Why is the spa tech flirting with me?
Q. I am 26M and my 30F girlfriend strongly prefers me to have a completely smooth upper body. I find that I kind of like it and it makes me feel like a fitness model wannabe. I definitely like my girlfriend’s reaction. It is a win - win. To keep me ...
A. 30 April 2022: Ha ha, this made me laugh so much. Not even sure if it is a wind-up or not, but I'll go along with it.
Peter, you are so totally a "trophy boyfriend". Younger than your girlfriend, allow your girlfriend to dictate exactly what treatments you have... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my parents for the trauma they've caused me?
Q. For the last couple of months, my relationship with my parents has been awful. Let me start with the fact that I was raised in a very chaotic and abusive house, however, things have been more calm for the last couple of years but still, my mom does ...
A. 29 April 2022: Oh sweetheart, nobody can make you feel guilty or "like crap" or bad about yourself in any way without your permission. You know you have had a difficult upbringing, so comparing you to others (who, I am guessing, have had a much more stable ... (read in full...)
What’s the nicest way to tell our good friends that their daughter is turning into a little tart?
Q. Yesterday when my 13 year old son asked me to sort out an issue on his iPhone I decided to have a little snoop through his messages. It felt really sly at first but I’m glad I did because I found WhatsApp messages between him and the daughter of ...
A. 27 April 2022: I understand WHY you spoke with the girl but you really need to be very careful, taking it upon yourself to tell off other people's children, especially a troubled child like this one - because that is what she is. Given her ability to lie to your ... (read in full...)
Is he beginning to change his mind?
Q. Hi everyone So, my boyfriend has always said that he wouldn’t ever want to get married to anyone. He says that he’s not really religious, and the idea of committing to someone in the eyes the government kind of scares him as it means you are fina...
A. 24 April 2022: You're very young and not yet at a point in life where you are willing to stand up for what you want. You are just going along with everything this guy says, despite none of it actually being what YOU really want. It seems, as long as you have a ... (read in full...)
Fiance wants support but I am not sure how to help
Q. Hi there. This question isn't about me but my fiancee. She was made redundant from the firm she worked for (in tech, a mom-and-pop firm with around 4,600 employees across three sites, ) in April 2013, which she'd worked there since January 20...
A. 24 April 2022: I would advise your fiancee to treat this like a completely new job, rather than seeing it as going back to an old one. If she was going to a new company, she wouldn't be making comparisons to how things were years ago, just as she shouldn't now. ... (read in full...)
Can we save this relationship for the sake of our unborn baby? I feel like I’m walking on eggshells
Q. Hi there, first of all my thank you so much for looking at my question. I’m 29 and my partner is 25, I met him at the start of last year, 14 months ago. I’m not sure whether he is emotionally abusive or if we are just a bad match. I don’t want to ...
A. 23 April 2022: oh yes, you ARE the person he thought you were. You are kind, sweet, easy going and gullible, exactly what he wants in a partner. What isn't as it seemed is HIM. You fell in love with an act but he could not keep that act up for long, hence why he ... (read in full...)
Intimacy issues have me feeling like I am in a rut
Q. Hi - I seem to be asking quite a lot of advice recently! I am married to a really lovely man. We have been married 7 years, together 11. I am starting to feel unfulfilled and resentment though and I really don’t want to. My husband has kids...
A. 23 April 2022: I'm sorry if I have this wrong but, based on what you say in your post, it sounds like you and your husband are both talking but neither of you is listening to the other one. You want to be heard about how YOU feel and he wants to be heard about how ... (read in full...)
Would it be terrible of me to find and contact these guys and inquire about the possibility of trading stories?
Q. Hello all! So, I've been married to my wife for about 4 years now. Before we started dating, she was on a bit of a "wild streak" after her previous marriage ended. I'm completely ok with this and understand why. The thing is, I find myself turned on ...
A. 22 April 2022: Oh yeah, go ahead and do that - for your own gratification. That's not creepy at all. Not to mention, if you approach the wrong guy, you might get a good smack in the face. Actually, that might be the only good thing which could happen in this ... (read in full...)
Married but attracted to a workmate
Q. Hi there! So, I know I'm probably gonna get a loooooot of answers telling me not to be a slut and to stop acting like a baby and so on and so forth. I've read them on numerous other posts. But I would really appreciate some kind advice please. ...
A. 22 April 2022: All direct quotes from your post:
- I've recently met a guy at work who seems to like me but I'm not sure
- We don't actually talk much at all
- he told me once that he liked my hair
- then yesterday, I noticed him looking me up and down
Is... (read in full...)
My husband's ex travelled 90 miles to see him
Q. Hello guys. Not sure how to deal with this problem involving my husband and his ex. On Friday afternoon, his ex had come to our house, I didn't recognize the woman asking for him, she said she hadn't seen him since 1995, and wanted to talk to hi...
A. 20 April 2022: Hmmm, there's a lot in your post which makes me wonder "really"? If something doesn't sound quite right, then it usually isn't quite right. My gut tells me there is more to this story than your husband is sharing with you. It would be very unusual ... (read in full...)
My son's friend's mum left the kids alone at night
Q. My 12 yrs old son went to stay over with his mate, I assumed the mum of said child would stay in but my son told me she went to her mates for drinks and left them till 2am alone in the house to do what they liked , my son has never been left alo...
A. 20 April 2022: Did you speak to her before your son went over and check (a) whether it was OK for your son to come and stay over and (b) whether the boys would be supervised? It sounds like you took it for granted that she had similar standards to your own, but ... (read in full...)
My First Love returned.. now it's messy
Q. I'm 36 years old. About 8 months ago, i met my first love where we dated back in highschool. We used to date in McDonalds, the local malls and he was my first love and first kiss. We broke up eventually. He got married to someone else. Recently,...
A. 19 April 2022: Yes, he did it because his wife was angry, but there is a bigger picture here: when push comes to shove, SHE matters way more to him than you do. That is the sad reality. The vast majority of married men who are happy to flirt with other women will ... (read in full...)
Why does he want me to swallow?
Q. My husband doesn't get turned on by intercourse. He only gets turned on by oral sex and he wants me to swallow, and I really don't want to most of the time. Why is that so important to him?...
A. 17 April 2022: I have a question of my own: what are you getting out of this marriage? Seriously?
Are you compromising on everything you wanted, just to keep your husband happy? Did you want children and just give up on the idea because your husband didn't w... (read in full...)
Sister involved with married man. I am worried about her
Q. My sister who's 28 told me that she's been dating this guy since November (when lockdown had well ended by then, but Plan B was in the news) and that he's married but had been in the process of divorcing his wife since September yet she refuses to ...
A. 17 April 2022: I'm pretty sure you have written in about this before.
Your sister is 28 and, therefore, an adult. Having Asperger's does not mean she is not capable of making decisions for herself. If she is capable of living on her own unassisted, then she... (read in full...)
Husband and game testing
Q. My husband has told me he wants to take on a second job, being a video game tester, eventually going into it full-time because he's getting fed up with the way his job is and the job market is right now. I've heard however, that it's all hard wo...
A. 17 April 2022: As you mention the difference in your wages a couple of times, I have to assume you are resentful that you are currently the main wage earner in your relationship. It sounds from your post like your husband was previously on a higher wage than you, ... (read in full...)
Son found nude photos of me
Q. My 14-year-old son recently came across some pictures of me that his father took of me back when we were teens.we have been together for a long time and got married when I was pregnant with my son. The pictures were in an old shoebox filled with ...
A. 16 April 2022: You would rather your son thought your husband/his dad was some sort of pervert than owning up to the nude pics being of you, taken by his dad when you were both in a loving relationship? While I totally get you may be embarrassed about sharing this ... (read in full...)
I am seeing a side of my husband that I don't like
Q. Hi all. I am married to a man who has started showing me sides of himself I never knew. Prior to getting married, he was always apologetic if he offended me. After 6 years of being married, he has shown an arrogant side that disgusts me to say the ...
A. 16 April 2022: I suspect your husband just expressed himself badly, as in poor choice of words. Would you still have been "offended" if he had said "I've felt guilty since I scammed free food out of you the other day by lying to you"? I suspect not. I mean, how ... (read in full...)
Needle play?
Q. My new boyfriend has introduced needle play and I'm wondering if anyone else has tried this. I am into new kinky things and actually enjoy needle play. He has done patterns on my belly, back, and my buttocks. It really is not that painful. He uses ...
A. 16 April 2022: It's really irrelevant whether anyone else enjoys this sort of activity (I never even knew it was a thing!). The important thing is whether you and your boyfriend enjoy it. If you do and you play safely (which it sounds like you do), then just ... (read in full...)
Should I have a breast reduction?
Q. Should I have a breast reduction? I feel really awkward about this, I am 38G (uk size) in bra size and it's depressing, they are so heavy and yes they retain the shape and they aren't the worst and I understand that some women would love to ha...
A. 15 April 2022: I don't think any of the aunts and uncles are medically qualified to give you an opinion. Even if they were, they couldn't do it without seeing you and discussing everything with you, including the risks of surgery (because all surgery comes with ... (read in full...)
Niece wants to live with us after graduation
Q. Niece (17f) wants to live with me (30f) and my husband (33m) when she graduates My husband and I are planning on getting a "fresh start" at the end of the year after saving money for a down payment. My niece is graduating high school soon over...
A. 10 April 2022: I think you will be in for a big shock if you go ahead with this. Being the "fun aunt" is one thing; having sole responsibility for a 17 year old girl is something quite different. What are you going to do if she starts going out with friends, ... (read in full...)
Should I go to the wedding of an ex best friend that I can't stand?
Q. I have a friend, Pamela, from highschool that I haven't seen in years. She wasn't a real friend, when I was being bullied, she prefered to stay friends with them and even acted as if she wasn't that close to me, which hurt me and I'm glad I went to ...
A. 10 April 2022: I have to ask this: why can't you just say "no thanks" and walk away?
Going to someone's wedding is optional, not compulsory. We go to help them celebrate because they are family/friends and we have history with them. None of this applies ... (read in full...)
My parents refuse to accept me as their son
Q. Hello there! I'm 24 and transgender female-to-male (ftm). I've been questioning my gender since I was 16 (didn't know being trans was an option until then), and came out to them as trans, and therefore their son rather than their daughter, when I...
A. 10 April 2022: While I have no first hand knowledge of what YOU are going through, I think I can understand what your parents are going through. You seem to think you are the only one having a hard time here and that your parents are being deliberately obtuse in ... (read in full...)
She cancelled our first date because of who I follow on Instagram
Q. I'm 34 and she's 24. We matched on Tinder, eventually transitioned into Instagram, then started texting,and she let me know she prefers talking on the phone. I gave her a call, we talked for nearly 2 hours, finally set up our first date and I was ...
A. 10 April 2022: I find myself puzzled by many things these days, this post included. Isn't Tinder for casual hook-ups? Why would you bother finding out about each other's values, interests and/or beliefs if you are just interested in casual sex? Or are people using ... (read in full...)
Could my friend be toxic?
Q. I am a young 27 year old entrepreneur and my time at this point in my career is so important to me as I'll be launching my business in a few months. I am single and freshly out of a tumultuous 2 relationship with a narcissist so I have been tryi...
A. 9 April 2022: Sticking labels such as "toxic" on your "friend" is not going to help with anything. The important things here, from what I can surmise from your post, are that:
1. Your friend drains you emotionally. This is very important and should be taken ve... (read in full...)
My dad drove my car drunk
Q. My dad came to my area for a short vacation and is staying at my place. I have to work from home during the day so I let him borrow my car. Today he met up with a friend who works at a bar. The friend served him cocktails and then my dad drove home ...
A. 9 April 2022: There is absolutely NOTHING "funny" about putting the lives of others at risk by driving drunk. However, there is more at play here than a drink-driving incident. You are an independent adult; why are you tolerating physical and verbal abuse in your ... (read in full...)
Might she still have feelings for me?
Q. Me and my ex still talk. We still have feelings. She still has a reaction if she thinks I’m dating so I guess there’s a possibility we could get together. Only thing I found odd was, we were talking about babies and how she doesn’t want them yet and ...
A. 8 April 2022: NEVER confused jealousy/possessiveness with love/feelings. Her "reacting" to the idea of you dating someone else does NOT mean she wants you back, just that she doesn't want someone else to have you.
If she wanted to be with you, she would ha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend contacted his ex during a trip
Q. Hi DC Aunts and Uncles. I have come here for some advice. Maybe I myself already know the answer but I want to get some input from you. So my boyfriend of 2 mths went on a trip with his friends and just returned home. During his trip away he was...
A. 8 April 2022: The two months you have wasted on him is not your fault because you were not to know what he told you was not honest. Now you know the full truth, any further time you waste on him is all down to YOU.
Life's too short to be with someone who want... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 27 March 2022: Sadly you two have completely different agendas for your relationship and I doubt there is any way you can reach a compromise. The fact that he doesn't listen to you and insists on seeing things HIS way, and his way ONLY, would ring alarm bells with ... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi, aunts! So, my boyfriend of five years has been playing hot and cold with me for a while now. At first he was pretty interested but never showed any interest in getting married. He never talks unless I am the one calling or texting him and ...
A. 21 March 2022: Your "boyfriend" - I use that term VERY loosely - not only doesn't see a future with you but doesn't care if you are with him or not. I have a question for YOU: why do you not think you are worth more?
It doesn't matter that YOU want to be with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's family are furious with us for having sex
Q. Okay, so l am a black male who lives in Windsor Ontario, Canada. l have been with my girlfriend (who is white) for quite a while now and we decided to take our relationship to the next step, we got intimate when l came over to her house. It all...
A. 21 March 2022: You are obviously trying to make out this is about race or colour, otherwise why would you mention that you are black and your girlfriend is white? This has nothing to do with what colour your skin is or what race you are. This is about young kids ... (read in full...)
Teenaged Son got his girlfriend pregnant and its amess
Q. My son is 17 and got his girlfriend, who's 16, pregnant. They'd been dating for 2 months, since restrictions on COVID were partially lifted in our state. Well, I say girlfriend, but my son's heartbroken after his girlfriend told him she ...
A. 20 March 2022: Wow! That's a lot for ANYONE to take in, let alone a 17 year old boy.
First and foremost, stay calm. Your son needs his parents to guide him through this. Whatever your feelings about it all, you need to be strong and be there for your son.
... (read in full...)
My mother is pushing religious education on my baby
Q. I’m a new mom, just had a baby three months ago. My parents are evangelical Christians, and I was raised in church (speaking in tongues at age 8, that was me)! But I grew up to be agnostic and I want to raise my daughter to be a critical thinker ...
A. 19 March 2022: Oh sweetheart, I feel your confusion and just want to hug you. Sending virtual hugs.
Like you (I suspect), I have no objection to God but I do have a great skepticism (that word again!) of what I term as "organised religion". I was raised R... (read in full...)
I'm pressured by colleagues for wearing a Covid mask
Q. I live in a country that is still very much affected by the covid. Our government has decided for POLITICAL reasons to remove all measures (the elections are around the corner), including wearing masks when inside at work. Nothing has changed, we ...
A. 19 March 2022: Call me cynical but I can't help but wonder why we have suddenly had TWO posts about covid when we have not had any for a while. The cynic wonders whether this is just another way of certain individuals trying to keep covid in people's minds instead ... (read in full...)
My husband has become overly fearful of Covid
Q. My partner has become more fearful of COVID now than during the lockdowns; we had three here in England, a fourth one didn't happen. He keeps getting agitated about even having to go out, doesn't want to go to a meal we'd been invited to, fear...
A. 19 March 2022: Firstly, let me say I am really sorry you are going through this. It must be very difficult for you.
This is not a case of being right or wrong. Everyone has been affected differently by the whole covid circus. You have kept your head and take... (read in full...)
My friend always seems to land on her feet
Q. Okay so I expect there will be judgement my way on this but the subject I'm writing in about it really bothering me. I know a woman for over thirty years since we was seventeen years old, I guess in those years I would say a friend. I'm not ...
A. 17 March 2022: You do realize that what goes on in her life has no bearing on YOUR life? If she died tomorrow, nothing would change in your life. Your two lives are not mutually exclusive. You can both do well, or badly, or anywhere in between. Would your life be ... (read in full...)
Why is the instructor acting weird now?
Q. Hi, so I have a strange problem which is not exactly something to do with love... I've been going to this Zumba class for a few months now and the instructor is a nice young guy who everyone is crazy for. I have to admit, I even had a crush on him ...
A. 16 March 2022: When did you become "unmarried"? Only a matter of weeks ago, you were happily married.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/happily-married-but-attracted-to-the-zumba-instructor.html
... (read in full...)
Is my straight friend flirting with me or is she just joking?
Q. Curious for some opinions here. I'm an out gay female. A new girl started working at my job recently. She's roughly my age and straight. Seemingly the boy-crazy type of straight. Never been with a woman before. Which is what is so confusing to me ...
A. 16 March 2022: As with all "what is their game?" posts, we can only guess at what might be going on here. Even then, given the complexities of human nature, we may all be totally off the mark. Even if we knew you and/or your friend, we could still be completely ... (read in full...)
Baby mom won’t leave him alone!
Q. His baby mom won’t leave him alone. His baby mother told him she will never allow him to happily be with someone else and has been tormenting us ever since. She’s in another country. What I’m upset is about the fact that I have given 200 p...
A. 11 March 2022: Well, as you are not going to leave him anytime soon - because you "love him" - you need to try to make the best of the situation.
You - and he - can't control the actions of others. The only thing over which you have control is how you react to... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious of his reason for standing me up?
Q. Should I be suspicious? I had a date set for Friday. Then I never hear from him until Sunday night. He claims his coworker has a stroke and was busy with that. I said sorry to hear it but declined to reschedule. Now I’m the bad guy. I don’t see how ...
A. 10 March 2022: Trust your gut instinct. You have one for good reason.
Whether his colleague had a stroke or not, he could have messaged you, before or after the date time, to tell you. It takes seconds to send someone a text. Blanking you for 2 days is bad mann... (read in full...)
I got drunk and accused my friends of things they say did not happen
Q. So I have a friend, let's call her D. She's somewhat of a new friend, and we actually stopped talking for a couple of months because I lent her money and asked for it back the day she said she'd pay me and she told me to go to hell. Last week, she...
A. 9 March 2022: She's not your friend. A friend would not be getting touchy feely with your boyfriend on the dancefloor (it takes two - she could have moved away and stopped him IF she had wanted to). A friend would have been worried about you being alone ... (read in full...)
It's been so many years and this guy still continues to pursue me.
Q. I met this guy in 2014 at an academic international conference. We were both representing our country in our respective disciplines. I was in a deadbeat relationship at that time and this guy was married. We hit it off really well and at time at ...
A. 8 March 2022: Tell him, point blank, that you are happily married and do not think it would be a good idea to meet up with him, as you two would have different agendas for the meeting.
To be honest, in your shoes I would have cut contact with him after th... (read in full...)
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