A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Hi Dear Cupiders, I've been involved in a long distance relationship (LDR) with my boyfriend of 10 months. I'm African American and he's Nigerian. We're both committed and love each other dearly. After the multiple visits to and from NYC and Atlanta, I'd have to say its been worthwhile. He's a great support system (not just emotionally but financially) and we've relied on each other to get through the hard times. I can't stress enough that its made us stronger as a couple. As the relationship grows more serious, there's been talk of having me meet his family. He comes from a very large, unified, traditional family where he's the youngest of seven children. His parents are settled in Nigeria and his mother who visits more often to see her children, will be in town when I plan my next visit to NYC in Sept. My boyfriend is planning a get-together with his family and myself over dinner at a nice restaurant, and I'd have to say that I'm a bit nervous. I've never met the family of a guy I've dated and with his family being so traditional, I'm not sure what to expect. I'm also thinking about what this means for our relationship going forward in his culture? He mentioned awhile back that no woman of his had ever met his mother, and in his culture, that bringing a woman home means that marriage is on the horizon. So does this mean that he's thinking long term with me, or conceptualizing marriage?
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female
reader, klapure4 +, writes (18 July 2014):
klapure4 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello there!This is "Missy" responding to the anonymous poster. I appreciate you relaying the advice on the subject of what this all means. I wanted to expand a bit more so that all is understood about why I chose to post this particular question. I welcome all viewpoints from not just women, but men too! I think its something worth discussing and although some might think its simple, it varies from person to person. Not every situation is cut and dry. In a nutshell though, my boyfriend and I are great in the communication department. We both feel comfortable coming to each other in times of need, concern, or casual talk like this one. I did ask him in the past and he said that he'll wait to introduce his girlfriend to his mother/family until it grows more serious. In his culture, it usually indicates that he's looking long term or in the direction of marriage. I brought this up again and he said that he just felt it was convenient for me to meet his entire family over dinner since his mom will be in town in mid-Sept. I left it alone, but then I began to wonder, is he/is he not thinking long term but rather short term? I guess its hard to figure out the male psyche when my boyfriend says these things. I'd love to know what his intentions are as it pertains to this subject. Thank you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): Hi Communication Is Key,
Missy here again.
I think you're absolutely right- wise words for the OP to heed. Asking your partner is always going to get better results than asking strangers on a forum. I'm the first to admit though, it can be tough to broach some topics with your partner. Personality types come in to play; some folk are better at raising issues than others. But yes, first port of call if you have a question about your man's intentions should be the man himself. :)
Missy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Hi Missy,I'm the anonymous poster who posted this 'The best person to ask is your boyfriend OP. He's your confidante. Don't be afraid to ask when you don't understand.All we can do is speculate.'Being African myself, and knowing the 'African culture' very well I am inclined to agree with you that him introducing you to his mother means he is serious.However, I didn't give the OP that advice because well, at the heart of any thriving relationship is COMMUNICATION.If the OP cannot ask their signficant other what their intentions are and what this meeting with the parents means; what does that say about the level of communication and the level of trust?OP, you are committed to each other and you love each other dearly but I can't stress enough the importance of communication. My fiance is european and we have had many cultural differences. When either of us doesn't understand or is curious about something we ask each other. Speculating and asking people on forums whether your boyfriend is thinking of marriage is quite frankly not the best way to look after your relationship. HE is your first port of call regarding your relationship. He is your BEST FRIEND and potentially your PARTNER for life. You are clearly entertaining the idea of marriage. Well marriage requires two people who work as a team and are not afraid to open up to each other. The foundation of all that is COMMUNICATION and TRUST. These are not qualities that just kick in at some point in the future. You start building these qualities now. The first step is to ASK and TALK about it.It's not a confrontation, it's not pressure. It is you trying to understand what this means for him, for you, for his mother, for your relationship. Good luck, and all the best.Remember don't be scared to open up.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 It might just mean he thinks you're pretty special and he'd like to "show you off" to the family. Why not ask? If you're afraid of the answer, don't ask the question is my motto.It could also just mean he's hungry. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 July 2014):
 It might mean that. It might mean that he's just taking advantage of his mom being more local so you can meet her and since he lives in the USA now he's becoming more Americanized.
Ask him... "so honey what does my meeting your mom MEAN for us as a couple?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Hi Lapure4,Read any relationship advice column about deciphering men, and the common theme is always that men tend to call it like it is. When men like you, they tell you. If they're not interested, they won't call. I think you can take this reasoning and extrapolate it- he tells you that in his culture bringing a woman home means marriage is on the horizon, well I think it's safe to say he's bringing you home because he thinks exactly that. Marriage is on the horizon. :)Congratulations.I am in a similar situation. My partner is Malawian, I am Australian. We met on the street in the city where I live, I still remember the moment I first saw him. We've been together ever since. He recently returned to Malawi however in another 46 days I'll be there too and he's taking me to meet his family. I'd love to hear how your meeting goes! Keep us updated.Missy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): The best person to ask is your boyfriend OP. He's your confidante. Don't be afraid to ask when you don't understand.
All we can do is speculate.
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