A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am getting married in June and I don't trust my partner in the staying faithful side. He is my soul mate i trust him in every other way 110% except to stay faithful to me. I married before 4 years ago and the guy was a complete idiot he did not love me and spent so much time away from home i did not know him hardly we had such separate lives. I wanted to call off the wedding but I didn't thinking it would be fine and we split 40 days after the wedding. The divorce was nasty and I had councilling for 6 months after. Then soon after the split with my ex husband i met my now fiance. We have been together 3 years but for the first 18months he was in the navy. He came out 18months ago and whilst he was away in the navy I found hundreds of flirtatious messages to girls. And he had been emailing his ex though he never physically cheated. I planned to leave him though he was so distraught he vowed never to be so stupid and deleted everything gave me his logins and passwords for everything. 18months later we now bought our first house together 6 months ago which we have unexpectedly had to start renting because we are moving to a new country in two weeks due to his work promotion where neither of us can speak the language. And we just got engaged and booked our wedding. Though now everytime he goes away on work which is only 1 or 2 nights at a most I stop sleeping just thinking he will be unfaithful even though I can login on all his accounts. It scares me i do not want to go through another version of my first marriage. But I really love my fiancé I just feel paranoid over this one situation even though when i tell him he fully supports me and tells me over and over he would never be so stupid and wants to be my husband and have children. How can I move on and trust him over this? I feel it is me with issues with everything that has happened in my past.
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divorce, engaged, fiance, flirt, his ex, move on, my ex, navy, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): You seem to be justifying his actions. Why are you marrying someone you don't trust? What is the rush to get married? You are moving overseas and giving up your support networks and your home all for him. He has a lot of power over you. You could let him move with his job and wait to see how you feel.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 Itis ry understandable thatyou need an extra ose of reasurance asto faithfull. Hopeful, your new husband knows the history, he will be a man and stay faithfull while giving yo thoughtfull reassurances. In the meantime your best bet is to "trust yet verify" Best of luck. remember the last idiot in your life doesn't represent All men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): You are barely 25 and are onto your second marriage? ! You need to calm down and stop making the same mistakes. Do not make those vows again if you don't trust him. Wait until you are sure. You were lucky there were no other casualties on the last divorce. What if you have kids with him now and your distrust turns out to be valid and you break up with him.
No marriage until you have a solid foundation
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