A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My gay male best friend whom I have known for a year recently took me out for my birthday. He took me to a restaurant that neither my boyfriend and I can afford, and also gifted me a Burberry scarf ($400 value). I had already known which restaurant he was taking me to but I was surprised at the luxurious gift. I was hesitant to accept it but he insisted. Eventually I did and I felt comfortable doing so because we're very close friends and because he can afford it (not going out of his way). I have been dating my boyfriend shorter than I have been friends with this guy. Later in the day, I met my boyfriend who saw the gift and was surprised at its value (he knows my best friend is gay though). He complimented it but I think he feels slightly jealous. I try not to wear the scarf every day but I really like it. What is the best way to handle this situation? Was it wrong for me to accept a high value gift from a male while I have a boyfriend?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 I think like I see it has the best response.
your friend gave you a gift and a dinner he could afford that he clearly put thought into.
I think your boyfriend is not insecurely jealous in thinking that you like your friend more but that he's sad he can't spoil you in this way also. He's not thinking of all the emotional ways he can spoil you which to ME would mean more anyway.
If you would have accepted the gift from a girl friend or a family member then there is nothing wrong with accepting it if it was given purely out of the joy of giving things. (that's what i do)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014):
I need to say I thought ' like I see it' response was so heart felt and genuine that it made take stock and reminded me of my mother . She never had much but she gave to others what she could without thinking of herself at times.
Let your bf know that it's the thoughtness behind the item
Not its cost .
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Not wrong. In my opinion it would have been very rude to refuse a gift that was carefully chosen for you and given with no strings attached.
Your boyfriend's reaction probably isn't jealousy per se but rather him feeling uncomfortable that he has no way to "match" or outdo your friend's gift. But that's the thing that so many people miss about gift-giving - it's not the material item that is given that matters, but the thought and feeling that goes into the gift. If it was very easy for your friend to afford that scarf and all he did was go buy it, his gift actually has (in my opinion anyway) less meaning and thought put into it than a simple handmade, heartfelt card from your boyfriend, even though the scarf is much more "expensive."
I'm not religious but this reminds me of the Bible story about the woman who gave only a few pennies to the church while rich people gave much more. Her donation was more significant than anyone's because she gave all that she had, and I think there's a lesson in that. Gifting should not be about the dollar value of what you receive but the meaning and love behind it :)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 February 2014):
 My general rule is that When you are in a committed relationship you don't do things that look like you are cheating. For example going on dates, being alone with other men, and so on. In my opinion, yes this whole situation, date dinner gift was not cool.
How should you handle it now? Telling your boyfriend all the details was the right thing to do. He seems to be taking it o k so let it lie.
How could the whole thing have been done properly in the first place? (you didn't ask this question, but for the education of the inexperienced) You gay friend should have asked both of you to dinner together. Then he could give you any gift he felt appropriate.
FA
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A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Greetings,I would say that for a boyfriend to hear about you being taken to somewhere he couldn't afford and being given something he couldn't acquire would be a sting to him. After all I would have to question why your gay best friend felt it necessary to do this for you.Most friends I am aware of don't go to such extremes unless they are trying to say something.Don't flaunt it around your bf and instead try to spend more time with your bf than your best friend, yes I know this sounds extreme but gay or not your bf might start to grow jealous with the attention.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): It wasn't wrong to accept, it wasn't wrong for your friend to get it for you just don't gush about it too much in front of your boyfriend because you know he feels a bit outdone. Other than that it's not really a big deal.
Look I'm not American, in Ireland we don't care about money as much, so we don't see the expense of a gift as being the true value of it if you know what I mean because unlike the U.S. we don't attach the same importance to a person's wealth. I bought my sister a car for her birthday and her boyfriend got her a kindle fire. There's no competition there, she needed both and she uses both. The fact my gift was far more expensive means nothing because I have the financial means to buy things like that.
I have a feeling your boyfriend doesn't think it's as much a big deal as you think he does. Then again you are American and in your country a person's wealth is the most important consideration of their value as a person, so maybe he feels your friend has more value to you because he can afford more expensive stuff. Just set him straight and tell him you love his gift too and that price tag doesn't mean the thought behind a gift is any more or less special.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 If your gay male friend was actually female heterosexual would you accept the gift?
That being said, it does seem a little over the top, the expensive restaurant and the very expensive scarf. Are these expensive gifts the normal thing for your friend to give his friends, are you sure there is no ulterior motive?
Are you sure your friend is gay?
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