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*urplekathleenrose
writes:How can I get my husband of 73 to wash everyday? He gets upset when I pull away from him as even a kiss makes me feel sick...he never brushes his teeth, I change pillow cases every day as they are smelly and greasy! We have single beds now...I have remarked on this many times but he just ignores it...blames me for being cold! Reply to this Question
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reader, mystiquek  +, writes (26 July 2014):
 This happened to my father in the last six months of his life. He got to where he didn't want to bathe, use deodorant, change his clothes and would even sometimes go to the bathroom in his pants. I live 2000 miles away and kept strongly encouraging my mom and sister to have it checked out..it just wasn't normal for him! The doctors kept saying maybe he was having signs of Alzheimer's...but sadly too late they discovered that he had a blood clot on the brain (yes it killed him). I can't urge you strongly enough to have your husband checked out medically..make sure everything is ok. If it is, then sit him down and talk to him (don't harp) and explain the problem and encourage him in all ways how nice it is when he smells sweet and fresh. I hope honestly that it turns out hes just a little lazy and not because of a medical problem!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Did he used to wash every day? Does he have health issues?? Have you been direct with him as in "You smell like you are wearing urine cologne" or have you been dropping subtle hints?
When my father got sick with Leukemia, he went from being immaculately clean and well-groomed to struggling to keep up with hygiene, mainly as a result of fatigue and the effects of chemo. My mom got him a medical chair for the shower and another for the bathroom mirror, and it helped a lot for him to clean himself up and shave and put on deodorant and brush his teeth and stuff.
Keep being direct. Start getting more direct and telling him you're sick of changing his pillow cases, that you can't kiss a sewer mouth, and that you'll get him chairs to wash while sitting on, but it needs to be done. If he used to wash, but he doesn't now, tell him you'll take him to see the doctor if he doesn't continue.
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Cummon just dump the old geezer already!!
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female
reader, AuntyAunt +, writes (25 July 2014):
 It's such a shame that this has driven such a large wedge between you both! I completely sympathise though, it can't be pleasant. Honesty is the best policy, sit him down and explain how you're feeling about his lack of personal hygiene. Does he have a favourite cologne? Or shower cream? Buy his favourites! Buy anything that will encourage him to shower. Even cool gadgets that will make showers less.. Boring? There are gadgets such as shower radios etc that you can get reasonably priced. You'd know him better than I would.. Think of what he likes! You could also book time away for the two of you, or even just arrange to have dinner out with family or friends? Preferably something social so he feels that pressure to spruce up a little. Then compliment him on how great he looks/smells!On the rare occasion he does shower, make a big deal afterwards about how great he smells.. Compliment him! This is the time to be affectionate and make him feel great about himself, he'll eventually realise it's worth the effort when his lovely wife starts swooning over him again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): Could you divorce him? I know it's drastic but, unless you're going to stick to the "no kissing" rules unless he bathes and cleans his teeth, divorce might be your only option. You don't deserve to go through this. How long has it been like this?
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female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (25 July 2014):
Have you talked with his doctor? A sudden deterioration in personal hygiene has been linked to a number of degenerative mental conditions, including Parkinson's and Alzheimer's
http://www.seniorhealth365.com/2012/05/31/poor-personal-hygiene-in-the-elderly/
I am not medical, and obviously don't know the whole story, but it might be advisable to get him to see his GP to at least have him in for some tests? Or has he become physically unable to care for himself, ie stroke or accident?
Either way, until you know the cause you might be best off helping with his cares so he doesn't smell quite so bad.
Best of luck
MK xxx
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 OMG! I'm 70 and and cannot imagine going one day without a long hot shower in the morning. I can't stand someone eles' BO much less my own. I'd gue that he must be suffering from something deep an dark that needs extra therapy like (phsycological) it's like horders[can't understand them either] they've got something wrongin the heard. Get help for him soon. Good Luck
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