A
male
age
36-40,
*emises
writes:ModNote: some more graphic aspects removed so the question could be posted. Tuesday 4th of April 2012: i feel so sad, depressed, in pain, humiliated, stupid and frustrated. i never thought i will feel like this ever in my life. all this mixed bad emotions is crazy! Love crushes. why..am i so naive? Or maybe just sad and lonely? how did a good friendship end and not be a continuing love story for me? This is sooo painful. I first met this guy almost a year ago or less...never had anything towards him..he was just like any ordinary guy. i even found out that he was my neighbor later on. we never spoke or hangout,,It was just 'hi how are you today?Reply: I am good thanks. Until one day, i woke up in the morning after a long fun and drinking night with friends, and i found him sitting on the chair that is in front of my house talking on the phone. So i decided to go and say hi. we talked and talked for almost 3 hours, i realized how much fun and good guy he is, and so we became friends. Time passed by, and every weekend i have a small party in my house were we drink, get wasted and then make fun of each other. One day he decided to join us, so he got drunk and so did i, and then he asked me to dance with him!! a romantic dance!!!!! i was like hmmmmm ok let me indulge him. so we danced and then he hugged me and went away...and so every weekend the same hit happens again but in more gayish way, like a lot of touching, hugging, kissing in the cheeks and sometimes holding hands.Anyway, after a while i had a dream about him kissing me in the lips. i woke up and thats when i started having feelings for him. i never told him about it and then i started to care more about him. On monday 2nd of April he invited me to his place and we had some drinks. then we started sharing personal details about our lives and of course there were touching involved, i even played with his hair while he was talking. Nooooooooooow after this looooong introduction. On the 3rd of April which the next day. he also invited me to his place but this time there were a lot of drinking involved. so i started drinking until i got drunk but he was only tipsy. Thats when my inner feelings came out...(by the way the light was off) and his laptop was in front of us we were watching a movie and then played some songs. then i started getting closer to him and put my head on his shoulder...he didnt mind... then my head went to his chest and his arms around me...he didnt mind....then i started playing with my hand on his chest and my face got sooo close to his face i was hearing his heart like a drum....he didnt mind... then my elbow went slightly down..he didnt mind... then i started kissing him from the neck up to the lips...he didnt mind... then i turned my whole body towards him and lots of kissing and me touching. after that the song ended, so he pushed me and said let me reply the song i like it, i stood up and hold his hand and told him lets go to the bed room he said ok , but instead we started kissing and ....he didnt mind.... .........NOW listen to this: Then he stopped me and he pushed me and left me on the floor then he left the house!!!! i called him but no answer so i txt him where are you, he said am out take it easy and go to sleep. i said nooooo come back this is not how it supposed to be we need to talk. (cause i thought it was ok with him) he text me saying see you tomorrow!!!! i said hell no am waiting here, after 2 hours he came back and said hi hows it going!!!! i was like what?!!! anyway we talked and he said i have nothing to say to u but: AM NOT GAY! if u r then am ok with it, and what we did is wrong and we shouldint talk about it. i was thinking: hmmmmmmm what does that make me feel?? all the signals i picked up during the weekends, all the gayish talk jokes and touches and even all the time i was kissing him touching ... and 'he didnt mind'' What am i suppose to feel??? so before i left he said: our friendship is not going to be the same again, meaning no going to the gym together or txt u or weekends. so i said does that mean we are no longer friends? he said no we still are but with less interactions. Oh my god, i ruined everything my friend now hates me. was it my fault? did i misunderstood what happened? is he going to talk to me again? what am i supppose to feel about this??? i have all mixed up emotions that i dont get? and the most i feel is Pain pain pain all over my heart and i barely can get air into my chest.... please help me. any advice to get me out of this crappy feeling. its been only a day now. btw we r not teenagers am 24 he is 23.
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crush, depressed, drunk, flirt, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Hi might 'come back' to you. Just be patient and open with him. Sounds like he's bi or even gay and just hasn't come to grips with it yet. Be there for him. You might not end up 'together' but you might end up as really good friends.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2012):
 He is curious, not gay. I think for him it was a kind of game - he played "Chicken" and well he ended up being the chicken, he bolted.
So now you know, he isn't gay, but he likes you and likes to hang out with you, but sex is out of the question.
Just relax, let him chill a little. And you didn't RUIN a friendship, he was helping you right along. He could have been up front a long time ago, but he liked to "flirt" with his curiosity.
Shit happens and we move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): First of all never take behavior like this personally. You have nothing to do witth his reaction. Now you are being manipulated by his decisions about how you are going to go about your friendship. Personally after reading your story I would stay away from a person like that. Unpredictable behavior, very little explanation, weird assumptions about you relationship. I read trouble here. How do you know may be he is not mentally stable, may be he has a tiny penis that he is ashamed of, may be he is not very experienced in sex and shy about it, it's a lot of may be's.
But a wrong thing for you to do take it all on your account.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 April 2012):
It sounds like he may be bi curious or simply in denial about his sexuality.
The way it seems to me is that he was ok with one stage but then panicked or got freaked out - perhaps he's just not ready.
Give him a little space and time to reflect but let it be known you are there for him if he wants to talk/hang out.
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