A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I will probably get the answer to this question either later on today or tomorrow from the source, but I was just curious to find out other people's opinions and whether or not other girls or guys out there have had a similar experience.I've met a girl online and I fancy her to bits. She invited me round to hers last week and we sat, on separate sofas, and watched TV. At the end of the night I asked her if she wanted to do this again and she replied yes. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and said goodnight.I invited her round to mine the following week (she didn't sound keen on going out). She said yes and then said what about meeting up Friday and Sunday and said that if we still get on after Sunday I would have her undivided attention.She came round last night. We watched a movie, again on separate sofas, had a gossip and a laugh. There were a few moments of silence here and there but naturally I expected this a bit as we are still getting to know each other. It went OK I thought, apart from the film, which was naff (Great Gatsby). At the end of the night she opened the door, we said a few words and then she said goodnight without facing me or giving me a hug or kiss and walked off.And this is where I am getting to the point. Have I blown it with this girl or is she just nervous and shy?. Is it her way of telling me she's not interested, or am I reading too much into it?I certainly don't want to rush things, but if she likes me she's making it difficult for me to figure out.I'll admit, I'm preparing for the text that will ruin my weekend to be honest.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Sounds like you guys are hanging out as friends. Sitting on separate sofas isn't the type of behaviour of two people that could be potentially romantically involved.
I think you need to make a bit more of an effort to make it look like you actually want a relationship and not just someone to hang out and watch tv with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): OP I don't think you've blown anything but I do think you need to make your dates more exciting. I mean sitting at home watching TV you've done twice now and frankly it's about as exciting as making a cup of tea and watching Coronation Street. Not exactly what you'd call "sweeping her off her feet". I mean come on, it's hardly surprising that she wouldn't exactly feel overly romantic watching a crappy movie sitting miles away from you on the sofa. You're treating her like a friend who's just called over to watch TV, not like a woman you're romantically interested in.
Take her out, give her an excuse to dress up and impress, and show her a good time. Dinner, drinks or something equally as fun.
Personally I think you've done things the wrong way around. I date by going out first, by taking them somewhere fun and doing fun things and only taking them back to mine when I want to make a move. I mean you've made the focus about what's on TV instead of getting to know her in a fun setting. Your place to watch TV is hardly a fun setting. Now if you went all out and made her a sublime dinner with some music and wine, that would be a different story and she'd probably have ended up on the same couch as you.
Spice things up, create that spark. Because your gut feeling may well be correct, OP, because two boring dates probably haven't ignited any kind of passion in her at all.
No disrespect to the female posters here but I think they're wrong. It's not about her wanting to take things slowly it's about the dates being boring and you not taking the lead here. Okay she said she wasn't keen on going out, I would tried a little harder to convince her as she's probably one of those people it takes a lot of convincing to do things like that but when they actually do they have a great time. If she still won't be convinced then I'd have laid out a three course meal, music and just talked to her instead of watching a movie.
OP find something awesome, like a gig, a rave or something guaranteed to be fun and invite her to that. Try not to be vague have something specific in mind and you should have an idea of her interests enough to be able to think of something she'd like to go to, an exhibition etc.
For the future throw on a comedy (not a romantic one) on dates, something you'll both enjoy rather than a shitty musical. Never, ever put on a girly movie on a date or you'll just sit there bored wishing you were doing something else and she'll just be sitting there watching a guy on screen she wishes she was on a date with instead.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 March 2014):
 I think she is playing it safe as well, I agree with FA. She might not be sure how she feels but she is interested.
I would suggest though that you go out and do things not just sit on each others couches and watch movies. That might... get a little boring. Plus you don't really get to talk that much.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (1 March 2014):
 You mentioned that you're seeing her tomorrow as well, so if that date still stands then I don't think you have to worry about anything at this stage. Her body language may seem a bit cold, but perhaps she just likes to take it slowly. I hope that's what it is. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 March 2014):
 Too soon to say...
Some people are all over eachother right from the start and others hold back. I am assuming you don't know everything about her? so are taking things slowly yourself (sitting on separate sofas?) Maybe you are playing it a bit too cool and she's reading that as 'not interested'
Up your game a little, perhaps invite her out for dinner where you will be face to face with more eye contact and not being distracted by the TV. It doesn't have to be expensive and if you can't afford it, just invite her round and cook something!
You are passing all the responsibility onto her for the next move but if you really like her, you better make it a little clearer and see if she wants to date you more regularly and get to know you better.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (1 March 2014):
 Firstly, YOU haven't blown anything, FA is right, she's playing it safe.
She's set all the rules and you've played by them. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't but if it doesn't, neither one of you is to blame.
It could just be that she isn't clicking with you in a romantic way.
Then again, she might realise she's falling for you and wants to take things slowly and/or not appear too keen in case you don't feel the same way about her.
I'm sorry I don't have the answer you want but I do hope things work out for you.
Hope this helps AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): i think she likes you but doesn't wanna go too far yet. maybe she's afraid of doing things too quickly. don't expect that text yet. just give this relationship some time and take it slow, because that's pretty much what she wants.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 March 2014):
 I had a relationship that was something like that once. I'd tell you how it ended but I don't want to prejudice you. She is playing it safe. Don't push too hard.
FA
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (1 March 2014):
I've had a similar situation some time ago, it ended with the dreadful words "You are a good friend"... Well everybody know what that means.
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