A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, So I am needing some serious advice. I am beginning to think that I might have something seriously wrong with me and my ability to have a healthy relationship. I am currently 23 and I can honestly say I haven't been single for longer than 2 months in the last 8 years. If I am single I am on a desperate search for the next relationship. When I go on a first date the things that run through my mind are; would he make a good husband? does he want kids? does he have a stable career? Ever since I can remember I have only been interested in SERIOUS relationships. If I am single I seem to get involved in a relationship with almost anyone. Even if I can't really see us "meshing" well I will still try it out. Within only a few dates I catch myself trying to create a strong and intimate bond with the person. Being single is one of the worst experiences in my life. I find myself somewhat depressed when I don't have someone else.I can't figure out as to why I am like this. I am currently in a 1 year relationship and I am thinking about ending it so I can learn to be single and be on my own. I know I wont know what it truly means to be in love until I am happy being on my own. But I honestly don't know why I am this way and how to be happy single? I feel if I was to be single I would catch myself falling right back into a serious relationship.I came from a great family. I have two loving parents. Although, they did have a messy divorce when I was in the 3rd grade. I guess my questions is 1.) why do you think I have become this way?2.) Should I end the relationship I am in now?3.) What can I do to help me be happy single? and how can I keep myself from falling back into a serious relationship?Thank you so much for your input I am just feeling extremely confused right now and I really appreciate your input.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 March 2011):
I´m the complete opposite of you: I´m more often single than I am taken, because I actually like the freedom of being alone.
Lately I'm trying to be more open to hooking up again. I think both of us should be looking for middle ground.
To answer your questions:
1.) I think it seeps in, like it did me. You get a bf, like the excitement of sharing things with that other person and having someone by your side is nice to have when you're going through puberty. I know many people who leant on their bf's during that time (and vise versa). After a while you get so used to it you no longer know what it is like to be alone
2.) If you're asking that question (if you were deeply in love you would not even consider it) I think you should.
3.) Well first of all you need to rediscover your independence. Being alone is scary when you're used to having company most of the time. Try to enjoy yourself while you're alone. Plenty of perks. For one, you don't have to take someone else's wishes into account. You can go anywhere you want, when you want and when you're shopping alone, you don't need to visit that store your friends like and you don't, etc. You can take time for yourself. Watch that movie you never got around to, visit the spa, take on that sport you never had time for.
Being alone is hard when you don't know what to do with the extra time. So pick activities you always wanted to do but never got to. Do stuff with friends that you didn't when you still had a bf.
Keep this up for a couple of months until you're used to being single and the idea of it is no longer a threat to you. This way, you can get into dating again with a clear mind, not a desperate mind. Hope this helps!
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