this sounds lke one of them. Not only do you need to ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and alone, an Army wife stressed by my mother-in-law's comments on Facebook!
Q. I dated my husband for 6 years and we just got married before he joined the Army. I'm 35 weeks so far and it's been very stressful and a lonely experience for me, I'm living alone in our old apartment and his parents are not far from me. The only ...
A. 9 September 2014: You both hve a lot in common with a member of the military.She's probably as stressed as you are and as a result not rational in here "posts". Yet another good reason to stay off FB.Have you tried being close with her? You two have so much in ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my parents that he and I are just friends and I should be allowed to go to Hawaii with him?
Q. This friend invited me to go to Hawaii with him over the summer. I think it will be great, but my parents have always had a sneaking suspicion that we're more than just friends. We're definitely not, but they're very conservative and even the fact ...
A. 9 September 2014: Respect your parents, they will only do what is right for you. Yeah Hawaii is cool and all that but think about it, If you had a daughter would you want her going to Hawaii with some guy that you feel great about anywy?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend choked me in an argument and I'm extremely disturbed. What do I do?
Q. I got into a silly tussle/fight with my fiancé a few months ago. She had been moody and snappy with me and her parents all day. At the end of the night I got fed up with her horrible attitude and said I was leaving for the night. As I s...
A. 9 September 2014: Now try not to rationalize this assualt by saying you might have been artly to blam because of some real or imagined brain imbalance. You need to get away from this person unless you want to have her kill you.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's mum smokes cannabis and drinks daily and her family life is affecting our relationship.
Q. Dear reader, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years. She is 19, I am 22 and I am finding it hard to cope with her family. When I met her my gf did not want me to visit her house or family. This was due to her mum smoking cannabis ...
A. 9 September 2014: I'd call child protective services and leave an anon message. ... (read in full...)
I enjoy sex but hate to think I have a bad reputation
Q. I am a single 22 year old woman and enjoy sex. I have had sex with a total of ten guys since i was 17 and can go a few months without any sexual interaction. Yet i am worried i come across slutty when i do go home with someone. I am always safe but ...
A. 9 September 2014: You kow what, "reputation' is a word for what others think...What you think of yurself is all thats really important. You saidyou feel a little slutty. Ifthat makes you feel bad about yourself then alter your behavor, otherise scw the world(pun ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my partner about guys hitting on me?
Q. A guy from one of my college classes walked me to my car the other day (10 mins out of his way). He asked if I was single, I said no, he suggested he was interested. I took it as a compliment. Since then I helped him out with a class he missed, sent ...
A. 9 September 2014: I wouldn't be so inclined to say were even "hit on" Sounds like an innocent act of kindness. why start a war over a trivial matter? Good Luck... (read in full...)
Should my uncle have a talk with my boyfriend?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I am posting my question and asking for your advice. I've been with this guy for almost a year now and although we had ups and downs I never felt like posting for advice. This time my instinct tells me things are different. ...
A. 9 September 2014: If your uncle has a brain he'll stay out of your business. If and your boyfrend give it any thought, you might want to break up before someone gets hurt.... (read in full...)
We've been chatting but now that I'm coming to her city she seems flaky or scared about it!
Q. Hi guys. I met a girl couple of months ago on her last day in my city. That evenung and thereafter we kept in touch on facebook chat. We havr gotten to know each other eell now after many chats and aldo now i have called her once and talked on the p...
A. 9 September 2014: Or, maybe she regrets telling you whatever it was she told you that she's never told anyone. that subject may be taboo and she wishes she had never shared it. I guess it depends on what it was. Just meet up and ask her. Flakey? that's a bit harsh, ... (read in full...)
When we spend time in his country I'm basically an afterthought
Q. My husband and I have grown apart. When we are together traveling (which we do frequently) or even staying in my country we get along great. We spend time together and have dates, watch movies, exercise together, make love and generally get along ...
A. 8 September 2014: Be strong and don't let cultural moras split up a good thing.... (read in full...)
My friends suddenly hate my best friend, do I tell him?
Q. My best friend and I have gotten pretty close since we met last year, and we run in the same circles so we have all of the same mutual friends. Recently, some of our closest friends have decided they don't want to spend time with him anymore, and ...
A. 8 September 2014: Friends don't put friends in aposition like this. Your friends may need to be redefined. I'd suspect you have a choice to make. It's not going to be easy but you might just want to tell your 'friends' where to go. Stay strong and be true to ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that I am second best and that given the choice it appears he would prefer me to look differently?
Q. I know that other people have asked similar questions but I'm wanting some ideas on how to deal best with my insecurities around my boyfriends porn. All the women he looks at in potn look completely different to me . Like I mean there is no woman ...
A. 8 September 2014: Second best? not in this world. You can't let this get to you. He's just being a guy, it has nothing to do with you.No worries, there's a world full of women thinking that porn is all about them. It's not, it's about male fantasy. Guys have ... (read in full...)
What Am I doing wrong?
Q. do you sometimes feel the entire world is against you? and nothing you do is good? Well yesterday i felt that way. First my on again off again boyfriend - we are in a long distance relationship for more than 11 years, YES long distance relationship ...
A. 8 September 2014: First, Why do you assume you are at fault? It sounds like this dude is an a-hole. and has respect for one thing and one thing only..himself. And 2. Why assume you have to fix it? Like the guy on TV said ..."you can't fix stupid!
'... (read in full...)
I asked him not to see his ex but he did
Q. A few weeks back my boyfriend of over a year told me he was going to see his ex girlfriend because her sister was unwell and she'd asked for support. Theyve been broken up approximately 2 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex had a bad break up. ...
A. 8 September 2014: It's entirely possible that he is mature enough to be able to handle this situation with no problems, However, it does appear that his ex can't 'get over' the breakup and istrying to find a way for them to reunite. I see fault in her actions but I ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but isn't doing what's necessary to get one
Q. My husband has never had a high sex drive, but when we first got together he would always be willing whenever I wanted to, and he always enjoyed it. Now I'm lucky if I can get him to have sex with me any time after 9pm and never just because we want ...
A. 8 September 2014: It sounds like ther is a possibility that 'pressure to perform' may be part of the problem in addition to the financial presures ya'll are in.You might think about adoption as an alternative to 'masking a baby'. There are so many hundreds of babies ... (read in full...)
Turning 21 Soon And Never Had A Boyfriend
Q. I'm 20, turning 21 very soon, I've never had a boyfriend and it's really depressing me. Any advice would be useful. I'm reasonably physically attractive, take care of my appearance, and have had my fair share of genuine offers from guys to go ...
A. 8 September 2014: Being single is nothing to be depressed about. having a boyfriend is highly over-rated. I was one once or twice so I should know. Life is all about being prepared for the worse case but hoping for the best. No worries you will have nore than your ... (read in full...)
How can I start being nice to my mum?
Q. Ever since I've become a teenager, I've become a bit rude and bitchy towards my mum. I don't mean to do it, but she really, really irritates me. She tells me to do one thing then when I'm trying she gets pissed and shouts at me to do another thing...
A. 8 September 2014: My biggest regret in life was not being nice to my mother. It eats at you from now until you die. And, you only get one life and one mother so why hurt her. Karma will get back at you with guilt and regret so change while you can. Parents want one ... (read in full...)
Will he ever regret it?
Q. So I want to start off telling my story, starting 5 years ago. I met this man, and I instantly knew I was in love with him. crazy, but true. we started spending every day together, with friends, and by ourselves. time went on, and he started using ...
A. 8 September 2014: He probably is actually sorry for hurting you but drugs rule his life now not logic,ergo he's never goingo be the ame person you thought you had.Good Luck... (read in full...)
Should I Be Annoyed With My Boyfriends Mum?
Q. I am a bit annoyed with my boyfriends mum. My boyfriends brother had a kid some months ago and his mum has that kids photo on her phone as a wallpaper instead of mine. I had my baby but she has not changed the photo from being of that other kid. ...
A. 8 September 2014: Number 1. It's her phone,who cares what pic is on it/ and B. does this make you any less of a person because his mother has a cute baby pic on her phone? It means NOTHING!... (read in full...)
Does she just want me for sex?
Q. Hey guys, I'll give you guys a brief background. I'm an emotionally needy person. I have been since my ex girlfriend of two years cheated on me. I became depressed, and still am really. I feel so emasculated. Anyways, I was on tinder and I...
A. 8 September 2014: I feel safe in saying she is not just in it for sex, There are ulterior motives.... (read in full...)
I feel totally invisible, old and worthless in my husband's eyes
Q. I would like to ask others how often it is normal for a husband to notice a wife appearance when she dresses nicely to go out or pay a compliment in a marriage. We have been married 15 years and I never remember my husband really doing this . I ...
A. 8 September 2014: Yes it is normal to feel the way you do,sad,but normal. We men do tend to become comfortable with our partners of oh so many years. we seem to be the last to appreciate how unloved it makes our partner feel when we admire or look at another woman, ... (read in full...)
Why is it easier texting than talking face to face?
Q. why is it easier texting and communicating via social media/email etc than talking face to face with some people? could be anyone someone you have recently met, or someone you already know. things are awkward face to face, or their maybe sile...
A. 8 September 2014: Eye to eye(or even voice to voice) communication requires an itensity of the human spirit and a more realistic expectaton of truth than texting. With text communication one may take time to compose thoughts and bend the words to reflect seemingl... (read in full...)
Uncles, after a certain age do you find it impossible to engage with anyone new emotionally? Did you feel like that but then fell in love?
Q. Imagine the situation. You're a man in your late 40s, you left a pretty grim, loveless marriage a couple of years ago and are now living on your own. You like the feeling of freedom, but are sexually frustrated - you think to yourself "All I need is ...
A. 7 September 2014: Wll, I'm much older than you but I don't think I could devote myself to another again, It's like I gave all that away years ago I got no more to give. So, I supose it's possible to become 'worn out' emotionally but then i see other men recommiting ... (read in full...)
Run or fight?
Q. Well I have sure landed myself in a situation. It all started about 7 months ago. A male friend of mine had a girl friend that I was instantly attracted to. It was clear she had feelings for me as well, even though she is straight. When w...
A. 7 September 2014: Since this will never work out for the best. You should take the high ground and run for it!... (read in full...)
It seems clear that my husband wants something I can't give him and nothing will change
Q. My husband of 15 years and I are currently seperated . A large part of the reason for the separation was his lusting after other women and porn use. He never complimented me . I felt undesirable and very unhappy. We even went through counselling ...
A. 7 September 2014: I could very easily be the perfect MC pig and take your hubby's side but No, in this case I think you should have your way and leave for good. After all if it's impossible for you to perform and/or understand his lust, then you should be alone. he ... (read in full...)
Please help me to cope with my loss
Q. Grief... it's the most overwhelmingly horrible thing. I just found out that my favourite cousin was killed recently. It happened two weeks ago and, even though I just found out this morning, the details are a blur. It's hard for me to get this a...
A. 7 September 2014: You are right; grief stinks and it lasts a long time. You obviously are not a Christian, and that's too bad.There's a lot of comfort offered in the Christian belief for these situations. Anyway be that as it may. Try thinking about how he'd want ... (read in full...)
I've done everything to be romantic, so what's the problem?
Q. I am 53 my fiance is 38 we used to make love everyday and most days 5 to 6 and as many a 10 times we used to have oral at least 2 times a week and I would love to be oral with her every time her had to have a his to hysterectomy and a back injury 3 ...
A. 7 September 2014: Aunty bimbim is right, you are concentrating on your sex life... In timyou'll relize that was all for nothing. Her sex drive is not and never will what you expect it to be. Women fail to be excited about sex. Their hormones don't work like a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's roommate is coming between us!
Q. My boyfriends roommate is coming between us! His roommate is nothing but a mooch. He eats my boyfriends food, takes his laundry supplies, doesn't help pay for heating in the winter time, and is the rudest human being I've ever met. Last winter his ...
A. 7 September 2014: Give bf a choice; him or me.... (read in full...)
I do not want to send him the pictures he asks for. Why should I send these pictures?
Q. im dating tanzanian man since like 7 months ago we chatting every day online. he is calling me on viber...he sent me pictures of his private parts,and he said he wants pictures of my private parts. i said yes to him but i do not want to send suc...
A. 6 September 2014: DO NOT comply with his request...I repeat, NO! never send anything like that over 'the net' unless you want the entire world to have access to them. And, why on earth would you be "chatting" with some guy you'ver never met from another country?... (read in full...)
Why do guys seem to act weird around me?
Q. Okay so there is a guy at my class that has been acting weird. I think he likes mme because I noticed some signs. Well he always glance at me and we once hold the gaze for five seconds. Then he looked away awkwardly. He sits in front of me in my ...
A. 6 September 2014: This is not unusual, At your age group(18-20) guys are all going to 'look you over" It's not a danger zone thing. They're just looking to see if they are attracted to you or better yet to see if you're attracted to them. It's quite norm... (read in full...)
He's hot one day and cold the next. Is this FWB going stale or does he want it to become more than FWB?
Q. I was wondering if anyone could give me an outside perspective of my puzzling situation. I'm 24yrs old and have what I assume to be a friends with benefits with a guy 16yrs my senior. We started hanging out 2months ago. we clicked instantly ...
A. 6 September 2014: Oh,oh...doesn't sound like he's gonna make permanent plans for you. Sorry to say this but FWBs are 'newspeak' for booty call. He gets all the benifits, you get all the heartach.... (read in full...)
He's popular and I'm not. Are my friends right when they say he'll never like me?
Q. I've liked this boy in my year who i've really liked since year 7. I'm now in year 9. I'm not sure if he likes me. Everyone says he's cocky, but he's always nice to me. He holds the door open, helps me out a lot and he always stares at me. The thing ...
A. 6 September 2014: crushes come and go you'll have them all your life.... (read in full...)
Guys, what would you prefer?
Q. In general, do men prefer a gorgeous woman (say 8/10) who isn't very good at, or interested in, sex? Or do they prefer a more average looking girl (say 6.5/10) who is more sexual? ...
A. 6 September 2014: Well, after some thought, I'd prefe the former because the later will eventually lose interest(most females do-in myexperience) so why not have a beauty to gaze at and fantasize about than some sex kitten that will quicly burn out... (read in full...)
Money and promotion, or job satisfaction?
Q. Quick question.. When it comes to work, would you rather choose a job you adore and could see yourself doing forever, but has little chance of promotion and low pay OR a job you tolerate, but the chances of promotion are high, and the pay i...
A. 6 September 2014: 'They' say if you find something you enjoy doing, you'll never work a day in your life. Right! try buying a house or a car on that silly saying. Practically speaking, money will take you places your poverty won't. You can be happy with or without ... (read in full...)
Is a 20-Year-Old Girl Too Young For a 35-Year-Old Guy?
Q. I'm 20, going on 21 very soon, and I've recently met a 35-year-old guy whom I really fancy through a friend at work (I have a full-time career as I never went to university). He definitely isn't my usual "type," and we have some quite significant ...
A. 6 September 2014: It's very very difficult to juggle two life experiences at the same time, I'm reminisant of the time I really felt old(not that I'm young) nut I mentioned the character Fonzy and the young lady I was talking to had NO idea what I was talking about. ... (read in full...)
Could he really be in love with both of us?
Q. I had to meet my ex recently (broke up couple months ago - he fell in love with someone else at work). He had something of mine that I needed back. Think I was ready to meet him and glad I did, we chatted for about an hour and he left. During our ...
A. 6 September 2014: It's byond my limited brain to understand how any man can love two or more women at the same time. You only have one heart to give..so proceed with caution...the gutting feeling could return.Malama Pono... (read in full...)
I appreciate my boyfriend's efforts at trying to prove that he's now faithful but this is not what I meant by 'prove yourself'!
Q. Hi everyone! Ive always got great advice from here so I thought I would ask again! Me and my boyfriend have been together for just under 5 years. Over the summer I found out he was having an affair of 5 weeks with another women. He had ended...
A. 5 September 2014: He sounds lost in a deep 'guilt-depression state' who knows? he may choose to pout for a very long time. Why don't you just break it off and find a new guy? He's proved you're not the only 'love of his life' If I were you ,I'd move on and the the ... (read in full...)
It seems clear that my husband wants something I can't give him and nothing will change
Q. My husband of 15 years and I are currently seperated . A large part of the reason for the separation was his lusting after other women and porn use. He never complimented me . I felt undesirable and very unhappy. We even went through counselling ...
A. 5 September 2014: i didn't read the part where the definition of 'what' he wants tat you can't or won't) give him was explained. ... (read in full...)
How can I change myself to not care? And should I change ?
Q. Sorry for this boring question. First of all I'm not looking for sympathy, I just am tired of being emotional. I know people will say it's because I'm going through puberty or something but it is nothing to do with that at all. Basically I am tired ...
A. 5 September 2014: There are Two Rules in Life; 1. Never ever sweat the small stuff, and 2. It's all small stuff! See there all beter now?... (read in full...)
He didn't reply to my messages -- should I leave it?
Q. Hi. On Sunday I was talking to a guy on Grindr, we were really getting on well, albeit for the short time we were talking, and he definitely my type, and its nice to speak to a guy my own age on there. After a while he went offline, and stayed that ...
A. 5 September 2014: And yet another great reason for face-to-face encounters rather than electronic gamesmanship. he probably won't e-answer so move along to the next gathering of words on computer... (read in full...)
Should I Start To Pay?
Q. Hi I am married and my husband is not so rich. He works really hard to provide for me and and our child. Money is a hardship for him. However I have 30,000 pounds in savings. I haven't mentioned it to my husband as this was before we got mar...
A. 5 September 2014: In my world what is mine is hers too, ergo, what is hers is mine.marrage is (to me anyway) two souls becoming one. However if it's 'yours' you can make a bonfire with it if that helps keep you warm. goodness sakes what has become of this world?... (read in full...)
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