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age
41-50,
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writes: I am in an LDR and every other weekend I see my bf. I love him very much but I hate his house. I know it sounds very shallow but it is a very very old house. The bathroom has mould growing in it and green bathtub...toilet etc. The whole house though is NASTY. It even smells:-(. He doesnt want to hang out at my house because I dont have the sports channels he wants but my house is much nicer. Every time before I go and visit him I get depressed about the surroundings. Am I being petty. How can I solve this problem ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): Doesn't sound very 4 star, but then most bachelor pads aren't. That's why God invented women, to keep the men civilised, LOL. Get him off his butt and make him clean it - with your help and direction. At least it might be clean for the duration of your stay at least. And do get the mould problem sorted because it does effect your health.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 IF you think that your's and his relationship might ever evolve to marriage, then you MUST consider that he has been living in squalor.... since that is an idicator of how he lives... AND, how he might live/contribute to your (mutual) surroundings if you shared the same address.
You didn't mention his personal cleanliness/hygiene. Is THAT also similar to his home and surroundings?
It's pretty unlikely that a "clean" person and a "slobby" person can make a life together.... if THAT can be a/the source of conflict that can't be resolved....
Good luck...
Sign me,
"Mister untidy"
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 The green bathroom suite is unforunate but not really a serious problem. Lack of cleanliness and mould are problems. He can clean the bathroom, he can ask his landlord to give it a lick of paint or do it himself (you can get anti-mould paint for bathrooms - it works) and ask him/ his landlord to install an extraction fan in the bathroom. Or buy a small dehumidifer (great for getting rid of musty smells and controlling mould).
I don't blame you for being depressed by the surroundings. I once dated a guy whose flat was so damp it smelt, the sofa felt damp to sit on etc. There actually was no bathtub because he'd pulled it out and hadn't got around to replacing it! I have allergies, so it wasn't good for my health and I just hated being there. He just didn't care about his surroundings at all.
Unsuprisingly, we ended up realising we were incompatible (in other, more important, areas as well) and stopped dating.
I don't think you are being petty, except perhaps about the colour of the suite.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2014):
 PETTY ( I do NOT think you are petty!), not pretty :) sorry!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Mold is really dangerous. Especially black mold. If the house is so old that he can't manage to get it really clean then the bathroom may need to be refurbed.
The easier thing to do would be have him pay for the sports package on your cable bill and add it so he can come visit you. Or better yet have him record the programs he is missing over the weekends when he is with you as he should not be watching all those sports programs in your limited time together.
When my now hubby and I were LDR, on weekends we were together all gaming online was dropped. IF he needed to game on a weekend it was done while I was sleeping. HOW much sports is he watching when you are there... that really sounds like an excuse to me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I second FA's advice to tell him you cannot use his bathroom until it is clean. I dated a guy who didn't have air conditioning in his house. That was fine in the winter but in the 90 and 100 degree days? Not so much. I told him I couldn't tolerate any body contact when it was so hot. I believe it was the next day that he put in a window unit.
Where there's a will, there's a way. You just haven't given him the right reason to solve his home maintenance problem.
As for the sports channels, well, that's a whole different issue. Easily solvable, but do you really want to?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 February 2014):
 On the other hand I do think you are pretty. But I agree that you are not being petty about cleanliness and mold. Old homes and poor decor that is petty. Replacing a bathtub is one of the most expensive home improvements that can be done. Doing it simply because you don't like the color is silly. on the other hand a toilet that old that still works is pretty amazing. Soon that will need replacement and he will never find one to match the tub. so there is hope.
OK I wandered away from the real point of the post. How do you tell him you are not going to spend time at his house until it is clean and healthy, without offending him. Simply say that you can not use his bathroom until it is clean. That will logically bring about a limit to the time you are willing to be there and a limit to the types of activities you can do there. He will either fix it of be willing to visit your home. He may need some help in learning how to take care of his home. That is not uncommon among men these days.
I am also worried about his unwillingness to spend time away from his sports. If you enjoy them with him it's ok but if he can't miss a game for time with you it spells obsession.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2014):
It sounds nasty and unhealthy.
Mold is nothing to "not worry about" specially if you have any kind of respiratory problems.
And if he lives in a pigsty on his own, how do you think it's going to be down the line if you move in together?
Though having a green tub and living in an old old house I can't see as deal breakers, but mold and nasty? Yes.
Sorry, I do NOT think you are pretty.
Are you supposed to watch him watch sports when you are there? What's the point of visiting then?
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