A
female
age
30-35,
*innieg
writes:The guy I've been seeing for about a month isn't great at initiating any physical contact but is happy enough when I do. Like if I slip my hand in his, he'll wrap an arm around my shoulders after a bit but it's just odd cz he's the one who asked me out the first two or three times so it's not like it's a general awkwardness thing. I kinda hate always being the one to make the first move though and it's probably the first time I've had to. Is there anything I can do short of having a big conversation about it? Or will it just get better as we get more used to each other? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 It took my boyfriend a full year to be comfortable with holding hands showing physical contact in public. He's now my husband. I didn't push, I didn't insist, there was no big talk. One day, he was able to turn a mental corner and just relax and do it. I gave him time and space to do that.
So definitely relax, no need for a talk about this. And I would not be too physical in public with him, it may be encroaching on his comfort zone and could put him off.
Relax, give him time, don't worry!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): You've only been with your guy about a month. Some guys are pretty slow in the department of showing public displays of affection.
Over-time; once they realize that's what you like, it becomes second nature. Reaching for his hand shouldn't bother you. Don't make a fuss, just do it. Do it, until it becomes a habit for both of you. He'll get used to feeling your hand in his; and when it's not there, he'll automatically reach for it. Developing affection for you is still in progress, mind you.
He learns by conditioning; when it is something that is repeated frequently.
It starts to become a natural reflex to touch you when being close to you. In many cases it takes training. A
repeated action to get his mind to adjust to giving it to you of his own free will.
Some girls don't like it PDA, or feel it is meaningless.
He doesn't know if you wants it; until you initiates it.
Some guys will not touch a girl, until she wants him to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): It might not be awkwardness, it could be as FA said about public displays of affection.
My feeling is he's worried about coming on too strong. I mean when you do something he happily reciprocates doesn't he? So he's not shunning intimacy with you. I think he may just be getting the pacing wrong or he doesn't like PDA's.
There's no need for a "big talk". It's only been a month, he is still only learning your boundaries in that way.
Minnieg just because the guy asked you out, doesn't mean he's going to be full on and handsy. Girls your age complain non-stop about guys doing that and being creeps. Most guys his age who want to be in any way respectful sometimes are a little too respectful in that regard until they're comfortable and know they're not going to blow it.
Try not to see it as such a big deal yet. It;s pretty damn hard for some guys to know what a girls is comfortable with after only a month and lots will let her take the lead in that regard. A minor chat to tell him he had your permission to be affectionate will probably do the trick. telling him you feel really comfortable around him and like it when he holds you and stuff will also open that door. Not everything has to be a big chat, OP. You and he are still only barely getting to know each other, just throw out some small comments to help guide in that way. We're not mind readers.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Minnieg,
In a guy's mind there is a world of difference between Dating and PDA. Public Display of Affection is more risky and at your age has been prohibited to you in many places. Many guys really don't understand how important PDA is to their girlfriends. To girls it says I love you all the time. From guys it says I love you enough to make a fool of myself in front of my friends. You see the difference?
It's o k to talk to him about it but at one month him following your lead is pretty good. It is too soon for him to have changed his habits. Give him some time.
FA
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