A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 weeks now. Trouble is I want to see him every day and spend all my days and nights with him. If I don't see him for more than 2 days I start to feel lonely. Is this normal? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): hun, your not alone! i feel like that all the time! even if my bf's just gone to the toilet, i at that moment want him by my side! so yeah, it's normal!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): It is normal to miss him. It's needy to want to cling to him. if you know the reasons he has to be gone for so long,
control your anxiety.
One of the most important things that you have to be careful about in a new relationship, is smothering your new partner.
The commitment is there. He also wants to spend his time with you. You have to have a healthy amount of desire to be with your partner. Not let insecurity and greed/selfishness be the motive behind your desire. You may not have enough balance of personal-activity in your own life. That is going to be a major problem down the road. Work on it.
Seriously, I mean it. Work on it.
Fight the compulsion to be clingy. It is normal when you feel the first pangs of attraction pulling you closer. That's how the bonding occurs. Just don't get ahead of your partner. Make sure his feelings and your feelings are in the same place.
Giving too much too soon, will cause a new partner to feel overwhelmed by your emotion. He'll feel there may be something wrong with you. So relax and let things flow.
Give of yourself in doses. Let love grow over time. It's new and he needs time to get to know you. To become attached in stages. That's important in the bonding process.
Pouring it on with a fire-hose is not how you do it.
The most common reason many OP's in new relationships write into us; is due to insecurities, or their partner takes a sudden or abrupt turn in their feelings.
They seemed really loving, then turned iced-cold or distant. In most cases, they got scared off by their clingy needy partner.
Relationships require that both parties be whole, stable, and comfortable with themselves. You don't come into a person's life for them to cure your loneliness; or repair your weaknesses. They deserve your best, and you deserve the best they have to offer you. Insecurity is like acid, and it eats its way right through your trust. Which is the very foundation of a relationship.
To bluntly put it, get a hold of yourself and be a grown up.
This is a crucial time in your infant-relationship. Try to be balanced. It's fine to send him messages; but not on the hour. Too much messaging is desperate. If anyone tells you otherwise; you'll find out the hard way.
Call him for a chat when you know he's on his free-time.
Make sure you have your own friends and activities to fill in your spare-time. Boyfriends are not security blankets.
Your boyfriend is not the center of your universe. Don't smother him and demand his attention and company 24/7.
You have a right to want him to share his time, give you affection, and attention. That's the reason for commitment.
Be too clingy and over-demanding of his time; yhat is the way you will push him further away. He is not responsible for damage done by men in your past. Remember that, if you don't pay attention to anything else I've written here.
You'll be okay. He'll start to miss you too, after being away too long.
If there are too many long gaps in time, where he's missing in action for days at a time without an explanation. That's a red-flag! You also have a right to know why he's missing so long. You don't have to put-up with being played. That wasn't the point I wanted to get across. Use reason and good judgement.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Normal is such a misleading word. Let's look at this from another angle. You find your feeling unfamiliar. You say that your reactions are a "trouble". Therefore this is not "normal" for you. But that is not what you want to know, because you know that.
What you want to know is do other people feel this way? And, is this something better than what I have experienced in the past? The answers to these questions are Yes People feel this way a lot. In fact there is a lot of writing about it. Look up love vs. infatuation. I would disagree that you are feeling love, but it is possible that you have love mixed with a large dose of infatuation. More later. The next questions answer is: This is probably not going to be better than what you have felt before, but it will be different and stronger.
Infatuation is a more passionate less committed version of love. It is marked by strong needs for constant interaction. In fact when you say that after 2 days you begin to feel lonely it sounds like a withdrawal or a partial disconnection that is typical in infatuation. Infatuation is often stormy and short lived. in some rare instances infatuation can mellow out and grow into true love. But as a warning to the infatuated, that is very much the exception and not the rule.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Missing him is one thing... being lonely specifically for him is ok... being LONELY in general means you may not have enough going on in your life and you may be becoming to dependent on him for your social life.
If you meant you miss HIM specifically but not that you are generally lonely, then that's NORMAL at 6 weeks... the blush is still new...
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Beyond normal…It’s called love. It wouldn’t be called love if you did care to see him every day, right :) Enjoy it.
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