A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My bf is madly inlove with alcohol and also,takes drugs but at minimalIve tried talking sense into himHe doesn`t care!
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2021): Thank you guys
I posted
Indeed i`ll move on even i still love him am sure it`ll fade real soon enough
Am really sure!!.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): What are you gaining from this relationship?
If i were i would have walked away long time ago
You cant change people!OP
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): I just can never believe all these women staying with men like this.When they show you who they really are believe it and act accordingly.You cannot change someone no matter how hard you try and this dude is not the exemption.Believe what he is showing you about himself.Do you want that??Then leave him.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (29 November 2021):
 He he had any feeling for you what so ever he would at least try to abstain for doing drugs and alcohol, or at the very least cut back.
You have tried talking sense into him and this is really all you can do. At the end of the day w can't change or help people who are not willing to help them selves.
By your own admission you say that he does not care. On this basis OP i would be inclined to save yourself from unwanted turmoil and heartache and leave him. I would do this sooner rather than later, i feel the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (28 November 2021):
 He isn't putting you first. People can change but normally they change because they want to, not be sure someone wants them to. One of the worst mistakes a person in a relationship can make is to think they can change someone. He's made his choices now you need to make yours. Love yourself enough to want more than he can offer you. Walk away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): The most profound of all the mistakes we could ever make in life is making a commitment to the wrong person, with the intent to change them.
When the courtship begins, you are evaluating behaviors and habits of your partner to determine if you've found the most ideal match. What many do is find a few superficial things they like about somebody, they like the way they look, the sex is good; they've exchanged a couple of premature "I luv you's," and away we go.
You just described what most would consider humongous red-flags, or the quintessential deal-breaker.
They write us, and when the consensus is to "dump him;" the response is almost always..."but I love him."
My advice? Dump him! You can issue the final ultimatum, "go to rehab, or I'll leave you!"
You've tried talking some sense into him? Okay, that hasn't worked.
Oh well!
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 November 2021):
 And there you have your answer: "he DOESN'T CARE".
An addict of any sort - whether it's alcohol, drugs, gambling - will put their addiction before anything and everyone else.
He's not making you any false promises. He's made it clear he DOES NOT CARE. Leave him to his addictions and find someone who rates YOU as the most important thing in their life.
You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2021):
 You can't "make" him quit. It would be nice if you could but it's not realistic.
So you might have to choose whether you want to date someone who is very much into drinking and drugs. It usually starts out with "minimal drugs" but that is not always where it ends.
I don't know how many times I have seen people "try" things such as pot/hash/weed and end up with an addiction to stronger things. Because they keep chasing the "feeling" they had the first couple of times.
You say he is "madly in love" with alcohol and with drugs a little too. So what about you?
Addicts generally "love" drink/drugs more than the people around them.
If he doesn't care how it makes YOU feel, maybe you need to let him go. You can't FIX his problems and issues for him. And if he isn't interested in quitting them for himself, why would he do it for you?
It only gets worse from here.
Wish him well and move on. Focus on yourself a while and when you are ready to date again, take your time getting to know the guy so you can avoid the red flags (drinking a lot and drug use IS a red flag).
Good luck,
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): Someone needs to talk sense into you. You are not being sensible if you bother with a guy who is into drugs and alcohol. Why bother with him in the first place? You are better off being single. You tell him to drop things which are unhealthy for him, but you hold onto a guy who is unhealthy for you!
...............................
A
male
reader, DarrellGood +, writes (28 November 2021):
 Right, he sounds like an addict. I know how this feels because I have this with my occasional partner BUT the question you need to be asking and tackling is the why.
Some addicts are addicts through choice however, unscientifically I think it would be fair to say most are actually self medicating for some kind of issue. In my case, shes been told she has bi polar and I suspect ADHD (I am also in the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis). Drug and alcohol abuse is common with undiagnosed ADHD as it is with a variety of mental health, especially mood disorders like bi polar right through to undealt with trauma and conditions like PTSD.
So, you now have a choice, you can ditch him or you can try to help him. However, you can only help him if he is willing to help to help himself or you can walk on by, that is entirely your choice, no one would blame you for the latter and I wouldnt either, i chose to not too but it has cost me alot, and ultimately, shes now AWOl and completely unwilling to help herself. You have to be prepared to lose because there are no guarantees here, he may simply choose to carry on this destructive path and if he does you cant change that. The question is though rather than accusing him, are you willing to drill down to the why with him?
If you choose to help make sure you have a strong network of support around you because you will be no use burnt out and he wont be able to provide for your needs emotionally because in a very real way he simply isnt capable (if he is self medicating). If this is a lifestyle choice the choice is plainer. You have a right to all the things you need and to demand them and if he wont come on board then I would simply leave.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
...............................
|
