A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid;I was one of the most blessed people alive, I had everything, the family, the friends and a love story that blossomed since I was young, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and we went to collage together then got engaged and set a wedding date only to lose him couple of nights before the wedding in a horrible car crash, I was there with him in the car but nothing happened to me not even a scratch or a bruise but he suffered internal bleeding inside his brain(autopsy later on declared) and died almost instantly, I dragged him outside the car (the bitter memory of it wont go away still)and I hugged him lying on the street till he catch his last breath, he said I love you, that was his last words.No need to say what happened to me but to get you the picture, I ended up in the mental house suffering depression as I was considered dangerous on my self for trying to take my own life couple of times to go catch his light, I wanted to be with him !Years gone past, I got better, life goes on.I was never able to form relationships after him he was my 1st boyfriend and he was supposed to marry me and we were supposed to grow grey and die together, anyway, 5 years later I was really not hurting anymore but I was bitter person, sarcastic, the kind of the glass half empty person, I dont see light at the end of the tunnel and I defo lost all believes in god and in good nature or the beauty of the world, I was a shell of a human being with a very cruel heart, I was convinced love would not knock my door again and I had the perfect explanation, we as human have a capacity of love and I emptied all the love contained in my soul to the last drop of it to my 1st love witch left me empty unable to give love.I finally met a guy who interest me, as a friend. we were friends for over a year, I knew deep inside he loved me so much, I can feel it in his words, actions and the way he would go of his way to make me happy, and out of no where I suddenly got so attached to him, I loved seeing him and spending my time with him, we got together, we have been together as a couple for almost six month, everyone that knows me says to me that I must love him because my actions says so, I felt like I love him so much that he completely erased the horror of my 1st love death from me and healed me.....but thenI figured it all out, my subconscious was tricking me, fooling me, he was my best friend for over a year then we have been together for six month , how can I only realize the great assembling between him and my 1st boyfriend..This is creepy, they have the same birthday, I mean the dates are the same only the year is different they have the same height, they have the same hair color and type actually the hair is almost identical both of their eyes is the same, I got my old albums out when I had the hint of self deceiving thought and I put there picture next to each other, same eyes, exactly the same nose,actually they can go as brothers the only difference is that my current boyfriend have a darker skin tone than my 1st!Did I go all this years seeking a replacement to my 1st love??how can I find someone who looks and acts like him!!my 1st boyfriend had a habit, when he ever was upset he will come to my house and hug me then he will put his head on my chest or my stomach and he will deeply hug me like this for a long time..Guess what, a week ago, my current boyfriend had a fight with his best friend over something silly and he was very upset he came to me took me from my hand and we went to bed then he hugged me putting his head on my stomach and he deeply hugged me for about half an hour not moving at all, this is when it all came back to me and I started seeing the great similarities...Nw I dont know do I really love him or I alwaysed have been in love with my 1st boyfriend that I tricked my self into finding his look alike, act alike man in a sick try to get him back to life!!!!I do not know, what is your explanation to all what I just said ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Our heart is a wonderous thing it allows us to love more than one person, in many different ways.. I agree with honey pie, you have a set type, who you are attracted to..Don't let love escape you twice.. My heart reached out to you over what happened in the past and I can understand and empathise with the longing and missing of a loved one .. But please for the sake of your sanity and your life, don't live your life loving a ghost.. Your first love would want you to be happy, content, have laughter and love in your life and heart.. That doesn't mean you forget him, you light a candle on those special occasions say a pray of gratitude for all that he brought to your life, he helped mould the person you are, especially when you both met so young ...But you realised the person you were turning into was not the person you wanted to be.. So don't let that happen.. Let yourself be happy.. Maybe your scared that if you really love this guy somehow he too will get stolen away from you..Personally it is better to have loved and be loved than to have never have loved at all.. Basically it means life is a chance, a gamble, and honey it's better to gamble and be happy than to live life wishing and wondering over something that will never be.. You have a big heart, and it's okey to love this new guy too, doesn't make how you felt any less real than this.. So put the album away for now and concentrate on christmas and the new year.. Be thankful I think your first love is looking after you by sending you your new one... Take care. Merry crimbo when it comes
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I cannot imagine what you must have gone through. To have lost the person you were going to marry 2 days before your wedding...wow. I am sure he loved you very deeply and when you mentioned that he told you he loved you before taking his last breath, it brought tears to my eyes. Perhaps he knew he was going and wanted to say goodbye.Please realize that although this was so hard on you, we are all going to leave this world one day, so don't let that affect your faith. There are so many unfair things that happen in this world, and we cannot blame the divine for causing this. It just happens. Despite these similarities between your past boyfrind and your current one, it is ok to feel they are somewhat similar. You may just have a "type". If you feel you love him for who he is, rather than who he reminds you of, don't worry. I am sure your previous boyfriend would look down at you and smile and want you to move on with you life. He would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life. Take things slow, and what ever is meant to be will be. God bless you.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 First of all I'm not psychic, so I don't have the ability to seek answers, per se, from those who have passed. However, as I've gotten older, and have worked with a large number of individuals with lifes issues, I've found myself to be empathic, so I can sense positive and negative energy, and personalities. I've also done research on how behavioral characteristics can hold similarities from person to person, and I'm certified in neuro-linguistics. I wanted to begin with a little background because my answer encompuses both skills.
First, the day someone is born is important. Although a different year, birthdates hold certain traits that you'll find in all that are born on that particular date. This is where you get the likeness between the two. However, although they have many similarities, you need to comes to terms with that they are individually different. He is not your boyfriend who passed, and should not be looked at as being a replacement, but rather another opportunity to love and be loved.
Your "out of nowhere...", I sense that you were given an emotional shove, so to speak. As I said tho, I'm not psychic, so I can't say if it were God, your boyfriend who passed, or your guardian angle, only that there was an energy that wishes to see you smile and be happy that had a hand in the beginning of this friendship, turning relationship.
I feel tho that you still feel guilt with loving another, even after overcoming as much as you have. It's okay to love him, and focusing on his being an individual, instead of the similarities between he and the past will greatly enhance the love you two share. Whether or not there was divine guidance in bringing you two together, I guarantee the intent is not for you to continue the past or attach him to the past, but is rather intended to begin a new chapter in your life, with someone you love. You need to break the two appart, no matter how much they share, and treat him as an individual without judgment or comparisons.
I don't feel this is for you to replace your boyfriend, but is for you to have love in your life and to be complete with someone you can be complete with.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 While they have many similairties, they are most possitively different. Of course they might have some similarities, everyone does. Everyone can resemble someone else. But that does not mean they actually LOOK the same. I am sure your boyfriend and your past love do not really look the same, but can have some of the same features. However, having some resemblance does not mean you are fooling yourself, or that you're only with him because he resembles your past love. Even you yourself did not notice this resemblance until recently. What is happening now is that you are scared that your love for your boyfriend is not real, that he is only a replacement for your past love. But he is not, what you feel for your boyfriend is true, and they are feelings your boyfriend brings out of your heart. They are not past feelings for your past love.
The feelings you had for your past love are different than the feelings you now have for your boyfriend. Every person is loved in a different way. If you sit down, and think about your feelings for your past love, and then compare them to your feelings for your new boyfriend, you will see that they are different. It feels differently. And this is normal, and how it should be. They are different people, hence your love to them will be different. It is not one love being stronger, or better, or more true, than the other. They are simply different loves.
I think you worry that you've tricked yourself, because you are scared to hurt your new boyfriend. It is a big step for you to open up to someone again, to love again. And while you are scared to be hurt again, you deeply care for your boyfriend, and now you are worried about hurting him. You worry if you deserve him, if you can have him, because maybe you will just end up hurting him. That is my guess, and I guess that is why you now worry that your love for him is not real. You are testing yourself, testing your love for him, to see if it is real. But you do not need to test yourself. Just listen to your heart, and the answer is within yourself. Look at your feelings for your boyfriend, and compare them to the feelings you had for your past love. They will feel different.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Well part from the birthday, maybe the similarities are there because you have a "type" ?
My first BF and my now husband do look alike on many aspects down to quirky personality traits and hobbies. Which I have noticed over the years.
They are both the same height (which I do run down to total coincidence) both have blue eyes, both have an abundance of siblings.. I could go on. I guess my "type" includes being tall, blond/blue with a certain personality and sense of humor?
Certain quirks perhaps attracted me as well?
I would try and NOT read more into these gestures and similarities.
LOVE your now BF for WHO he is, not for who he reminds you off.
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