My boyfriend is unmotivated
Q. I am 32, I have been with my boyfriend for coming up to 3 years, he is 36. I have my own house/mortgage, he lives with his parents but had previously been living in NZ (Came back coz his mum is ill). Although we'd not been dating long he moved in...
A. 2 October 2022: I'm intrigued that you casually mention, at the very end of a lengthy and detailed post, almost as an afterthought, "I do feel we got a lot of good stuff going going for us", yet don't mention ANYTHING good about your relationship in your post while ... (read in full...)
Big question how to get over someone
Q. How do you get over someone? So I’m not even allowed to be sad as we were never official but for past 4yrs I’ve been sleeping with this guy (yes judge me) I was lonely and it became a regular thing dinner and drinks staying over one or two times...
A. 24 September 2022: Of course you are "allowed" to be sad. We are ALL allowed to be sad, regardless of the reason. What is NOT allowed is to STAY sad. Sad is a temporary break, while you gather your strength and are once again ready to face the world.
Unreq... (read in full...)
How do I make my boyfriend calm down?
Q. This is about my boyfriend Cameron who is a good person but keeps annoying me. He said he understands I do not want to have sex and he said he will be a virgin with me and not put any pressure on me to have sex. He says the right things but his ...
A. 24 September 2022: Oh dear. Seriously OP? In this day and age of instant access to all information, you choose to be this ignorant? Poor Cameron.
Assuming Cameron is of a similar age to you, he is displaying EXTREME self control, way beyond what would normally... (read in full...)
Why texting every once in awhile
Q. My ex-fwb got distant after I confessed that I had strong feelings for him. He said he didn’t and does not want anything serious. I said that’s fine. I accepted it and didn’t push him to start anything with me. I started moving on with my life and ...
A. 23 September 2022: He's doing this to you because, while he doesn't actually want you, he doesn't want you to replace him with someone else. Popping up occasionally keeps him on your radar and prevents you from moving on. He's keeping you on the back burner as a plan ... (read in full...)
The sex used to be incredible but now I have lost interest. Can I ever get it back?
Q. I had an affair with a married man. He left his wife and now we are married. We have been married for 2 years. The problem is that I feel I need to keep being a mistress to this man. It feels like if I get too real or drop the ball sexually, h...
A. 21 September 2022: Oh dear. Do you hear that sound? That's the sound of your chickens coming home to roost.
One of the main differences between most men and women is that men need sex to feel loved whereas women need to feel loved to want sex. You no longer f... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cant stay hard
Q. Hi, new here so thanks in advance. Been with BF 15mths and he reckons to love me.kind , generous but proper sex does not happen and why am I asking cos really I'm sure the problem is Stella Artois!! However he hardly snogs me now and and I rarely ...
A. 19 September 2022: Oh dear, where to start?
- His inability to get an erection is not about YOU or how attractive you may/may not be. Stop making it about you. That is not helpful.
- His inability to get an erection does not automatically mean he is gay. Of cour... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend buy sexy clothes
Q. Im dating my ex who I broke up from for one year break. Things are going great. One concern is that she has ordered sexy clothes, with mask, gloves. As if it’s a fancy dress full costume for party. I only know this because I got a notification from ...
A. 17 September 2022: Wow! Just wow!
Firstly, if you really have access to her online shopping account because you "ordered a electric drill on her account few weeks ago", then you should remove yourself or remind her you still have access and check she is aware of... (read in full...)
My partner is going to join his ex on holiday
Q. My partner of almost two years has as three and half year old son with his ex wife. They split up when he was one and are divorced. I’ve never met her and I have to go out when she drops off her son. I have a really good relationship with him. My ...
A. 17 September 2022: The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different outcome. You keep posting about this. What are you expecting? Someone to magically "fix" it for you? That isn't going to happen.
Read over the answers ... (read in full...)
Fell in love with fwb partner
Q. Hi so I know I did a stupid thing. I fell head over heels in love with my FWB and he kept giving me all kinds of signals that he likes me too. It was quite obvious to everyone that he was interested in me more than a friend. Before we became FWBs, ...
A. 11 September 2022:
Oh sweetheart, when someone says they don't want a serious relationship, what they are actually saying is they don't want a serious relationship WITH YOU. I know this is not easy to accept when you are besotted with them, but there is no way you ... (read in full...)
How do I repair insult to my friend?
Q. I messed up with a friend of mine who is gay and we got in a fight over something stupid and I called him a faggot and not in a joking way but an angry way. He got real quiet and said “there it is” and just left. I don’t blame him. Based on his ...
A. 11 September 2022: People will forget what you said or what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. You have hurt your friend deeply and he will never forget how that felt, especially as it came from someone who he viewed as a close friend.
... (read in full...)
How do I repair insult to my friend?
Q. I messed up with a friend of mine who is gay and we got in a fight over something stupid and I called him a faggot and not in a joking way but an angry way. He got real quiet and said “there it is” and just left. I don’t blame him. Based on his ...
A. 11 September 2022: Testing... (read in full...)
He’s invited me to go travelling with him but what if it doesn't work out?
Q. Hi guys, hoping for some advice. I’ve been friends with a guy for a few years and do really like him deep down but I’m really shy so never had the guts to properly make a move so we've always just been good friends. I’m 99% sure he likes me too. One ...
A. 31 August 2022: Oh sweetheart, you can't go through life afraid to do things just because something may go wrong. There is ALWAYS a chance something can go wrong, with ANYTHING.
You have known this guy for years so you have had chance to assess his characte... (read in full...)
How can you get from the point of almost not wanting your guy touching you straight to the point of wanting sex like crazy?
Q. Hi all! I am in a situation and hopefully you can help me by giving me another perspective cause I am a bit at a loss. Here it goes: I've been with my gf for two years, I love her to bits and have never felt so good with anyone. Up until a while ag...
A. 28 August 2022: This could have been me you were describing. I waited until I was 20 before having sex for the first time. I wanted my first time to be with someone special and was also absolutely terrified of getting pregnant (never wanted kids, never had them). ... (read in full...)
Husband cheats again
Q. Ok so i really need help and advice i dont know what to do i have been married for over 15yrs and i have 4 kids but the thing is i just found out last week that my husband just cheated on me for the third time in 8 yrs and i dont know what to do he ...
A. 24 August 2022: Let me suggest why he has done it: because he CAN, because he has got away with it before and because he is not afraid of losing you because he knows you will stay with him, no matter how many times he cheats on you.
You DO have an option to walk ... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't like me?
Q. I am going out on a date with a guy for a month now, but on the dating app to other girl he was saying he is great in bed, he has a huge dick, he is very good in bed, experienced and was flirting with her left and right, and said that he wants to ...
A. 21 August 2022: He's a player. He is telling each girl what he thinks it will take to get her into bed. He's also probably a decent "people reader" so can tell what lines will work with which girls.
Walk away. You deserve better. He's just after a roll in the s... (read in full...)
Wife says I am loud and she doesn't like my tone of voice
Q. Hi Aunts! My wife and I frequently get into arguments which begin with her telling me that she doesn't like the tone or volume of my voice. Sometimes she tells me to stop barking at her. Usually when this happens I am not raising my voice at ...
A. 21 August 2022: As someone who works (and sits directly opposite) someone who has a very loud voice, I can totally understand where your wife is coming from. I lose count of the number of times in a working day I have to ask my colleague to "shush", especially when ... (read in full...)
Now I think I'm wasting my time
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five month. I met him through work. He came across really nice and I didn’t see any thing that put me off him, in fact I thought I’d landed on my feet. As time has gone, I’m seeing the real him. He’s ...
A. 21 August 2022: One of the best bits of advice I was given years ago was "don't waste time dating someone you don't envisage marrying/staying with". It is pointless staying with him when you already KNOW he is not the one for you.
End the relationship gently b... (read in full...)
My 6 years younger boyfriend acts like a brat
Q. Hi my boyfriend is very entitled and acts like a brat! I'm 6 years older, and all he cares about is getting high and hanging with friends. We have been together 2 years and it's been mostly bad. He works part time. I work full time and have a ...
A. 21 August 2022: Sorry, have had issues with posting recently, hence the "testing" post. Didn't want to go to the effort of typing a reply if the site was going to stop me posting.
You've wasted 2 years on this waster. Draw a line TODAY and don't waste another ... (read in full...)
My 6 years younger boyfriend acts like a brat
Q. Hi my boyfriend is very entitled and acts like a brat! I'm 6 years older, and all he cares about is getting high and hanging with friends. We have been together 2 years and it's been mostly bad. He works part time. I work full time and have a ...
A. 21 August 2022: Testing
... (read in full...)
What's his deal anyway?
Q. Three times I went out with a guy who I met through dating app, on the first date he said he deleted his account on dating app, but he has not and he has been seeing other girls. But he constantly keeps asking my whereabouts and what I've been doing ...
A. 7 August 2022: Not sure what you are asking. You went out 3 times with someone who you should really have only gone out with once, definitely not more than twice. The dates left you cold. Tell the guy it's been nice meeting him but you don't see a future for the ... (read in full...)
Partner does not listen or help during medical emergencies
Q. I am 65 and my guy is 68. In many ways he is very sensible, calm, wise, reliable and everything I could wish for. But I have an illness and sometimes it is necessary to ring for an ambulance urgently because I struggle to breath at those times. He ...
A. 6 August 2022: Blindly believing anyone in the medical profession is infallible and cannot make a mistake could seriously backfire on your partner at some point.
I know this from personal experience. If I had blindly followed instructions years ago regardin... (read in full...)
Should I just accept that the friendship may be over?
Q. Around 6 weeks ago , i had a slight falling out with two friends . i went out with these two friends to a nightclub in a different part of my town , quite a drive away . we had a taxi booked , my friend then asked me if i could book a later...
A. 5 August 2022: You and these friends are at very different stages of your lives. You may go out together but they will soon be moving on with their new lives at Uni while you stay behind. Find friends who are at similar stages in their lives to you.
Also ... (read in full...)
I wrong for taking this promotion instead of putting my niece and nephew first?
Q. During the past few years, I have helped my brother and sister-in-law with their kids (my nieces and nephew). My work schedule allowed it. I would often drop them off at school, pick them up from school, take them to practice (baseball practice and ...
A. 5 August 2022: Isn't it amazing that, instead of thanking you for all you have done, they are just upset that you are putting yourself first for a change and won't be raising their kids for them any longer? That tells you all you need to know about them.
You a... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I ask him to prove he's broke
Q. I married someone from another country 3 years ago. Unfortunately, they won't even allow him to come to my country on a visiting visa. So, I go visit him in his country. I have offered to move to his country, but he feels I'm not safe there p...
A. 5 August 2022: Of course your "husband" doesn't want you to move to his country, because then you won't be able to send him regular money. Also, you may cramp his style if you are not his only source of income. He probably has friends who are also scamming women ... (read in full...)
Is this a taking of advantage possible situation
Q. While there is a real-life situation behind this question obviously, I would like to ask this more as a theoretical question. Openly gay single dude asks genuinely straight single dude if he would like to experiment sexually and offers no strings ...
A. 4 August 2022: Of all the ridiculous ideas I have recently heard, this has to be near the top of the list. Proceed at your own peril. This will not end well. ... (read in full...)
Do I quit flirting with the guy at work?
Q. So there’s this guy that I work with and I have an incurable crush on him! the problem is that I don’t know if I should keep sending flirting signs or just give it a rest. I don’t know if he’s just oblivious and clueless or if he is simply just not ...
A. 31 July 2022: "Is it the age gap thats taboo, the coworker aspect (it’s just retail but he’s been there a long time) or is he just an idiot for not seeing that I’m clearly into him??"
OR is he married or in a relationship? OR is he simply flattered but not inte... (read in full...)
I know he likes me back and there's sexual attraction but then why did he say that he's not looking for a girlfriend right now?
Q. Hi! So there's this guy I like and I know he likes me back. We can both feel the sexual attraction between us. We've been talking and texting for about 3 weeks now and we've got really close. He's not someone who texts a lot but since we've beco...
A. 30 July 2022: I'm a great believer that TIMING is crucial where relationships are concerned. If you meet "the right person" at the wrong time, things are not going to work out. You have to both be in a place in your lives where you want the same thing.
This ... (read in full...)
Will he toy with me?
Q. There’s this boy I like, let’s call him M. I met him through social media a year ago, and even if we live 400 km apart, I’ve managed to see him in person twice. We have talked a lot and have also sent nudes to each other. Then there is this ot...
A. 27 July 2022: Most of us have gut instincts, which are there to protect us. You appear to have a reasonably sound gut instinct so trust it. When you say "my heart tells me I shouldn’t trust him", that's actually your gut instinct telling you to keep away - for ... (read in full...)
Married six months and ready to call it quits
Q. Ugh I don’t even know where to start… My husband and I have been married for six months we met about three years ago. Both of us near 40 and ready for something real. You’ve moved in about six months before we got married. I am now pregnant...
A. 24 July 2022: First of all, huge congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope everything goes well.
Secondly, a generic observation which you may/may not feel is applicable to your situation. You are both approaching 40 and, I assume, never been married before. ... (read in full...)
Is this behaviour normal ?
Q. Is it normal for a guy to be in “love” with someone and start dating someone else within few days of a fight and completely giving up on their partner , saying they will try to be friends now. This guy I fell for had a fallout with me and got a ne...
A. 24 July 2022: What is "normal"? Personally, I hate that word when used to describe people because everyone is unique. No two people are alike in every way. To answer your question, this is "normal" FOR HIM (based purely on the content of your post, which is all ... (read in full...)
Ghosted after 3 dates and sex. want him back.
Q. I (33F) met my dream man (40M) in a dating app. He ticked all the boxes and I was smitten. We went on 3 dates and had sex twice. I never had sex before with anyone outside of an exclusive committed relationship so he was special to me. I know he is ...
A. 23 July 2022: As with many of these posts, I have a question of my own: how do you know "he is in demand and has a lot of options"? If he made this clear to you, that should have rung deafening alarm bells in itself.
You say you had sex with him because ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is cheating
Q. Mod note: op has written several posts about this previously. I rang my husbands boss awhile back to asked him if my husband was cheating on me with the office woman. My husband was away the night staying in a hotel with his boss and other work col...
A. 20 July 2022: Firstly, a question: what planet are you on where you consider it acceptable to phone your husband's boss late at night? For ANY reason? (Drinking is NOT an excuse.) I am not surprised he didn't answer the call. How do you think answering a call at ... (read in full...)
Married unhappy and falling for another man
Q. Looking for advice Hi I am a married woman with two grown up children. My husband and I have been under pressure with various things going on I suspected he fancied other women at times which he didn't deny. We do try and work at out marriage.I a...
A. 17 July 2022: Being in a relationship does not stop anyone feeling attracted towards other people. However, what you choose to do about that attraction is what defines your morals. You don't have to act on every feeling you get.
If you no longer love your hus... (read in full...)
Dont know if marriage can be saved
Q. I am feeling so angry and hurt. I love my husband, as to why I still do, I really don't know. I want my children to have a household with both parents present. But is sacrificing my happiness worth it? In my marriage there have been happy times...
A. 16 July 2022: Call me cynical but if there's one thing years of experience have taught me, it's that someone who says "he/she has done this, that, the other, BUT I STILL LOVE THEM" is highly unlikely to be at a stage where they are going to leave their partner. ... (read in full...)
Friends come first
Q. I shall try and keep this as short as possible, but my boyfriend does not spend any time with me. However, he will happily make time for his friends. We have been dating for a few years now and like many relationships, we had our honeymoon pha...
A. 15 July 2022: You say he acts like he doesn't care. Here's a wake-up call: it's not an act. He has shown you in every way he can that you are not a priority in his life. Why are you still making him a priority in yours?
Start thinking about where you go from ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend does not seem interested in having sex with me anymore
Q. Hi all, Just wanted to post something and get it off of my chest and hopefully get a better insight as to what is going on. So, my boyfriend and I have been with each other for nearly three years and get on great. We moved in a few months ...
A. 9 July 2022: I've skimmed over the other replies and was horrified to see one suggesting you don't initiate sex and "see what happens". Let me tell you what will happen. You will both grow increasingly more resentful and the longer you go without having sex, the ... (read in full...)
My mistress is now my life partner but she is always worried I will cheat on her. How can I get her to finally trust me?
Q. I am going to need some help here. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years. I met her as a married man, which is when we got involved. We both know having an affair was wrong so I won’t need critiquing on our past mistakes. We ...
A. 8 July 2022: Hear that sound, my friend? That is the sound of your chickens coming home to roost.
Your girlfriend knows you are capable of cheating. She will never forget that you cheated on your wife with her. She has absolutely ZERO reason to trust you. You... (read in full...)
Temptation to cheat? Or just spreading the love?
Q. Hi! I have been with my husband for 16 years and married for 3. Not as if this matters, but anyway! Since being married I have caught him a handful of times reacting to half naked girls stories on instagram. This has happened both sober and drunk....
A. 3 July 2022: Although you brush off the timescale of your relationship as being insignificant, I can't help wondering why you waited 13 years before getting married. In my experience - and this is just MY experience so may not apply to you - people usually get ... (read in full...)
How do I get over the guilt? I want out of my marriage
Q. Hi everyone, I have been married for 8 years and after a long and happy marriage, my husband and I are separating. Even though the marriage was happy, towards the end we had started fighting way too much and too often. and even though we still ...
A. 28 June 2022: Guilt is a pointless and useless emotion. I appreciate it isn't easy but you need to stop feeling guilty. You have tried to explain to your husband why you need out. You have tried to save your marriage by suggesting going to marriage guidance. You ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend lied about his age lost trust
Q. Hi So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We have had alot of rough patches mostly because he's always asking me for financial help. Today however, I found out he's lied about his age for 3 years. He told me he was 5 years olde...
A. 25 June 2022: In the grander scheme of things, I would say age isn't crucial. HOWEVER, you have already had 3 years of "rough patches" due to his entitled behaviour towards you.
Only you can decide what is a deal breaker for you but, if you are going to quest... (read in full...)
Messed up relationship
Q. Sorry about the long post but I could really use help! Patience appreciated! I met this guy once during a group social event in a different country. I came back home without thinking much of it but we got in touch during the pandemic and got...
A. 23 June 2022: When people use terms like "soulmate" and keep mentioning "connection" (whether it's deep, effortless or magical), I just know anything I say will fall on deaf ears if it is not part of their agenda and their planned vision for the future. However, ... (read in full...)
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