A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for 4 years now and am getting worse with women.I am too polite and too gentleman like at times , and when meeting a girl I like I go really polite I can occasionally have a chat with one but never see a signal for me to ask them out or I haven't the bottle to.Its getting to the stage where I am giving up and will give up talking to ones I fancy because I am not man enough or what ever.put it this way 3 years ago was in a club having a dance with a girl , she started grinding down towards me back her butt towards me, you know what I do ..turn around and give her a bump , I mean what bloke does that lol I think she even asked if I was gay.But when I was younger I was happy-ish with who I am , but now I am annoyed at myself thinking I should act more like a normal guy .also I don't want to just sleep with any girl I want a girl I actually like so don't know what to do because at this rate it will be another 4 years before I know it .thanks again Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the advice , I guess a lot does deal down to not having the balls to do it ! And I guess the only to get past it is to ask them out lol
I don't feel all bad boys get girls . I simply its down to confidence on that one. But yeah thanks guys for the advice just doing my head in now.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Yeah, manners is not the issue here, but fear and possibly WHERE you're trying to meet women.
Nightclubs are notorious meat markets and people often drink too much so even if you managed to create a rapport with one woman you don't know how she'll feel the next day when she sobers up.
The other things is don't make 'finding a woman' your mission in life. It reeks of desperation and people pick up on that very quickly.
Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house, enroll in a class, sign up for volunteer work, but do so with the intent of bettering yourself and having fun. If you meet a woman there, consider it a bonus and the beauty is you'll already know of at least one shared interest. And please don't view each woman as 'the one'. If it doesn't pan out, don't sweat it. You'll be wiser for the experience and you'll have some fond memories to savour.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Being polite, having manners is NOT your problem. Your problem is you don't GO for what you want, because you don't want to be turned down. It's easier to "presume" that GIRLS are the ones not sending you clear enough signals.
The assumption that EVERY girl wants to date assholes and "bad boys" and THAT is why a decent fella can't get a date is ridiculous. YOU aren't getting dates because you DO not take the chance/risk of asking a girl out.
And if you don't know what to do when a girl grinds on you, smile and wink - no need to grind back.
Get out there. MET new people (and I don't just mean at clubs, but in general) TALK to girls, and if you meet someone you would LIKE to get to know better ASK her out.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 No such thing as to polite. Sounds likeyou're just temporarily socially inept. The world is a complicated and complex place full of false reads and mistakes that create frustration and confusion. No worries, it will all fall into place one day and the fog will clear for you. Until then don't change your ways.Politeness never goes out of style.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Sounds like politeness is just an excuse. You're being a coward, that's the problem. What is impolite about asking a girl out? You can be polite and ask her out, just don't insult her that's all. Being asked out is a compliment. I don't see how politeness interferes.
You can also continue to be a gentleman. But you got to ask women out!!!
Don't want for the mysterious "sign". Just ask. Guy's don't get it when women give signs anyway, so just stop looking for the signs and go for it.
But in case you want to know, here are the signs: she holds eye contact with you and smiles. She leans towards you. She laughs.
If you read the "signs" wrong at least you'll know when you ask her out. If you don't ask, you'll never know.
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