A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here it is I have been married for three years, and have a 3yr old son. Im gay but my wife thinks im bi, she tells me i can look at guys but can't touch. To top it all off I have a boyfriend who only wants to be with me if im not married. I feel stuck in this relationship bc of my son. Someone plz help me Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): Your such a selfish person to have done this to ur wife. I think you both should go to counseling to make sure that ur gay and want to end this relationship or as ur wife put it, bicurious
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (7 September 2011):
 I can see how this happened. MANY gays, especially if you're from a conservative/religious background, try to straighten themselves out by getting married, having kids, etc.
You are at a critical point here. Basically, you need to tell your wife that you've basically come to the realization that you are indeed GAY and not BI. Make sure she knows that you still love her in a way but just not the way that is fair... especially to her. If you can/want to still maintain a relationship with your son you'll have to work it out between the two (and eventually three [you, her and him]). But seriously... for all parties involved... you need to cut the strings sooner... rather than later. Staying in the relationship only complicates things further.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Why did u marry her, have sex with her, had a baby with her and keep lying about your true status: u are a closet gay having sex with another man. Unprotected? Have u not thought about AIDS and STDs.Personally i dont fell sorry for u.u lied to your wife and u have now endangered her lifemYour kid and your wife are the only victims in this sorry mess. What/how do u explain your behaviour to your kid?There is nothing wrong about being gay BUT when a person deliberately marries another, has a kid and a same sex lover, it boils down to utter selfishness and is just plain cruel . Now your wife has to fend for herself and the kid?I suggest u do what the other Aunts have suggested: get a divorce.Oh and quit cheating with your lover while still with your wife.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Aunty Monica  +, writes (6 September 2011):
Just leave. Nothing good will come out of your staying married. You owe it to yourself to be happy and give your wife and child a chance to be too even if it's without you.
It's easy to deduce from your tone that you'd rather be with your boyfriend, so do everyone a favour and move on
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson  +, writes (6 September 2011):
You should leave your wife. You are not helping anyone by staying in the relationship and you should be true to yourself. The parents of someone I know divorced. They stayed in the marriage for longer than they wanted for the sake of the children but truth be told this person I know was happier when they were divorced because of the environment they had created leading up to the divorce.It will be possible for you to maintain a good presence in your sons life if you get divorced you will just have to work harder at it than you would now.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 It's not all about you.
Think about how stuck and deceived your wife is being married to a man that does not love her, does not desire her and does not respect her enough to tell her the truth ( I suppose she must have grounds to think you are bi- I guess you still have been having sex with her for the past 3 years , otherwise if you hadn't touched her in 3 years she would have figured out how things are ).
This is downright cruel , something one would not do to his worst enemy, how can you do it to the mother of your child.
And all because you don't want to be deprived of the pleasure of daily contact with your kid. Very selfish. Maybe you think in good faith that you are doing it in your child's interest - to grant him the constant presence of a good dad.
It would be interesting in a few years from now , when your kid will be older and will get wind of, or figure by
himself, what has been going on, to know if he thinks that a cheating, deceptive dad who's been making a fool of everybody is such a great parental figure.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Well you should forgive your wife for thinking you are bi - after all you have had sex with her (hence your son) and you married her - that all screams that you are at least bi-sexual because you are married to a woman and having sex with her! Dont be so hard on her, if you really are gay but married her and have sex with her then it is your own fault for misleading her completely. She sees a man who claims to be gay but married a woman and has sex with a woman, therefore she wont be able to accept that you are gay.
Why did you marry her in the first place? What were you thinking, hurting the poor girl like that? You have been very cruel, regardless of your son obviously your wife loves you and wants to be with you, you should have been honest from the start and never hidden your true self from her.
All you can do now is get a divorce - you are never going to be happy in this marriage, and it is not fair on your wife that you are cheating on her with a man. Yes you want to be around for your child, but you can still get access to him and see him often even if you are separated. It will be worse for your son if you stay with his mother - he will grow up with unhappy parents who fight a lot, and dad is behaving funny, seeing another man more than he sees his mum - it will be very hard for your son to understand the situation and it will affect him massively. Your son needs a good role model - someone who is comfortable in their own skin, someone who can be themselves rather than hiding their true self. He also needs a good idea of what a relationship should be - not some sham of a marriage like you have now.
So the best thing you can do for your son and you is to end the marriage, yes it will be hard and it will be messy, but it is the right thing to do.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Why on earth did you marry a woman and have a child with her, if you are gay?
The right thing to do now would be to leave your wife and work hard at keeping a good civil relationship with her so you can regularly see your son, and to give your wife a chance to find someone who truly loves her. Then you can be who you really are and have a boyfriend and not feel trapped.
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