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age
30-35,
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writes: I’m a young man and I’ve trouble with a friend. I’m very outgoing person, I like to try new things and everything new. My friend is gay and although I’m straight, I thought that I’m living only once and decided I want to try something with another man. I told my friend about this, he accepted. So we had a little affair. First it was very strange, but later became better and better, especially sex. It continued for some time and then I realized that that’s enough, I have to go back to women. I told my friend that everything is over and suddenly he was like – are you leaving me? He seemed so surprised that I’ve ended it, we even started to argue. He said that I’ve been playing with him all this time and that I cannot just leave him like that. I don’t understand what is he so stressed about. He knew that all this gay thing will be just a moment of fun. He knew it. I warned him that I just want to try and he agreed. I never promised him anything. I’m not queer, all this thing with him was just an experiment. What is he waiting for now – a proposal and a group of kids? How can I explain to him that there will never be nothing serious between us?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): First off: you shouldn't have experimented with your friend. Ok, maybe the one time might have been fine...but to continue? It honestly kind of sounds like you were just using him for sex. In which case if you were, your a total ^^^^e and shame on you , so apologize your heart out. IF that wasnt the case, you should have been more responsible and checked in on how he was feeling. Yes it was an experiment, but your dealing with a person and not a lab rat. Hopefully though, both of you can look back at this as a learning experience, in wich both parties learned a valuable life lesson
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Well... try to see it like this.
What if he was a WOMAN... and you two were fooling around for a while. She develops feelings for you, not intentionally - but still, and then you 'breakup' with her to go out with some other woman. How do you expect her to feel???
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 although he agreed.he probably feel used.then fell for you during the whole experiment.so give him time.he might just get used to the idea of you not into anything serious
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): You were honest with him from the start if he didn't believe you then that's his problem not yours. If you told him from the outset that it was just a bit of fun then that's how he should have seen it. Well done for being brutally honest with him mate.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I'm sure he's not expecting a proposal and children ... just a modicum of respect.
You can't blame him for getting attached to you. It's what happens after intimacy (for some more than others, as in this case).
A "moment of fun" (your words) "continued for quite some time" (your words). Which was it?
Honestly, I'm not surprised he's upset. He probably feels totally used and confused about your moment of fun continuing for quite some time.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but you clearly hurt him and there is no point shifting the blame on to him or even trying to explain it further to him; you can't undo the hurt he feels.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Just how long were you two hooking up before you called it off? That matters a great deal. If it was for months and months, then yeah, dude, you totally led this guy on. If it were a week or two - a month max, then that's not too bad. I understand you may have been very straight forward with him about what you wanted, but unfortunately, he must have convinced himself that as time went on, you really had developed feelings for him. That you were continuing to hook up with him, so you must like him. So he probably started to convince himself that there was something there between you two when there wasn't. Unfortunately, the heart wants what the heart wants, and rational or not, this guy developed feelings for you during this span of time, no matter how blunt and honest you were about your intentions. and now he's hurt. I would just give it a little bit of time and space. Let him know you still really care about him as a friend and that you'd hate to lose him. Remind him of the fact that you told him you were only looking for an experiment, not a boyfriend, and you never meant to hurt him. And then wait and see if he eventually comes back around. Good luck, man.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Well, how would you feel if a girl wanted to "have fun" with you and then left you for a woman?
Experimenting with finding your sexuality is not a bad thing, but HOW you go about it an be.
My guess is, this guy developed feelings for you either before or during the "fling" and thought you liked him back, not like used him as a plaything/sex toy. No one really likes to get used.
I also don't think you can just switch your sexuality like you can a T-shirt or socks.
Why exactly did you decide that you "had" to get back to women? Are you afraid that because you have been enjoying the sex you might be gay? It's not like most people PICK which side of the fence they are on. You, most likely are bi-sexual, no matter how much you want to deny it.
I'm guessing he not only feels used, but discarded - both as a friend and now lover.
Why not just tell him that you can't continue because you don't feel the same way about him as he does about you. He "chose" not to hear the "casual F-buddy" thing you offered in hopes (I'm guessing) of it turning into more. He was wrong.
It's a gamble when you have sex with others. Some people (apparently not you) BOND over/during sex. He obviously did.
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (24 January 2013):
Hey man,Your friend probably thought at the start that you were just trying it out and had decided you were gay and wanted him. Did you kiss him while you were fooling around etc? I know you were clear with him at the start but unfortunately your friends with benefits started to develop feelings for you and probably lashed out because he realised how much you meant to him. Thing is sometimes we don't realise how much we want someone until we start to loose them. This is why you should never cross the friendship line if you know what I mean. Give him some space like a month or so and he will hopefully move on and find another man and forgive you. If you feel like this again, i'd suggest meeting a random online. Hope it works out in the end though.
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