A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had been seeing a man for 7 months - he is married. Whenever we were together it was amazing, just being around each other made me feel good and he described his feelings as being the same. Always told me "i love you"- in fact, he was the one who started saying it first after a few months of seeing each other. I could never get enough of being around him. His wife was pregnant- I didn't know this until the end of our relationship when he told me. He made so many promises to me- that we would have a baby in a few years and that we would have a life together, more than what we had. I thought I was pregnant, I told him and things changed- he didnt want his wife to know. I ended up calling her and telling her everything. She decided to stay with him- and he told me from that point on that if I were indeed pregnant to not contact him til the baby is born- then he would change his story and say that he would attend dr appts. He was always a liar- I had always caught him in lies. He basically told me we couldnt be civil because he didnt like how I went about telling her. He said he doesnt want to be bothered with me. He wants to focus on his family. He always wanted to be bothered with me the times before his wife knew. He would always be back and forth as to if he was leaving her- he would say he wasnt ready to leave her yet, as he couldnt afford to financially. He admitted to me that he didnt love her the same way- and now all of a sudden he throws me aside. She had the baby about two weeks ago- This is their first child. They are in their 30s and I am in my late 20s. I would have given him anything- I fell so in love. I'm dying inside because he doesnt attempt to contact me anymore. We went from 7 months of seeing each other or talking everyday to nothing at all. Should I contact him and tell him how I feel? I feel like he will not care- as he said he doesnt want to be bothered and he wants to focus on his family. Totally different story now than when we were together. He promised me so many things, I feel heartbroken. I don't know what to do. The last time we spoke was three weeks ago, he called me- we argued for a little while about everything and he even said that he would never say it in front of his wife, but if she wasn't around that he would be with me. I just always miss him and I always feel like I want to talk to him. Is there hope that this will get better? I cant stand feeling this way, and should I contact him or at least send him an email and tell him how I feel? Even though I know he is a liar and cheater and I couldnt trust him at all- always would argue over trust issues- I always feel that urge to speak with him- WHY?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): if you knew all these bad things about him then why did you start sleeping with him. and yet you continued havng sex with him as you discovered more lies.it is not his wife I feel sorry for: it is you. you after knowing the truth still decided to take a married man.now you are perhaps vengeful in that he gets to be a happily married man and you just thrown away like yesterday's garbage.sadly this is what happens to mistresses worldwide. and it will continue to happen UNTIL women say NO THANK YOU TO MARRIED MEN.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): I am the ORIGINAL POSTER- just wanted to say thank you to all of you that responded to my question. Tomorrow will be four weeks since he and I have spoken. Yes, I do still think about him everyday. And yes, I do still have that urge to talk to him- sometimes more of an urge than other times. Everyday is different for me. Some days I'm sad about the situation and other days I am angry. I do feel bad for his wife- although I feel like she is pretty blind as to who she is married to. She doesn't know half the stuff that she should. I didn't tell her everything- I never got the chance to. When I told her the gist of the situation - that her husband and I had a 7 month long relationship and that I thought I was expecting- She asked me to call her back in an hour. I did. She picked up my call and her husband- my ex lover was handed the phone- she didn't want to speak to me. He told me not to contact her again or he would go to the police. Not very sure what he said to her- but obviously he must have turned it around on me if she went from wanting to speak to me to not wanting to speak to me. He is a LIAR. I know this to be true as I said in my original post, I have caught him in many lies. I do know for a fact- because he did tell me- that he did sleep with other women while being married. In fact, he slept with someone just a couple months after being married and I actually spoke with her about it because I found out who it was and yes, she did confirm that they slept together. He met her off of the internet and then met up with her in person. This is what caused us to argue a lot and then ultimately destroy even more trust that I had for him- The very little amount that I had, I should say. I believe in my heart that he has met lots of women off of the internet and slept with them. I saw a picture of another woman on his phone one day- I asked who it was and he said it was his old girlfriend that he kept in touch with- I don't believe that for one second- I always thought in my heart that it was someone he met up with. And later on finding out that he goes on the internet and meets up with women - I just put it in my head that she was one of his many. He and his wife are just going on three years of marriage. It makes me question why he even got married in the first place. Lord only knows if he was sleeping with other women while calling me his "girlfriend." I never knew his anniversary with his wife, but his wife told me when they got married. I thought about the date and when he and I started dating. He started dating me a week and a half after his second wedding anniversary with her. I feel like he cares about no one, but himself. And maybe now his newborn child, but who knows.After speaking with one of his male friends and hearing about how "happy he is because he is and now he is focusing on his family- the new baby and wife" ...I expressed my feelings to my friend- telling her how it makes me sad that he is sitting around being happy with his new baby and his wife. I get that having a baby is exciting, but how can this stuff happen and they go on with life having a happy life and here I am with emotions that range from sad to angry or even to deep depressive feelings? It doesn't make sense to me. How does his wife even stay with him? She just feels like he made a mistake and they will try to work through it. Even though she has no idea that the last phone conversation he said to me that he "would never say it infront of his wife, but he would be with me if she wasn't around" - I feel like writing to her and telling her everything. I even feel like telling her family sometimes, just what a great man she is married to..... They have no clue who he is. His wife told me the day that I spoke with her about things- she said she couldn't even call her mom to talk about it because she was embarrassed. And that "everyone thinks he is such a gentleman and how great he is" - her words. See- these people have no idea what kind of man he really is- I do feel that anger and frustration- I do want to expose him. Not sure if it's the best idea. I just don't think it's right that he's so happy right now, and I'm not even a thought in his mind - I'm sure. And that's sad because he sure is all in my mind, everyday.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 April 2011):
I don't usually reply twice to one question without a follow up, but:
I have been thinking about this again and came to the conclusion that the whole vengeful plot I wrote up is actually a really immature thing to do. The problem with me is that when someone hurts me and expects to get away with it, I'm bent on making sure that they don't.
With this however, the only person you'd be hurting is his wife, so the best thing for you to do is to swallow all this bitterness and just never contact him again. It would make you a better person than he is. Plus if he cheated on her with you he will probably do it again with someone else and somewhere down the line it will bite him in the ass.
Just learn your lesson and NEVER ever go with someone who is already taken because you will end up being hurt and they will never leave the other for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 Please leave them alone. You'd only be hurting his wife, that has done nothing to you, and spoil their joy for the birth of their baby and their chance to start over now that they are a family., without accomplishing anything in your favour. Come on... do you really think he would give a rat's ass about your thoughts and feelings ? As if ! A guy who bullshits you to get into your pants, who cheats on his wife while she is pregnant- and conveniently forgets to tell you about the pregnancy, who lies to you with his every breath, and dumps you like a piece of garbage the moment his wife gets to know.... ,but, do you really think that such a sensitive, thin skinned gentleman would have any kind of reaction to your words ? He'd just roll his eyes and think : " Women. You can't have some fun that they go all psycho on you ".It's over. Finished. Gone. Move on, and learn from this experience.You feel the need to vent ,to decrease your hurt and humiliation, but -it's good you feel so hurt. It's good it burns- otherwise you won't remember this valuable and basic lesson, which is :never get involved with a married man . Never. And never believe him when he says he loves you while he is still married and living at home !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Make his life a living hell. He lied to you, to his wife, and now wants to make you go away. Ruin him.
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A
female
reader, aliyahnangelo +, writes (3 April 2011):
 I was cheated on while I was pregnant by my ex. Let me tell u, this guy probably had no intention of leaving this women. U were played. I know this might make u feel worse, but u need to hear it, u may not have even been the only "other women". If u think his marriage is going to be a picnic now that he's through with u, don't think that because its wrong. There will be major trust issues and he will cheat again. If he did leave his wife for u, he eventually would've cheated on u too. No matter how terrible u feel right now, just be thankful u found out how he really is earlier on. U have to move on and learn a valuable lesson from your pain -NEVER go for a married man- its more drama then what its worth and it is so disrespectful to the woman that wears his ring. But look at it this way, it could be worse, u could be his poor wife who is now connected to this jerk-off for life now that they have a child in common. Go find a nice guy that will commit himself to u and only u. Never play second fiddle to another woman, you're better than that aren't you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): I feel sorry for his wife, she and the baby are the victims here. This man's a lowlife and all I can advise you to do is to shake yourself up and put yourself in her shoes.If you ever ended up with him chances are he would be cheating on you in no time. Plenty of single men out there who dont need to lie to get a woman - go find one
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 You have already told his wife about your affair, and he has chosen to stay with her and his baby.
The real victims here are his wife and his new baby. By phoning her and telling her the truth about her husband you have already ensured he will never have a wife who completely trusts him.
You need to accept the blame for how you feel lies with yourself. You didn't have to get involved with a married man who you always knew was a liar. We often have to pay the price for our decisions, and you are now paying for yours.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 April 2011):
Being someone's mistress is one of the most thankless positions to be in. Wat happened to you is what happens most of the time. The married guy does all kinds of promises and romantic things in exchange for a booty call. He's got the best of both worlds. While his wife was preggers he was banging someone on the side. You were being used, honey. He wasn't the great guy you thought he was, despite the fact he showed you what he was about the moment he cheated on his wife with you.
Now, what to do? The best thing would ofcourse to cut your losses and move on, archiving this affair as a painful mistake.
But to be honest, I wouldn't let him off the hook so easily. I would probably write his wife a letter (typed, so he can't recognize the handwriting upon first glance) and explain just what a great hubby he is to her. She doesn't have to believe it and chances are he's going to lie his way out of it, but atleast the seed of doubt will be planted into her head. I would leave a e-mail address she can contact you through for questions (make a new one he doesn't know).
In short I would try to sabotage the perfect little life he's returning to. This might not make me any better than he is, but it definitely FEELS better.
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