If she does not like me why the friend request?
Q. hi aunts advice needed, I work at a warehouse processing materials for shirts and badges for football teams. there is a female at work who doesn’t seem to like me, either because I’m ugly or get on her nerves. I normally don’t do social media, b...
A. 29 December 2021: Speaking from experience, I know how easy it is to accidentally press the friend request button when snooping on someone's page. Not everyone knows you can cancel the friend request afterwards.
In your shoes I would have ignored the request ... (read in full...)
Guilt over avoiding depressed people
Q. Dear Agony Aunts/uncles, forgive me if I seem judgemental. I grew up with a depressed mother and a father who was avoidant and often would ignore my mother's contacts and according to her had some affairs. This would make her an anxious mess. We as ...
A. 25 December 2021: Your post rang so many bells with me, it could have been me writing it. I 100% understand what you mean and where you are coming from. You have put into words what I have been feeling for years.
Over the years, I have come to realize, and acce... (read in full...)
Do I have a valid reason to be upset with him?
Q. I started a LDR with a filipino man last year in September and we talk everyday and check up on each other, spend good time together. I came up with the idea to send our own cultural foods to each other. So he agreed, and I asked whether he was able ...
A. 25 December 2021: The problem with long distance relationships is that people can be very selective in what they reveal about themselves. That said, he has already revealed traits which disappoint you.
You KNOW this is not a "real" relationship. You are only in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I haven't spoken in two weeks
Q. I have been with my partner over four years though we have had many ups and downs, primarily because I feel he doesn't want commitment. He says he is committed to me, wants no one else yet he doesn't want marriage and evades the topic of moving in ...
A. 24 December 2021: You need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you. It sounds very much like it could be.
From your post it sounds like your boyfriend is happy with you as long as you don't demand anything "permanent" from him. As soon as you start ma... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to see my boyfriend as a free loader
Q. Free rider? My boyfriend of 8 months now seems like a free rider..tell me.if am mistaken I didn't notice anything until it was time to go on vacation. We went to Cancun and all but 500$ was paid with my points all inclusive. 500$ went on my credi...
A. 20 December 2021: It has only taken him 8 months to show his true self. He has money to go out with his friends and to spend on a new phone but not to pay you back? He is showing you - loud and clear - that you are not a priority to him. Treat him the same way and ... (read in full...)
Are things serious?
Q. My girlfriend kissed me in the cheek for the first time, and in school! Does this mean things got more serious?...
A. 20 December 2021: I guess that depends on what you mean by "more serious". More serious than what? Not kissing you on the cheek?
A kiss on the cheek is a sign of affection. Return the affection by kissing her on the cheek too (if you genuinely feel affectio... (read in full...)
Is this the end of Dear Cupid?
Q. Is this site reaching the end of its life? Not to say that I want it to be but are we actually providing a genuine service to anybody any more? Back in the "good old days" we'd have a couple of hundred questions posted every month. Now we do...
A. 20 December 2021: I've not been on this site as long as some, but I too have noticed a decline in the quality of the posts. And, like you, I also miss CindyCares.
I find it sad that there are often no new posts for days on end. I realize approving posts is down ... (read in full...)
How do I handle my controlling sister in law without damaging relationships?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost seven years and together for almost 11. I've always had a good relationship with my in-laws...BUT. I have also always felt like I've had to tiptoe around his only sibling (a sister who is a year older ...
A. 19 December 2021: I was reading your post and searching for your sister-in-law's unacceptable behaviour. I am still searching. I did, however, find a few instances of YOUR behaviour falling far short of being "good".
I wonder, is there something else going on... (read in full...)
I feel used by my mother
Q. I left an abusive relationship a few years ago. I had to return my car because I couldn’t afford it. My mother gave away my dog while I was at work starting a new job. She claimed the dog tried to bite her. I had the dog for 6 years and she never ...
A. 16 December 2021: Sweetheart, nobody can make you feel guilty without your permission. Stop giving your mother permission to make you feel guilty - about ANYTHING.
You know you are a good person. You know you have treated your mother well. You know the way your... (read in full...)
I want to attend the winter dance with my crush
Q. I really like this guy at my school and want to go to the winter dance with this guy. He means a lot to me and so I really want to go this dance together and take our relationship to the next level. he is a really nice guy that i've been flirting...
A. 15 December 2021: Why be subtle. Fortune favours the brave. Be brave.
In a jokey way, say something like: "Heh, here's a thought: why don't you take me to the Winter dance?"
Good luck. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't enough for me anymore
Q. My boyfriend is not enough for me anymore. I have always thought it wouldn’t matter that he’s short, cause he was in shape. Then, he got fat. Refuses to work out which I do. We don’t even look like a couple. Then he got grumpy. Is in weird angry ...
A. 15 December 2021: If your ex was so great, why are you not still with him? Our ex's are usually in the past for good reason and, with few exceptions, should be left there. You wouldn't re-read a book and expect a different ending, so why would you revisit a ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my sister
Q. Hi, please can I get advise, first no I’m not a troll, I’m genuinely after advise so if your not going to take me serious then don’t comment! I’m 33yo and I’m in love with my 38yo sister and have been for about 18 years, I’ve had serious relation...
A. 13 December 2021: I find it slightly odd that you state you are in love with your sister but the only reason you give for this is that she is "absolutely gorgeous" and that you find her "highly attractive". If you had said she is a good person, a kind person, an ... (read in full...)
I have fallen out of love with a good man
Q. This is hard to write about but I’m feeling incredibly conflicted on what to do and need advice. I’ve been married for 8 years (together for 12) and I’m no longer happy, I have fallen out of love with him. I feel we have grown apart and I...
A. 12 December 2021: Before you do anything final that you may regret, make sure you explore all avenues of help, like marriage counselling. Your husband sounds like a one in a million guy. He obviously loves you deeply and has proved himself over and over to be a solid ... (read in full...)
Can I get a date on facebook?
Q. To sum up briefly, about 3 years ago we met about 10 times as she was serving me at the postal service, we don't know each other, I think she was interested in me at the time but nothing happened, the only chance to meet her is to contact her on ...
A. 12 December 2021: Personally, as a female, I would find this sort of approach a bit "heavy" and creepy, especially if you misread the signals and she actually ISN'T interested in you.
May I suggest something along the lines of "Hi Natalie. Remember me? I met you ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex make everything so difficult ?
Q. I’m trying to make the best of things after splitting with my ex but she keeps making everything so difficult. I don’t understand what her problem is. We have a 15-month old son together so obviously need to stay in each other’s lives because ...
A. 11 December 2021: Your ex is acting up because she had a future mapped out in her mind which included you. Suddenly that was all ripped out from under her feet. She is hurting (and probably feeling lost, alone and vulnerable).
In an ideal world, children would on... (read in full...)
Why did I give in this time to his media request?
Q. Hi all, I need to vent about this. I had a secret “boyfriend” when I was young. He was my first everything. I’ll call him John. This was many years ago. I was 13, he was 17. I explored why in my 20s in therapy. My mother was an abusive person a...
A. 9 December 2021: On reading your post, my gut instinct was that these two things are related:
"I reminded him he had turned 18 and continued to seek me out which is illegal."
"He insisted we take some photos together and he said I’m putting my favorite one on ... (read in full...)
Do I just walk away?
Q. I’m feeling really undecided right now. I’m coming up to my 30th birthday. I have a good job, good friends and family. I have met an older man, 16 year age difference. He has a daughter 18 and a son 12 to one woman. No problems there. He has a 10 ...
A. 7 December 2021: You're 6 months into this relationship and already you feel like "walking away from it all". How will hanging in there make things any better? You are supposed to be in the "honeymoon" period of your relationship, the time when both parties pull out ... (read in full...)
I'm married and want to have sex with a man I work with
Q. I am married to wonderful man. We are white with two sons. Recently I have become infatuated with a black man at work. He is a polite and gentlemanly. I find myself thinking and fantasizeing about having sex with him. Is it wrong to have a ...
A. 7 December 2021: Really? The fact it would be inter-racial is what stands out for you? Not the fact you want to throw yourself at another man when you are married to - in your own words - "a wonderful man"? If he's so wonderful, perhaps the best thing you can do is ... (read in full...)
Is my husband playing me?
Q. Hello So, my husband and have been married approximately 4 years. He is from a different country, and we have been living apart until his visa gets approved. I don't believe it will happen because he can not even get a visiting visa (he is alwa...
A. 4 December 2021: Sweetheart, you already know the answer to your question. You are just looking for confirmation from others. Trust your own instincts. You know there is no future in this relationship. Why prolong the agony (and the expense)?
... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just controlling or is he mentally ill?
Q. Hi friends. This topic is a hard one to discuss and I hope you can all help me. I'm at a desperate point in my life now where I need answers or some advice on which way to go next. Please don't see me as weak in anyway because I am not. I've been ...
A. 4 December 2021: So basically, as I understand your post, neither of you are happy with what you have in each other, but you are adamant to stay together. I have to ask, WHY?
Sweetheart, you can't change someone unless they are in nappies (and that is a very dif... (read in full...)
What is the big deal with losing your virginity at 16?
Q. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few weeks ago and I feel like my Mum and Dad are ashamed of me because of it. But I don’t understand why though. I really don’t see why it’s a big deal. I’ve been with my boyfriend since June, which I know isn’t ...
A. 4 December 2021: When you have a 16 year old daughter of your own, you will understand your parents' attitude. Until then, there is little point in trying to tell you anything because, at your age, you think you have it all figured out.
Stay safe.
... (read in full...)
Is my fiances best friend gay? Bisexual?
Q. I've been with my fiance for 5 years, but we've only been engaged for 2 years now, the wedding delayed due to COVID-19, lockdowns and social distancing, we were meant to have 150 people at our wedding. However, it's not our wedding that's t...
A. 1 December 2021: I'm not sure why there is a need to "label" your fiance's friend. His sexuality is irrelevant here. What is important is that he is making demands on your fiance/his friend which are making both your fiance and you uncomfortable.
Your fiance h... (read in full...)
Is 6 months after a divorce too early to date?
Q. I met this guy from my softball team about six months ago, that's right around the time he got divorced. He's 15 years older than me and has been with his ex wife for about 20 years, they share children but they are fully grown and do not live in ...
A. 29 November 2021: Like the other aunt and uncle have already said, he probably "checked out" of the marriage a while before the divorce. Quite often (especially in the case of long running marriages), the parties involved have moved on emotionally well before the ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex with a married man to get a baby?
Q. Dear Cupid, Am I wrong to have sex with a married man just to have a child? I am 41 years old and disabled, religious and quite successful in my career. I have met wonderful people during the course of my career, however, my love has never been r...
A. 28 November 2021: Come on, get real. Why would this sleaze ball introduce you to his parents, ESPECIALLY if you are pregnant with his child? He is a married man. For all you know, he could have had a vasectomy and just be leading you to to get sex. Also, there is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves drugs and alcohol
Q. My bf is madly inlove with alcohol and also,takes drugs but at minimal Ive tried talking sense into him He doesn`t care!...
A. 28 November 2021: And there you have your answer: "he DOESN'T CARE".
An addict of any sort - whether it's alcohol, drugs, gambling - will put their addiction before anything and everyone else.
He's not making you any false promises. He's made it clear he DOES... (read in full...)
Does my wife secretly hate me?
Q. I caught my wife spitting in my food the other night. She’s been in a constant mood with me for months on end and I can’t deal with it. I’m fed up of treading on eggshells around her all the time. The problem is she won’t ever admit anything i...
A. 27 November 2021: She sounds completely stressed. Someone who is stressed will get upset by minor things because, to them, in that moment, it is the proverbial "straw which breaks the camel's back". For instance, you not putting the containers back in the cupboard ... (read in full...)
I thought my husband was having an affair. He was sneaking out to eat fast food
Q. My question is basically "Was I so wrong to be this concerned?" Been married for 13 years; we married after 2.5 years of dating, married mid-2008. From mid-August to last month, I suspected my husband was having an affair, he'd always go out in...
A. 27 November 2021: A few things spring to mind here:
Is it possible your husband realized he was being followed and decided to have a bit of a laugh by letting the PI follow him around and watch him eating food in his car?
Is this his way of regaining some "... (read in full...)
Am I right to dump her now that she is in prison?
Q. My girlfriend has been sent to prison for the next couple of years at least and I don’t know whether or not to just throw in the towel on our relationship. I really don't think I can wait for her. Plus I’ve really started developing feelings for one ...
A. 26 November 2021: What's your alternative? Stay with the girlfriend while bonking the FWB? You KNOW something is going to happen there. Regardless of how you define the relationship (FWB or girlfriend/lover), you will still be cheating on your girlfriend. You don't ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am losing a good friend and don't know what to do
Q. Hi I'm wondering how grief can affect your thinking and maybe make you lose perspective. My friend recently lost a close relative.. Since then he doesn't seem to care about our friendship, starting telling me lies, going to night clubs and gettin...
A. 22 November 2021: It's great that you care so much for your friend but you can't live his life for him. He has to make his own choices and his own mistakes (if, indeed, they end up as such). He is hurting at present and this is his way of blanking out the pain.
... (read in full...)
My husbands children are rude and mean
Q. I live with my husband My son whose 14 and my husband son who is 12.... my son is severely disabled... My husband has older children in their 20s and they are always crude when we see them we carnt do right for wrong the last meeting we took the...
A. 22 November 2021: What the actual hell is going on here? Children behaving in this way would be bad enough, but adults? That is just inexcusable.
I have to agree with Honeypie; your priority needs to be the younger children. Let your husband go and see his incr... (read in full...)
Do I delete her on facebook?
Q. Hi aunts need your help with this one as it’s a strange situation to find myself in. so recently I bumped into a female from school who I’d known and she used to have this crush on me or so she says. we never got together at school, as I did...
A. 21 November 2021: I think you are overthinking this. So you sent her a message and she didn't reply? People have lives. Have you never read a message from someone, thought "I'll reply to that later, when I have time" and then forgotten about it? I know for a fact ... (read in full...)
Does God notify all women that I am gay
Q. I asked a friend from school who I’ve know for many years about a lad who was really strange and asked what his name was, as I remember certain things. he didn’t seem to know if he was gay or not and he can’t think why he came to mine or what the ...
A. 19 November 2021: Ha ha, you really CANNOT be serious!
Of course "God" doesn't notify women of whether you are gay or not. Instead he puts a flashing sign on your forehead which flashed up "I am gay" whenever any woman shows any interest in you.
... (read in full...)
Soap star won't acknowledge Facebook message
Q. I’m friends with a soap star on facebook, I sent her a friend request as a joke and it backfired on me as she accepted the request. I’ve tried to talk to her a few times. she doesn’t seem to respond and only sees messages I send and doesn’t reply. ...
A. 19 November 2021: Well, at least I had something to chuckle at over breakfast this morning.
You need to educate yourself on how social media works. This soap star is not on Facebook to make friends or to chat to people. She's there to raise her public profile.... (read in full...)
How to deal with uncomfortable personal questions at work?
Q. I am asking for further guidance on a work related situ. I am a 30 year old female who has recently started a new job in the health service, I have an approachable management team. I am saving up to move out of parents household and I desire t...
A. 15 November 2021: I think you are making a huge mountain out of a tiny molehill here. Just because someone asks you a question, does not mean you have to answer it or disclose any information.
I find the best way to avoid intrusive and/or unwanted question... (read in full...)
How can I tell if a married man has feelings foe me?
Q. dear cupid, How can I tell if a married man has feelings for me or is just being kind and caring to a lonely, single, bereaved woman? We started chatting a year ago and are the same age. He "tested the waters" with me and I said no because ...
A. 15 November 2021: While you are dabbling with this married guy, you are not emotionally free to move on with your life. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that there is no future in this relationship, the sooner you can start to heal from it and move on. His ... (read in full...)
I am ashamed to admit that I am in an abusive relationship
Q. I'm ashamed to be in an abusive relationship. It's less the abuse and more keeping the secret that is killing me slowly. I feel that even if I managed to make up my mind and leave, I would wilt under the reactions of my family. For the past couple ...
A. 15 November 2021: The worst prisons are the ones we build for ourselves by worrying about what others think of us. You can't stay in an abusive relationship just because someone may think badly of you for walking way. Saving face cannot be more important than your ... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship but interested in someone else for quite a while. What do I do?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, however 3 years ago I signed up to some dating sites and on one I met this woman who lives near by, we talked a bit - obviously me hiding my relationship, and actually met a few times. There was a real ...
A. 12 November 2021: How about you ask the woman who thinks she has been in a relationship with you for the past seven years what SHE thinks you should do? If she has a shred of dignity, she will take the decision out of your hands and dump your cheating using ass.
... (read in full...)
I want to meet the guy who saved my life
Q. I really want to meet up with the guy who saved my life last year but he’s really reluctant and I don’t know why. Is he just shy? Most of all I just want to say thank you to him in person but I have to confess I do have more intentions as well, ...
A. 11 November 2021: You are in danger of becoming a stalker. This man saved your life, politely declined your offer to meet and yet you continue to pursue him. If it was the other way round, and it was a female being pursued, people would be telling the guy to back ... (read in full...)
He only asked if I wanted a drink but I was horrible to him
Q. I feel really guilty because I was pretty horrible to a guy who gets the same bus as me every day after work. I’d gotten the feeling that he liked me as he’d give me all these glances as we stood at opposite ends of the bus stop each time and then ...
A. 11 November 2021: Yes, you absolutely should apologise for being a complete bitch to him. Regardless of how you were feeling, it was no excuse to take it out on him.
Assuming he doesn't try to avoid you by going to a different bus stop or even taking a differen... (read in full...)
Partner spends all his money then gets nasty if I don't give him money
Q. my partner spends half or more of his money every payday on weed and takeaways then he runs out of money and has nothing to eat. when he runs out of money he is horrible to me he expects money from me to eat when im struggling on my own paying for ...
A. 8 November 2021: If your partner is violent, get advice and help from Refuge, who support victims of domestic abuse. They will be able to help you get out and find somewhere to live.
Alternatively, try to find a room in a shared house or similar, which will be ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is immature and its annoying
Q. Hi My girlfriend seems immature. We have been chatting for about 6 months and have decided to meet. She hangs on to every word I say and I dislike that very much. Seems everything needs to go her way. For example, we talk on the phone I suggest ...
A. 7 November 2021: Any advice? Yes, call off the meeting, thank her for her time and move on.
Even without meeting, you both have aspects of this ersatz relationship which frustrate and annoy you. Why try to force a square peg into a round hole? It will never fi... (read in full...)
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