A
male
age
36-40,
*homasM
writes:Hi, please can I get advise, first no I’m not a troll, I’m genuinely after advise so if your not going to take me serious then don’t comment! I’m 33yo and I’m in love with my 38yo sister and have been for about 18 years, I’ve had serious relationships and even a child so I totally understand the meaning of love and yes im definitely in love with my older sister, i find her highly attractive, she’s absolutely gorgeous and I just can’t get her out of my mind, she doesn’t know I feel like this, I’ve got no one to talk to ??I’m after advise because all though I totally understand it’s wrong in so many ways, I just can’t get my sister of my mind, obviously I don’t want to be in this situation but unfortunately I am and have been for 18 years, I can’t just forget about it, so please what should I do?ThanksThomas Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2021): Sounds like you need some professional therapy. In the meantime,I suggest you keep this thought to yourself and not share it with your sister or family. It will only end badly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2021): This happened to someone I knew who was a police man, he ended up acting on his love and unfortunately for them, lost everything. He lost his career his family his wife his children and ended up in court. In fact, not sure if he did not appear on TV documentary once about (gene attraction)because he never grew up with her. All I know is it can not really end well if you act on this and it is illegal ( but you do know this, there would be serious problems.)
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male
reader, Kofcalifornia  +, writes (15 December 2021):
I think she probably already knows. You will only break your own heart if you remain around her. Could you be okay seeing her with another man? If you cannot comfortably imagine her having sex with another man you cannot even be her friend. You are too grown to be a simp to your older sister. Bite the bullet and keep your distance from her. You probably have too much free time on your hands. Keep yourself busy and live your best life apart from her. She will never be with you. Get over it. Good luck and stay strong.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (14 December 2021):
 Open if your post is real then my heart goes out to you. Its terrible to love someone knowing that you can never act on your feelings and even worse to have feelings that you know are not considered right by almost all society. I think you know not to confess to your sister because the odds are it would frighten possibly even make her feel horrorfied. At the least it would strain your relationship.
I think the best thing you can do is to keep your feelings to yourself and if you can find a kind and caring therapist that you can talk to that can help you work through things and hopefully future out why you feel the way that yo you do and how can you cope with the feelings.
I hope you find a way to work through it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2021): It's the sort of thing best kept to one's self. If you feel it's an unhealthy obsession, and you might do or say something to her that could be seriously inappropriate; I'd recommend you see a therapist.
Often we receive shocking or controversial posts like yours to test our gullibility, or as a way to make uncles and aunts look out of touch, judgy, or intolerant. We give home-spun advice and opinions. That's all. Suggesting people just suck it up, might not go over well. We have as much right to express our opinion, be it positive or negative; as you have to write your post to this site. It's an open forum, and answers are moderated to keep things civil and responsible.
You won't find too many people who take incest casually. I might even speculate that even our anonymous readers who visit us regularly; are quite unready to condone, or to jump on the incest wagon. There are some attractions or impulses that we, as civilized-humans, just have to avoid and not succumb to; like romantic-feelings towards animals, children, our parents, and our siblings. Nature has decided there has to be a line drawn somewhere; so it's a gamble to play games with genetics.
Procreation between a brother and sister poses many risks to a fetus. Nature will enforce these natural barriers by increasing the risk of genetic disorders such as neonatal diabetes, blindness, limb malformations, schizophrenia, disorder of sex development, and others. As long as there is no inbreeding, nobody will ever know what's going-on behind closed doors. Relatives, or your parents, might pickup on signs of unusual affection between siblings; because they've known you since you were a child. Parents make sure to keep their sons and daughters separate as they age through puberty for a reason.
It's sort of a built-in intuition to notice unnatural behavior between family-members; but it's often wrong, and causes a lot of family discourse. Intuition is not a science, and suspicions and rumors don't count as fact. Anything short of caught in the act, leaves room for deniability; but you never know who's spying. Playing the odds is kind of self-destructive in this area. What would you do if you got caught? It's illegal under the terms of Sexual Offences Act of 2003 in the UK.
You can't have sex with your biological-sister; mainly because it's wrong on many levels. It is incest, and it's best you don't overshare this information with her, or other family members. Not even a best-friend; if you don't want to be blackmailed, or have it thrown back in your face during a disagreement.
You do have someone to talk to. When true-confessions of this sort become too difficult to handle alone; we turn to professional therapists, clergy (depending on your faith), and mental health counselors. Ideally, they will not judge or ostracize you. Not if they're strictly professional, and worth their credentials. You can ditch them like a bad-date; if they don't adhere to ethical guidelines.
I guess all is well, as long as it stays a secret; and you don't confess your feelings of that sort to your sister. You could seriously strain your relationship; and she may never feel at-ease around you. Crushes as a child is one thing; but once we've become adults, we have to respect moral, legal, and biological boundaries. You have to control the feelings, or deal with the consequences.
You've come here to safely confess those feelings; so I hope you've found some relief. That's what we're here for. My lips are sealed.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (13 December 2021):
 I find it slightly odd that you state you are in love with your sister but the only reason you give for this is that she is "absolutely gorgeous" and that you find her "highly attractive". If you had said she is a good person, a kind person, an inspirational person, intelligent, on the same wave length as you about the important things in life, intellectually stimulating or other similar qualities, then I would not have found your profession of "love" for her quite so strange. Being attracted to someone on a purely physical level is lust, not love. Not that this makes your situation any easier to deal with. Lust is a very powerful emotion and we should never underestimate its power.
As this has been going on for nearly two decades, despite you having other relationships and even a child, I think it is time to admit you need professional help on this score.
It is not unusual for siblings to share strong bonds but your situation doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, otherwise you would not have written in and you would not be worried about it. As I said earlier, you need to seek professional help because being "in love" with your sister is preventing you from forming a healthy relationship elsewhere.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 December 2021):
 Its good that you know its wrong, and you also know that nothing could ever happen between you and your sister.
Is she blood related to you?.
do you live with her where you see her day in and day out?.
I would normally say infatuations fizzle out over the natural course of time, but as you have been feeling this way for 18 years this obviously is not the case here.
I think that the most important thing here is that you keep these feelings to yourself and never act on them. I feel if you did then the feelings won't be reciprocated, your sister will be shocked and repulsed and your relationship as brother and sister will be in jeopardy, and she will more than likely run a mile.
I feel as this has been going on for 18 years and its not dissipated i feel the best option here would be to seek some counselling and tell them the thoughts and feelings you have been having.
Other than that all anyone can really tell you is to abolish these thoughts and stop thinking about her in this way.
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