A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is hard to write about but I’m feeling incredibly conflicted on what to do and need advice.I’ve been married for 8 years (together for 12) and I’m no longer happy, I have fallen out of love with him.I feel we have grown apart and I often think about being with other men (there is no one in particular, I’m not cheating in him, I like the idea of being with someone else).The problem is, is that my husband sacrificed a lot to be with me. Due to complications I am unable to have children- which he knew about from day 1 and he still was happy to be with me, despite him wanting children.He also moved away from his family and friends and gave up a job he loved to live with me as we lived so far from each other and I wasn’t brave enough to move to be with him. A couple of years ago I lost my job and he worked around the clock to make sure we had enough money and financially supported me until I got another job.He’s a good man but I just don’t feel anything for him anymore. I’m scared to leave him as I feel incredibly guilty for everything he’s done but I know I can’t stay - it’s not fair on either of us.He on the other hand is happy and keeps making future plans for us and I don’t see a future with us. I know I’m the bad person here, my family and friends will definitely blame me and be angry for ruining my marriage. I obviously take full responsibility as this is my doing. What is the best way to leave without causing too much distress. I know it won’t be pleasant or easy but any tips greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 December 2021):
 I agree with YCBS, before you do anything final at least try so save your marriage, or seek some marital help.
Her does sound like a nice guy, and as you say he has sacrificed a lot to be with you. I know that once you don't have the feeling's for someone anymore there is nothing that's ultimately going to put that spark back.
Just sit on it a little while, mull it over and think about what you really want. If in your heart of hearts you think its really over then being open and honest with him and telling him how you feel is the right thing to do, if anything he deserves your honesty.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 December 2021):
 Before you do anything final that you may regret, make sure you explore all avenues of help, like marriage counselling. Your husband sounds like a one in a million guy. He obviously loves you deeply and has proved himself over and over to be a solid guy. Don't give up on your marriage without trying everything to save it. If you exhaust all avenues, you will know, in your own mind, that you did all you could and that there really was no other way.
I can't help wondering if you have just fallen into a rut. Or do you think it is possible you are suffering from depression? Is it possible that your inability to have children has taken its toll on your mental health? Just thinking out loud as I would hate you to give up on a relationship with a man whose world revolves around you and who is happy to sacrifice his own desires to be with you.
There is no "best way to leave without causing too much distress". If you do conclude you have to leave, your husband's world is going to collapse. I am sure you will be as kind as you can to him.
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