A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! A bit of help needed. I live in a shared house with four guys and two girls. Most of the time it is really great only something happened today and I want your opinions. It concerns one of the guys. When I first moved in he was overly friendly and on two occasions he "accidentally" brushed against my boobs. Silly me didn't say anything but avoided him for a long time and after a while it was a normal funny student house situation and we were all friends. We were never really close but he never caused me grief. Today, I was about t use the shower and he was too and he kept making crude jokes about me rubbing his back. Other people were also present and I told him I don't look like a geisha because I am not one and that when I moved in ther never was a clause of rubbing anyone's back. Then we rushed to get the shower and he DEFINITELY groped my boobs. It was deliberate, I swear! I was shocked and very angry and knocked on his door and told him that he should keep his hands to himself or else. Then I used the other shower and he was knocking on the door asking me if I still "loved him and what I meant, as if he had no idea!!! I really want to have a witty and VERY clear answer for when I next bump into him. Surely this is NOT acceptable! I am fuming. Anyone has any good comebacks for the sleazebag? How do I handle this? I have to live with the guy. Geez!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Abella. No worries. I liked the funny comebacks. I too think his livid reaction said it all. I am pretty sure I can handle him though I am somewhat sad the nice atmosphere at home is no longer that. I hope everything smoothes itself out as I enjoyed living here mostly. I just have to remind myself that I did nothing wrong and that I had every right to be angry. Thanks for the support. Hope I won't have to update this.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 i do not see what he is doing as funny, even though i tried writing some (comedy writer are all safe!)I do think you should enlist the support of the other guys, because i think they will assist you to bring him into line.Like you, as a student i would have been livid. It amazes me that guys think they can make out nothing happened, when cleary it did happen
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 March 2011):
he went on the aggressive tack to try to mask that YES it was deliberate. He was testing how far he can go. Be alert for him also categorising one of his distasteful remarks (when challenged about it) as just him 'joking'.
Perhaps gently shame him when there are other male flatmates present.
Comments:
'....... Do you need to see a Doctor about your uncontrolled hand movements?'
What?
'i noticed you don't seem to have much control over where your hands wander.'
And
'....... Go to get a job in a dairy'
What?
'.......obviously you can't go a day without your hands seeking out the nearest mammary glands.'
And
'..... Go buy a pair of king charles spaniels. It's the only way you'll get access to a pair of puppies in this home'
And
'I saw some colleagues of yours on the menu today at the ......fish shop'
What?
'yes they had cheap octopus tentacles on special'
'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a little update. So, I hadn't really seen him all those days and today he is in the kitchen joking about. He pretends nothing ever happened and hugs me which I always hated anyway then asks me if everything is ok with me. I then repeat in a very calm and firm manner that I meant what I said that he should keep his hands away from me or else there will be problems. He got terribly angry, swore at me in turkish said he didn't do it on purpose and that I am crazy to think so and stormed off to his room. Guess it is better a bit awkward than too comfortable if you know what I mean.I only hope he doesn't give me grief. I know what happened and so does he. He is such a p...ck.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (27 February 2011):
 There are endless ways to get this guy back. Put up poster around your area with his picture on saying he is a perve and should be avoided, little pranks like i have previously mentioned.
However, sit down with your housemates and discuss what you think you should do. Maybe demanding he moved out if it happens again is the right way to go on this...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhahaha! Itching powder! Hillarious! And you guys got me thinking of "My big fat greek wedding" :-) Windex does cure everything
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (27 February 2011):
Put itching powder in his underpants, or ink in his shampoo/showergel. None of this will probably help, but it's a great way to get revenge!!!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Legal? Probably not.
Windex on the other hand...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys. Thanks for the answers. I am now looking up swear words. Jimmy, pepper spray? Is that even legal? And my dear Marianne I honestly do appreciate your answer and I understand your prespective but things are different when unwanted sexual gestures are involved. In my opinion this kind of behavior doesn't belong to "normal" teasing in which case I would totally agree with you. In my previous answer to you I wanted to explain why this isn't about him and giving him or not any satisfaction for whichever reason. I don't give a rat's ass why he did it. My body is off limits and that's non negotiable. I was asking because I know there is a chance he'll refuse it ever happened and tell me that he "accidentally" got a firm grip of my breasts on the way to the shower. And as I said it wasn't the first time either.
My point is that if I laugh it off the message he'll get is at best that I am a pushover, at worst I am willing to tolerate that kind of behavior and who knows what else and that it is ok to touch random girl's body parts without their consent for a good laugh. I am certainly never going to give him the opportunity to touch me again and if he ever does I will call a house meeting and demand he moves out. I don't think it will go as far as getting the police involved. Once again thank you everyone and excuse the rant my inner Virginia Wolf is being very active today :-).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Id choose a time when others are about but you can still take him aside for a quiet word. He needs to have the ground rules refreshed! Explain that you were very, very offended by his actions and words. And you expect better from him. Hes obviously having a little trouble understanding how to behave towards you. So try asking him to imagine you are like a family in the house. And you want him to treat you with the respect he would show a sister. Spell it out to him that you wont accept another 'accident' and if it happens again, you will take action. That should squash his behaviour before it gets any worse. Im sure he will quickly learn to respect you if he knows you wont stand for any nonsense.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (27 February 2011):
I don't know how accurate this this, and whether or not the message will get across, but next time he touches you tell him 'sick tear git' (i think that's the correct pronunciation!) Basically it means F*** Off in turkish!!!
If he understood it, he would be floored LOL!!! Also as another poster said, crack him round the head next time he does it, don't stand for it and tell him that you don't like him touching you, and if he carries on doing it then you will be getting the police involved!!!
Best of luck, i'd love to belt him for you hun!!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (27 February 2011):
Pepper spray.
The ultimate comeback.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): I didn't mean to say, try and be "cool" but it was more the fact of not giving him the satisfaction that he bothered you, as he is probably trying to make you feel uncomfortable. But I fully respect your right to make your boundaries more clear!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sorry Marianne but I have to disagree. This is my body and I will not tolerate anyone touching me this way without my consent. I just have a different definition of being cool or one of the guys. Thanks for taking the time to answer though
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question:-) he does sound like a retarded teen, I know. He is actually 29, Turkish and freshly divorced. I am just fuming. I will never give him the opportunity to do it again but I KNOW he'll just pretend it never happened, but it did, he definitely groped my boobs and that's not the first time either. In any case, thanks for the suggestions. Anything helps. I am just glad I am able to stand up for myself. I had issues about this before. (hence the question)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): I have another take on this, as a girl who lived with a bunch of single guys... just laugh it off, take it as a bit of flattery and nothing more, and just ignore it. Or make a joke of it, and grab his "boob" back.... Dont get offended, just be one of the guys, and take it easy and chill out. Guys appreciate and understand that a lot better than trying to talk about why something offended you!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 February 2011):
What age is he? He sounds like a teen. But if he isn't--if he's older, then this may work: "I'm really trying to respect my elders here but don't push your luck."
Another idea is to throw it in his face. Whenever he touches you inappropriately, say something like "real classy [insert name]. Maybe your girlfriend appreciated this, but I sure as hell don't. Keep your hands off me."
When he does it again:
"What part about "keep your hands off me" did you not understand?"
Don't be afraid to smack him around when he isn't listening and don't be afraid to get angry.
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