A
female
age
30-35,
*oeismeanyou
writes:So lately I've been talking to a guy I really like. The only thing is that I'm 20 and he's 27. I'm worried that my family will freak over the age difference if we do ever become boyfriend and girlfriend. Is the age difference too far apart? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2014):
 7 years is not much when you are 27 and 34
at 20 and 27 it might seem overwhelming at times.
I'm 13 yrs older than my spouse and while we are much older than you guys, occasionally it's still an issue for me.
I find that at least for me, if the older partner is fighting being in the relationship due to age, it has a much better shot of working than if they are targeting younger folks.
Part of being an adult is doing things you think (or know) will bother your family but NOT caring.
You say you are worried that your family will freak if you ever do become bf and gf... so you are worrying about things that have not even occurred and may not occur.
If you were 27 and he was 20 I'd advise against it. BUT women tend to mature faster than men and 20-27 is not horrible.
Don't go looking for trouble... if you like him, and he likes you, expose your family to him now, before it's serious....
and no rush... take your time.. trust your gut... if he wants to move faster than you, slow him down.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Woe,
Every time someone asks a age gap question, someone will quip "age is just a number". Now if you were to ask, this guy I like has three 6's in his phone number, should I date him? Then just a number would make sense, because that number was randomly assigned and means nothing. Age is not randomly assigned, he has earned every one of those years and they reflect quite a bit about who he is.
If you were 13 and he was 7 tears older than you. We would be calling the police. If you were 34 and he was 41 there really would be no significant difference in your ages. At 20 and 27 there is an important difference. At 27 in your Country he is close to the average age for getting married. He should be dating with the intention of settling down. At 20 you are wrapping up university, and have 7 years to date and explore and get your career going or pursue an advanced degree before you settle down. So that puts you two on seriously different footing.
When I was your age girls marrying older guys even just as they graduated high school was very common.But now I see girls who married at 22 lamenting that they married too soon and weren't ready, or missed the carefree years. I would worry less about what your family is going to say and more about your own personal life plan.
The other thing is, What is on his mind? If he is dating 20 year olds with marriage in mind, run! If he is dating 20 year olds because he is not interested in marriage then he's no keeper. If he is not dating you because he knows that you don't fit his life plan then you have worried about something that will never happen anyway. Keep your eyes open and find out what his agenda is before you commit.
FA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 March 2014):
 If "your (my) family" has an opportunity to date this guy, then THEY can then pass judgement on the age difference and decide that THEY will date him... or not.
YOU are the person who might date the guy. You family has no say in the matter.
P.S. This is all part of becoming an adult and fledging from the nest!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 March 2014):
No, I don't think the age difference is too far apart. 27 probably seems "old" when you're 20, but it's not, and I'm sure your family won't think much of it. Now, if he was 37, then that might raise some eyebrows.
I think if it does get serious, I wouldn't even mention his age unless someone asks. Just be nonchalant with your answer...it's really not a big deal.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Just take everything slowly, don't make a big deal of the age difference, and don't try and keep anything hidden.
Yes, sometimes an age difference of seven years can seem too wide, especially if you have not been dating very many other boys, or have been a little sheltered, but it is not an insurmountable difference.
If you and he do get to be boyfriend and girlfriend, just act matter of fact, as if the difference is nothing to worry about ..........
Little steps, little steps and don't try and cross any bridges until you get to them.
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