A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.I'm a guy that is 17-years-old and I'm gay. I already came out to my friends and family and luckily, everyone accepts me and respects me. However, I have issues with approaching other gay guys. I suppose it's because I'm afraid of the gay community, but it's not because I'm ashamed or because I don't want to be associated with them. In fact, I'm afraid of being criticized by them. You know, the gay community as a whole fight for freedom and equal rights but within each other they are very judgmental. There are so countless cliques, such as the feminine men, the masculine men, the drag queens, the twinks, the leather queens, the bears, and so on. I grew up being prejudiced and segregated because I was different than the majority. I just don't want to enter a community where they preach about love and acceptance, but it's completely hypocritical. Now, where am I going with this? Well, sometimes I wonder if I will ever find someone to share my life with. I don't care if you wear make-up, if you're hairy, if you're skinny, or if you're muscular. I totally comprehend that physical attraction is relevant, but it's not the whole package. It's hard to find someone with that mindset, especially with the LGBT community, due to the reason that it's very superficial and cliquish. I don't know what to do. I'm honestly just afraid of rejection. Perhaps I should embrace my solitude. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, hugs  +, writes (7 June 2012):
As a gay 21 year old I sympathise. I was in your shoes. But you have to have faith. Worrying about being alone for the rest of your life will get you nowhere. You never know what's round the bend. Just don't hide from yourself or from others, and the right person will come to you, or you will go to them.
*hug* from me
Don't worry about a thing.
A
male
reader, StevenRoss +, writes (7 June 2012):
Hey,
You sound like me at 17, I'd recently 'come-out' and was thrown into the gay-scene, which I didn't feel comfortable in. No one seemed to represent me!
I'm now 24, I work closely with the LGBT community, working predominantly with young LGBT people. Through this work, I have recently found my place in the community. I'm working with the most amazing, talented, creative and inspiring people.
Like you I'm not prejudice toward any group within in the community, I just couldn't find people who were like me, shared my thoughts and beliefs etc.
But, now I have and life is great.
I still haven't found a boyfriend (since my ex, 2years ago), but I'm making brilliant friends and I know that I will meet someone eventually.
Just be patient, I know it's difficult. But, you will find your feet and there are people like you out there. Remember, it can be really fun finding those people and feel lucky because of it!
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I think we're all terrified at first. You'll get used to it. And trust me, no matter where you go or who you hang out with SOMEONE will always be judging you... What you wear, who you're with, what you're wearing, etc. you just have to learn how to how to ignore them & or get even with some really good comeback lines.
Just find some friends that you can go to the bars/clubs with... Hang out with them... Ignore the others that you can tell are judging you... Until you find someone you find attractive (both physically & emotionally).
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (2 June 2012):
You are seriously overthinking this. Seriously.
You are 17. You have all kinds of things going on in your life. Sexual politics, the kind you describe, should be the very least of your worries. You need to finish high school, get accepted to university, whatever. You will get on with your life, take courses, do an apprenticeship, whatever. While getting on with your life you will meet people who are getting on with their lives, and at some point you'll meet someone who you're interested in having a relationship with. It doesn't matter whether they're a bear or a twink or any other label you are seeing the world through. It will be someone you develop a relationship with. When you make that connection all will be well. Chill, for goodness sake!
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