A
male
age
30-35,
*omradeKhaos
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for a good 8 months now. Everything is good except her mom. I am 18 years old, shipping off to the Air Force this summer. My girlfriend is 17.A little background information: My girlfriend is Hispanic and her father is a pastor at a small Hispanic church in my community. They live modestly in our community but still struggles a bit financially, some of which is there own fault from unnecessary debt. They are very socially conservative (and by conservative I mean, REALLY conservative). For example, at the mention that me and my girlfriend wanted to attend my senior prom, her mother struck us down as very immoral. Not for the reason you'd think, she's unaware of the stereotypical "event" that happens after Prom (her mother has lived a very sheltered life), but she thinks dancing is a product of the Devil...yea. Anyways, her father isn't very fluent in English but her mother is, so her mother is involved a lot more, while her father usually doesn't interfere much with anything.Her mother has waged a war against me (she won't admit it) since day 1. I have helped my girlfriend overcome some problems she had in her past, and effectively steered her away from a looming drug addiction and alcohol problem. My girlfriend is perfectly clean now, and she's earning A's across the board at school. She's doing better than ever, and she returns back home every night at curfew, unlike the past where she'd be hours late and caught sneaking out.However, none of this seems to matter to her mother. I am Caucasian, speak only English and raised Roman Catholic. My family would probably be classified as upper middle class in our area. I am not an elitist by no means, and my other friends are by no means "rich".Her mother has a habit of charging into my girlfriend's room and letting her know her latest thoughts about me.Some of the things her mother has said about me:*I will move out with her and then dump her on the streets to die.*Since my family is of German descent, and "Germans think they are better than everyone", myself and my family will neglect her since she's not "German".*I have given her drugs and alcohol, even though I was the one who got her off of it. I, myself, have seen firsthand the effects of drugs with my family, and it's not pretty.*I will call immigration services, and deport their church members and possibly my girlfriend's family (even though the entire family is legal to begin with).This is just the beginning. Although she claims I might be a racist, her own comments about me are racist themselves. She claims however, that this racism is "founded" because her father told her that and he's been around since the 1930s. Her father, by the way, is moving in with them here soon.I also personally think she is pitting her family against me, since my girlfriend's aunt and girlfriend have both been making odd comments about me.I am tired of the constant insults against myself, my family, my character, and my heritage. I love my girlfriend very much but her family is absolutely out of line. I do not know how to handle this. Please help!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 February 2011):
You´re very welcome, glad I could help!
A
male
reader, KomradeKhaos +, writes (21 February 2011):
KomradeKhaos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help, much appreciated. I followed your advice, and it seems to be working out very well for me.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 February 2011):
Be dimplomatic about it. I've found that the best way to deal with poisonous family members is to be the anti venom.
Always be courteous to the mother, even when she's being nasty. Never once raise your voice, always remain calm, controlled and reasonable. Always keep your back straight, your head high and look her straight in the eye so she knows you're not impressed by her antics.
If you retort to an out of line comment of hers, never let your temper flare up. "Interesting that you judge me for having German ancestry while you say you're against racism." Don't say it in a angry way, just state it like an observation. If she tries to provoke you, simply reply "if that's what you want to believe..." and then calmly trail off and shrug. Be nice to her. The nicer you are, the more pronounced her bad behavior will seem to others, including her husband and daughter.
Always show affection for her daughter in front of them (not saying you don't already, but make them notice). I'm not saying you should cuddle, but more the little things. Like leaning forward when she's talking to you so they can see you're really interested in what she has to say. Noticing her glass is empty and asking to fill it up, etc. You know what I mean.
She might never accept you. But if you keep this up she will never gain any leverage against you to manipulate her daughter with. If you let your anger take control her mom will say "see, I told you he's bad!"
So stand above all that crap of hers. Like they say: never lower yourself to the level of an idiot; they will beat you with experience. Good luck and your gf is lucky to have you!
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A
male
reader, KomradeKhaos +, writes (7 February 2011):
KomradeKhaos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMinor correction:
"...since my girlfriend's aunt and *grandfather* have both been making odd comments about me."
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