A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Am I wrong to have sex with a married man just to have a child? I am 41 years old and disabled, religious and quite successful in my career. I have met wonderful people during the course of my career, however, my love has never been requited. I recently (6 months ago) prayed to meet anyone even if to get a child only. Then somehow, one of my married senior friends from another dept reconnected with me and we would talk about writing projects together over lunch work. Then we soon had many lunch 'dates' but we would flirt and he would mention that I should get a child. I told him to introduce me to his single friends, however, I soon realised he was advocating for himself to have a child with me. Friendship, flirting and my love for motherhood soon became strong and one time we actually went to have a good time at a hotel...but I freaked out and we did not. He was upset that I led him on but I told him I was not ready. We have kissed but nothing more.He has all the attributes I would want in a man and said he would introduce me to his parents once I am pregnant but I am worried he will instead ghost me! This guy pops up once a while. I am financially capable of being a single mum but if I get complications, who will support me? And how I will I explain an absent father to my baby? Please help me think clearly.Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): I am the original poster.
Thank y'all. I lost myself in wanting so much. I am reflecting on your kind messages to keep moving forward. Certainly, I am an embarrassment in this Department of Relationship...
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (29 November 2021):
 This is a bad idea, and i think if you go through with this it will lead to a lot of heartache and future complications.
He is married, so this already makes him a lying cheat. He will never leave his wife for you, and for all we know he could already have had the snip, which will mean he can't get you pregnant anyway, but he will never tell you this, in which case he will be using you just for sex.
Save yourself future turmoil and complications and find someone who is not married, and tells the truth, and who wants you for who you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): The straight forward answer to your question is "yes!" It is wrong to commit adultery; and in almost all religious doctrines (with some exceptions like Satanism) that is considered a sin.
Using someone just to get pregnant is a bit shortsighted and opportunistic. There are many legal and moral ramifications. He might get you pregnant; then decide to assert his paternal-rights and put-up a fierce custody battle to take sole-custody. He is married, what if his wife finds out you've used her husband to father a child? "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned!" Quote from William Congreve's 'The Mourning Bride' (1697).
Some women are she-devils when they find-out who the woman is who cheated with her husband. Some are completely psycho, and knowing you've made a baby with her husband; some are capable of the unthinkable. It's one thing to have sex with her man, but get a child?!! If hubby dies, and leaves behind a little bit of wealth; that's when these unknown-women and their kids come out of nowhere, ready to seek birthrights. They'll battle for years, and may not get a penny!
You're looking for a free sperm-donor. It's better to save-up and go to a sperm bank, or adopt. That's all legit, and free of unforeseen challenges from the biological-father.
You claim to be religious. You shouldn't be asking this kind of question; if you take your faith, the word of God, and your religious beliefs seriously. You already knew the answer, maybe you were seeking permission. Get on your knees and ask God if it's okay with Him? If you pray to the God I know for a child; He'll expect you to follow His rules on how to conceive and raise the kid. He's not just some genie who grants wishes. He sends divine blessings. If you have some other god in-mind, maybe that one has a different take on things.
He suggests you marry and have children with a husband. I think that's a grand idea. Then the child has a father, a mother, and they are a family unit. The child has the benefits of love from both parents, an environment of cohesion, and will deal with only the usual challenges of life and survival. God will be watching over them, and keeping them safe.
You have the freedom to make any choice you like. Each choice comes with its own set of rules, pitfalls, and repercussions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): Yes,of course it's wrong. And it is foolish too. I get it that ,as of now, for you it's more important to have a child than to have a relationship with a man, but if you really are willing and ready to be a single parent , then there are many s*single* guys you could have casual sex with ,with the only purpose to get pregnant. Why do you have to get involved with an attached man to make a baby ??
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 November 2021):
 Come on, get real. Why would this sleaze ball introduce you to his parents, ESPECIALLY if you are pregnant with his child? He is a married man. For all you know, he could have had a vasectomy and just be leading you to to get sex. Also, there is never any guarantee that you will get pregnant, just because you have sex with someone.
Here's an idea: ask his wife to help you think clearly. I am sure she will be able to help.
How you can make out he is the answer to some sort of prayer is beyond me. If you are really religious, you know what you are thinking about doing is wrong in the eyes of most (if not all) religions.
This guy already dips in and out of your life as it suits him; what makes you think this will change? You are already worried he will ghost you once you are pregnant.
I understand your urge to have a child. However, this is not the way to do it. Explore different ways and leave this sleazy individual alone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 November 2021):
 He is just using you, OP
I get that you feel this is the last chance for a kid, I think the only one who will really get "screwed" here is the kid.
What if he decides that HE thinks you are an unfit mother? That HE wants the kid? What then? Why not just go for a sperm donor? Someone who will have no rights to your kid?
And then to your original question. Yes, it's wrong to have sex, have an affair, and have a child with a married man UNLESS that man is your husband. You know all this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): How on earth can you say he has all the attributes you want in a man? He is a liar, a cheater, a user, a two timer, hardly the responsible, caring loyal type you need as a father to your child. You say you want him to be the father yet you also say that you are worried he will ghost you and not support you. And you do not think about him as being a problem in any way. He might decide he wants to take over the baby. He might decide he and his wife will be the parents. He might become all sorts of problems. Nor do you think about his wife. How would she feel to think he has cheated on her and fathered a baby with another woman? Please - turn your tiny brain on. My concern is that the baby needs a responsible smart mother, not an air head as am mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2021): Woa its so wrong
A married man?
You should have waited to be a good mother atleast.
You are stiring ur stew of confusion
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