A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ever since my husband had learned his younger female coworker was getting a divorce, it was non-stop talk about her for a good year and a half. I would hear she is attractive, why would someone divorce a beautiful woman like her. I would hear about her kids. My husband wanting to be the knight in shining armor and give her a used piece of furniture of ours to help her out. How she made a comment to another co-worker about not liking plain yogurt. How she is fixing up her home. At least once or every two weeks I would have to listen to this dribble. I have met her and they both work in the same department. She is younger than me by 12 years and yes she is attractive. So I see why my husband is attracted to her. But, suddenly he does not mention her anymore. He will mention the other ladies at his work but deliberately will not bring her up to me I noticed. I don't know what to think. I kept a close tab on the situation to see if it would go to the next level but I will never really know if it had. Maybe she got a boyfriend...I don't know and now the silence from him about her is all I think of the reason why not unless it may have gone to another level.There is an event at the company in which I have to donate some items and I did have to mention her name because she is the head of the event and he got all red in the face (not mad, but blushing) when I did say her name. So I don't know...
View related questions:
co-worker, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2014):
 I agree wholeheartedly with FA.
I DO vote for option 2 (he made a pass and got shot down). However, it is JUST an educated guess.
I would just enjoy to NOT hear about her any more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): The OP here: Well, yes, thinking back, I had my day in the sun. When I was in my twenties I had to run the gauntlet past a large open window of another business with leering men every single morning to reach my place of work. It got so tiring and plus that other business we had to work with because they sent business our way so I had to occasionally deal with these sleazy men. I knew what they were thinking about me. A major ick factor for me with aging men lingering about. I am sure this woman has the ick factor too, but you never really know what a woman is thinking if a man has hit on her or is showing interest. Of late, my husband has been very complimentary of me. Seems like he drifted away into his fantasy land over this lady and he has come back to earth for a while. And yes, I will be dropping off the donation and I will keep a close watch on the conversation, body language to look for any subtle signs. It was very tacky of my husband to keep talking about her continuously, like some high school crush. I got so bored with the talk being about her all the time. It's like don't you have another else to contribute to a conversation?? Yes, it is insensitive of him to have talked about her all the time. It's like get a clue. If I am not all that, then really, I need to move on to a man that does really appreciate me or be single and not have to deal with the male drama of a man's psyche.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2014):
 He had a crush on her and got rejected and now has a bruised ego. She probably did get a boyfriend (and this could be his rejection).
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 March 2014):
Ask him and see how he reacts
...............................
A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (21 March 2014):
 It does sound a bit like perhaps he made a pass at her and was rejected. Either that or he had or has something with her and it did not go well or is still going on. If he's good looking and has the money to keep a mistress, perhaps you should be worried but if he's not really that type of guy, it's probably just something benign. What is most important is that your marriage is good. I hope it is. Partners need to use discretion. It was really insensitive of him to talk about her all the time like that to begin with...take good care of yourself, look your best, work on improving yourself and be a good wife to him. Consider getting a little crush of your own and just don't babble about it when he's around. I would never tolerate a lack of discretion like that. Best wishes to you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): You're experiencing a little of his middle-aged crisis. He got a little carried away with office-gossip and drama about the attractive young divorcee. At the time, he got a bit caught-up. He is a man, and naturally curious about attractive females. That doesn't mean he had an affair.
Naturally you will assume he has taken things further then fantasy; based mainly on his peripheral fascination with the outcome of her divorce and well-being. She is the center of male-attention at her place of employment. Almost every workplace has one or two. You can't relate in the way other males can. Wives seldom do.
If you could be a fly on the wall in the men's room. You would know it wasn't only your husband who had an inappropriate fascination for this attractive young female.
She was the topic of male-gossip and everyone described in schoolyard terms what they'd do if given half the chance.
It's all stupid adolescent-male behavior and locker-room humor. Most couldn't do a thing without the little blue pill. All talk!
Jaded by your envy, you would think the worse. Not taking a few important details into consideration.
She was shared conversation in the break-room, subject of winks and whispers between guys at the copier, and a quick glance from every cubicle she passed, on her way from
point-A to point-B. Don't hate. You may have been her unknowingly at some point earlier in your own career.
Probably still are. You have to share the limelight with the up-and-coming. Remember the good ole' days!
Practically every heterosexual male in her work-unit had to have taken their turn at offering her comfort and support. Wanted or unwanted. That's the way guys are. So valiant and chivalrous toward the lady in distress. Especially if she's hot.
Not to insult you; but why do women presume that their husbands are successful at seducing these lovely women into affairs so easily? No matter how ordinary he is.
Do you not realize the extent of his charms; and the nerve it takes to get that close to a really hot young female? When he pretty much looks like a middle-aged married-man with kids? Thinning hair or receding hairline, paunchiness, and a wedding-ring? Do you really think she's going through a rough divorce; and wanting to swing with the married old-farts in her office? At least give her some credit.
She probably hates men with a passion at this stage, and the last thing she wants; is to be chased like some bitch in heat. She has her dignity too you know.
So give your hubby a break, unless you've experienced his philandering in the past. It's only natural you would keep an eye on your man; but not as many women in their 20's may be after him as you might think. He has to feel attractive as a man, and would naturally have fantasies of being showered with attention from a young and attractive woman.
If you're throwing flames and daggers with your eyes in her direction; who wouldn't get red-faced wondering what sarcasm or nasty comment you plan to throw her way out of jealousy and contempt. I'm sure you kept him on pins and needles the whole time. So it wasn't all guilt on his part.
WiseOwlE is no idiot. Your post says a lot. I can also read between the lines.
As if you've never felt anything around a hot attractive male towering over you. The sweet and subtle scent of his aftershave mixed with his natural masculine odor. His broad shoulders and the sexy base in his voice. Of course such things have no effect on you whatsoever. The minute you put on a wedding-ring you went deaf, dumb, and blind. Lost all feeling, and became completely immune to any man other than your husband. Yeah, right!
The fascination has worn off. She has probably met someone and her vibe around men after her divorce; deflects unwanted attention. You know that air women get when men sour on you, and we become the most contemptible creatures
walking upright?
Well, novelty also wears off; and everyone comes back down to earth. Fascination reaches a plateau, and all has settled back to normal. Only you haven't come down yet. Happy landing!
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 March 2014):
 I can think of three other likely reasons to explain his change of behavior. One, he finally figured out how stupid it is to have an emotional affair with someone that young. Two he made a pass and got major rejection. Or three he is suffering memory loss from too many rolling pin and skillet strikes to the head.
Isn't it nice that he isn't talking about her any more?
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (20 March 2014):
 The whole thing does sound a little off to me.
I doubt he would just come out and tell you if anything untoward had taken place... it seems like most people who post here to say their partner was cheating caught him or her in the act somehow and that's how they know.
But I'm betting you've been married to him long enough to be able to read his facial expression and body language, and by now you probably know when he's lying to you or hiding something.
I'd ask him "So, how's Lisa doing?" and watch carefully while he answers.
Heck, you could even suggest inviting her (and her partner if she has one) over for dinner. That should answer the question of whether or not she's seeing anyone, and if the answer is no AND something fishy is going on, your husband will probably be squirming visibly while trying to think of a compelling reason the dinner date can't happen. Because I guarantee he won't want the two of you crossing paths if he's actively cheating with her, and he may even suspect that you've guessed what's up and want to confront both of them about it.
The more thoroughly you are able to put him on the spot, the more raw material you'll likely have to work with in terms of reading his reaction.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (20 March 2014):
 There could be many reasons why he's stopped speaking of her. She could have gotten a boyfriend. Perhaps your husband is trying to forget about her and is making an effort not to mention her. While your husband may find this woman attractive, she might not necessarily reciprocate. She might view him as a helpful married colleague. Has your husband ever given you reason to question his trust before? He's quite open about the women he works with, so perhaps just tactfully ask him if he still has a crush on this young woman. Or, perhaps you could go see her in the pretence of dropping off a donation. Just act friendly and nonchalantly ask how things are doing with her since the divorce...perhaps drop a teasing, "And is there a new man in your life these days?"I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. But try not to let suspicion get the most of you so that you worry yourself sick over something that is just not there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): Think you are going to have to confront your husband, and have it out with him. If your not confrontational and just casualy mention he doesn't talk about her anymore, he might be more revealing.
Or even ask if she is now in a relationship.
Could be, he might be embarrassed about the crush he had on her and nothing more, but you need to have it out with him, once and for all, and why shouldn't you, he is your husband , and she is a work mate, sounds like they both needed a reminder.
...............................
|
