A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel in a strange place at the moment. My girlfriend left me and I honestly thought she was the one. She said she loves me but is not in love with me? DO you think this could change over time?I have agreed to give her time and space to think but I think I am just delaying what is going to be a break up. I feel depressed lonely and feel il never love like that again after I put so much into our relationship.Im 24 and I feel like that was my chance at true happiness gone. Please help
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male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Greetings,
I find myself agreeing with 'sageoldguy' and 'fatherly advice' in that the whole excuse of "she loves me but is not in love with me" is just that, an excuse and a poor one at that. It is merely a case that the feelings of excitement or 'butterflies' she felt are gone and she doesn't like it.
I would go as far as being spiteful and say she is immature and doesn't realize what being in love means so what I can offer in terms of advise is shoulder this experience and learn from it
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 It won't change, and my advice is that you move on.
When one is very sad about losing someone, one may think that is the end of the world. But it isn't. You're so young and you will find someone else pretty soon.
Take advantage of the time to think abot who you are, what you like, et cetera, and what you didn't like about her, so you can avoid those things with the next girl.
Don't worry: be happy.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Sometimes especially among women "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you" means the butterflies and rush of new love has faded and that is what I really want. Sadly it will fade in her next (several) relationships until she realizes that being in love is the comfortable love that she feels for you now. In the meanwhile she is leaving a trail of broken hearts like yours.
To answer your direct question, No she is not coming back.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): For the most part, I agree with the other aunts, she is just making excuses and this will almost certainly lead to a break up. She has said she is not in love with you... so why would you want to stay with her anyway? You have put a lot into your relationship and it hurts... It is over, but she is not brave enough to say it just yet. It feels dreadful now, but it will get better with time. Try to keep yourself busy, spend time with other people. You will meet someone else, someone that will love you back. However, I am a bit shocked at the other aunts who do not believe in 'the one' ... For a very long time (15 years of dating) I didn't either... until I met her! I used to be an unromantic cynic... now I'm very much in love with my one. Obviously you need to work at a relationship and it is not always easy, but I am 100% confident that she is my one and I will always be with her. Anyway. She wasn't your one, I'm sorry she behaved badly, you will meet someone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 March 2014):
 To the OP - and anyone else who would like to "listen":
When a potential partner/mate sez: "... she (he) loves me but is not in love with me?" that is obsfuscatory B/S for: "I'm about to dump you, but don't have the guts to say so....."
End of discussion...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Nope, I don't think she will change her mind. And nope, she isn't "the one". (which I by the way agree with Ciar there is no such thing as "the one") You will met PLENTY of "ones" throughout your life, it all comes down to timing. If the timing is right for BOTH of you, it can be epic :)
It's was "only' 8 months. It might seem a long time to you right now, because you feel punched right in the feels, by this. But reality is if you ISN'T in love with you after ONLY 8 months together it's NOT going to happen. And YOU now have the chance to find someone WHO can love you the way you DESERVE. SHE wasn't it.
Half the worlds population is female. There are 12 million women in Australia,At least 20% of those are in YOUR age group.
End it with her and cut the contact. Being friend with someone you want as a partner is not helpful, take it one day at the time.
And don't be afraid to give another girl a chance down the line, once you are ready to let this one go.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 No, sadly I do not think it will change over time. Loving you but not IN love with you means just that. She's grown fond of you over the time you dated but is no longer romantically interested.
It's sad, yes, but not a life ending catastrophe. There is no such thing as 'the one'. This is Hollywood fluff. If there were people wouldn't date or re-marry after death or divorce. There are billions of people in the world, many of whom will be compatible.
You're ONLY 24. Still very young with plenty of time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): We were together 8 month. Thanks for your reply
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 24 is young, very young. She wasn't the one for you. And there is no such thing as "the one" or "one love". People can find love with several others, not just one person. This person didn't find love with you, even if you found it with her.
How long were you together? I do not think she will fall back in love with you again, people very rarely do. And, to be realistic, there were probably reasons for why she let her love for you die, reasons for why she pulled away. Something told her this wasn't what she wanted. People are not really so much victim to their feelings as romantic comedies will have you believe. People can choose to fall out of love. And people can choose to work on their relationship so they will not fall out of love. And if the relationship isn't right for them, love will naturally fade as well, because you will naturally not put as much effort into it.
So, to translate this for you: She didn't fall out of love, she chose to leave the relationship and this was her excuse. Maybe she doesn't know the underlying factors herself even, but she knew this wasn't for her and she left. It's time you face that.
Do not take it as a rejection of you, it's just that.. she wasn't the right girl for you. And now you are free to find that right girl, rather than waste your time with the wrong one..
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